I need HONEST opinions about my nanny please...

Oh come on BlueGreen, it's not only about the bereavement! When my brother died, I had ONE week off work! It doesn't mean my bosses was horrible, I decided to go back, as did Holly's nanny. I couldn't cry in front of clients, same way as it upsets Holly's dd when nanny's crying in front of her. Her dd is too young to understand. Holly sounded very caring to me, but obviously her dd is her first priority.

good luck Holly. To be honest I would go for making her reduntant because I really don't think someone who can let themselves be that un-professional at work is suddenly going to pull it all together to such a degree that they have a completely different approach to everything....people don't change that much!

I think it is difficult to get rid of the pain in heart in 6 weeks and crying for lost is normal and I think you should show her some sympathy for that! We all have our bad and good days because you are paying dosent mean that nannies should become a robot and hide their feelings. Not everyone can fake it as good as you do anyway (your saying not mine!) And I think it is very rude to say that " I have bad days as well but I'm not her nanny" this means to me that " I'm paying her and she can not have bad days when she is with my DD" very selfish indeed!

You said there is never book lying around. Dont you think it is possible they read and she tidied up? And about watching a tv., we used to watch tv. after dinner which was around 5:45- 6pm and that was the time one of my bosses would come and see us watching a telly or him(my charge) watching and me cleaning up the kitchen.
In term of disciplining, every body has their own way of disciplining and if you dont like her way why dont you introduce yours? I used to send him to naughty corner as a punishment but his parents' would take away his fav. toys as he wouldnt stay in naughty corner at all(cheeky monkey )

I think it is unfair for you to say she didint do any painting in 2 years as if your DD is 2:10 old you cant expect her to start doing arts and crafts when she was 10 months old! But this doesnt justify that she shouldnt be doing craft now!

In 2 years she should be having strong bonds with your DD tho. My previous boss told my charge that I wont be looking after him anymore but she (me) will come and visit him sometime. He burst into tears and kept repeating "I want bluegreen". He's mother said that she was really happy that we have strong bonds and that made her proud as she made the right decision by employing me over 9 other nannies she interviewed!

I think you should talk to her. And let her know what you think. You might be surprised. Maybe she wont want to work for you after finidning out how unsensitive you are RE: her bravement.

Good luck, Holly. It might not feel like it now, but I think you are actually in a good position for a relative clean cut. If you go the redundancy way, you could even go apart without any hard feelings either side.

Do you have to give a reason for giving a nanny notice?

I was given a weeks pay to leave a nanny job during the 4 weeks trial period and while I know the reason she didn't want to keep me on, she never actually spelled it out.

For me, if I was in your position, the solution I would go for would be to make the nanny redundant, go back part time after maternity leave, and find a nice local part time childminder who would do some of the lovely stuff that some posters on here do with their minded children.

Financially you'd probably be no worse off since you would be paying a cheaper source of childcare and part time only!

plus you get more time with your children.

everyone's a winner?

I agree with others that you need to get rid.

Focussing on the way to go about it, the easiest way by a mile will be to (genuinely) decide that you won't have a nanny whilst you are on maternity leave. If you changed your mind in a few months that wouldn't be a rproblem. Pop across to employment if you want and plenty of people can talk you through doing a redundancy...

You can't keep a bad nanny just because of the stress of looking for another one. It doesn't have to be a problem, make it a positive thing as you will be looking for someone who will make your child smile, not cry.

Hi Holly29,

Oh my goodness my heart went out to you when I read your message, I'm an Ofsted Registered Nanny and I look after 3 young children for two seperate families and my main problem is tearing myself away from them when I leave at the end of the day. I have a book of places I take my children including museums, swimming, the pictures, parks, librarys etc and the list of activities we do is just as long as the list of places we visit. One of my young families is expecting their third baby in July and I'm worried my Mum will decide not to go back to work . Bonding with children is sooooo important and bonding with the parents is just as important so if your feeling worried do the right thing for your DD and find someone else who will cherish her as much as you do. Good Luck

I think you should go on your instincts on this one. She really doesn't sound particularly good - it depends if you want to keep her, though I can't imagine why. Is she your first nanny?

I'd be really unhappy with quite a lot of what you've posted.

I think your best bet would be to tell her that you've reconsidered your maternity leave arrangements. Have you got a standard contract with her?

And it's worrying that you haven't felt that you have been able to address it with her - that doesn't sound like a good working relationship. Maybe it has just come to a natural close?

I know the feeling of apprehension that comes when you think about finding someone new, but honestly, once you've done it, I bet you will feel relieved.

And this time, you will have a much better idea of the sort of person you would want; at least that's how it was for me.

There is another thread on here about a nanny who has taken loads of time off sick and her employer is pregnant again and is thinking of making the nanny redundant which has loads of good advice. If you can do that, think it would be the best way to go as the dismissal process is a nightmare

She sounds awful tbh - no way would I be happy with someone giving my DC time out for 20 mins or even crying in front of them. How unprofessional! Your DD needs stimulation and affection and it doesn't sound like she's getting much of either of those at the moment.

Number 2 from your list would worry me.

Has she always been like this? Sorry to ask this but why did you let this situation so long? I would be more uncomfortable leaving her whith dd when i'm at work rather than when i am on maternity leave. Am i missing something?

