I need HONEST opinions about my nanny please...

I get you know, mold. Thanks for the explanation.

Does the first refusal only apply to pregnant employees then? Or those on maternity leave?

I ask because I know someone who won a claim that her old job was being readvertised - she was made redundant on ML - and the ruling was that she should have been contacted and offered the job as it was within (I think) 3 months of her being made redundant. I don't know how the timing went but it was probably only just in the 3 month window for brining a claim.

I'm not a lawyer though so am happy to defer!

But you definitely can't change the job description and say she's redundant so you can employ a mother's help because I know you have to offer her any alternative position which exists or will exist before she leaves.

Just a quick point on the employment law angle...

The nanny doesn't get first refusal on any jobs you create within three months.

She has the right to be offered any jobs you have at the time of the redundancy (i.e. current vacancies). She potentially has the right to be offered a definite future position (not under the legislation, but in terms of fairness). Once you have made her redundant, she does not have the right to any vacancies you subsequently decide to create.

So, if you make no decision about the mothers help for now, put it on hold and decide after your baby is born that you want someone, that's fine, she has no automatic right to be offered the position.

The reason people sometimes talk about three months is that that's the time limit for filing an unfair dismissal claim. If you advertise again during this time, she could argue that the redundancy was a sham and you had the new position planned. However, that can be rebutted by showing that you hadn't and were waiting to see how things went...

Holly,
I have a nanny and my daughter is 2.10 so a little bit older than yours.
I have to say, to me personally the most important