I've unfortunately had to do dismissal on grounds of performance (gross misconduct) a couple of times at work throughout the last couple of years, and you need to be VERY careful and do every single thing by the book. Read up on UK Employment Law or consult a lawyer if you've never done it before.

In the meantime (you can kind of start the process even if you're not sure you want to go all the way), arrange a meeting, discuss issues, make notes (important!), give her a verbal warning. You need to prove you've tried taking steps to help the situation improve.

Easier option would be redundancy, but that would mean you are without some help for a couple of months. You can't replace immediately or even advertise. Better yet option would be for her to agree that it is not working out.

sounds awful. i would use your materntity leave as an opportunity to reevaluate what sort of care you want for your first and second child.

My nanny used to make me feel guilty as she did so much arts and crafts with my DCs.
She was always buying glitter and paint and glue
Always going on trips, days out etc
She doesn't work for us anymore but she loves seeing them and catching up, and spending the odd afternoon looking after them
Time for your nanny to go
Good luck with it all

Get rid - quick!

I have only read the OP. I was thinking "your poor DD" by the time got to the end of paragraph number 1.

She is harmful to your DD's development.

I once came to my 4 year old in tears in bed (it was after bed time) when I went in she sat immediately and started sobbing and said "Nanny threw my teddy in th bin. The one I've had since I was a baby." Turns out nanny had pretended to throw teddy in the bin, but later took him back out. And then told DD she had taken hime back out. I imagine DD was so upset and hysterical she didn't hear a word of what nanny said when she told her he was back out.

I was not impressed. I thought it was bloody mean. And I did have a word with the nanny that teddy was very special to DD and really that was very traumatic to a 4 year old.

Anyway, your story reminded me of the teddy in the bin incident. Get rid of this nanny. Do it for your DD's sake.

You definitely need to get rid! She is in the wrong job!

Like Fab we are making mother's day cards, well we were, we have so far today been to toddler group, the park, made mother's day cards and had lunch and now there are 3 very tired, very proud of their achievements children fast asleep! I am having a cuppa and a bite to eat and then off to make dinner for later and tidy away the mess we all made!

Working with children is (IME) all about the mess, the fun, the laughter. Sure we all have bad days but the little ones should never really know about it (I do believe it's ok to tell the older ones your having a off day/a headache/whatever as it's about normal life experiences BUT the children shouldn't have to sit plonked in front of the tv while their childcare provider has a good cry!)

I would say it's time to look for another nanny if I were you.

Your DD should be having fun, and sharing a special bond with her childcare provider, even more so as she is about to have a new baby arrive.

Holly, I actually made the decision to stop working altogether, but many other factors (e.g. I was working crazy hours, occasionally coming home after he's gone to bed, which broke my heart) played a part. Dh was great in that he was able to do flexible hours so that he was home early on those days, but we couldn't continue that as his work became more demanding. So in my case, I explained to her that I've decided to stop working, and I gave her a redundancy payout.

What I'd probably do if I were in your situation, is the following:

Could you have a formal meeting with her, describing what would normally be required from a nanny, and discussing any variances (read up on and go armed with a good nanny job description, as well as examples of normal behaviour)? Explain to her how these things are essential to your dd's development, and as nanny she is expected to help dd explore, have fun and learn in the process? It is obviously not your responsibility to train her how to do her job, but if you're concerned about unfair dismissal etc, this would give you the backup - you can prove that you have tried improving the situation. I would bring up any issues, e.g. her moods etc, and explain that it is unacceptable for that to have an impact on dd. I'd do things by the book. Assuming you've asked her to change things before, you could give her a verbal warning. Then if she doesn't improve (craft activities etc too), a written warning. I wouldn't just "fire" her, but if she doesn't do her job and doesn't improve after warning, you don't really have much choice and I don't think she'd be able to take it further. She might not want to anyway.

If you want to do it properly you need to go through the whole disciplinary procedure (setting goals, measuring performance, written warnings etc) and then you can dismiss her for poor performance if it doesn't improve. It is a very very trying process. I've only ever done it at work but it got very ugly and personal and I can't imagine it would be more pleasant at home. But, as you know, employment law is more favourable to employees than employers. My sympathies...

you should also consider redundancy but again that's not simple (you'll probably need to make a redundancy payment etc). There is lots of guidance on both of these on the web. Good luck.

I know it's not what you might want to do Holly but to make it easier on yourself can you tell her that you and DH have rethought things and that you will be caring for the children alone for six months - put it down to financial reasons and then once she has gone start looking for a new Nanny to take over when you return to work.

You sound very unsure about her relationship with your DD. And fwiw I do not think you are being PFB either - this is your daughter and I woukd have had a hard time going to work leaving DS with anyone if I thought he wasn't happy and they had no bond. Am sure she has been very good in the past but maybe it's time for her to move on.

What does her contract say? I would check with a lawyer tbh. Also what would happen if you suddenly couldn't afford to keep her on whilst you're on mat leave?.... She might be looking for an out, this may be an opportunity for both of you.

TBH if you don't like/want to spend time with her why would you have your child doing just that?

I think if she's not doing enough with your DD now then it will be even worse when she has a baby to look after as well.

I think your choice (if you decide to get rid of her) is to either sack her and find a replacement before you have DC2 or to make her redundant when you start maternity leave and then find a new nanny towards the end of your maternity leave. The second way would be less confrontational but you would have to have a gap between nannies otherwise the job wouldn't have been genuinely redundant.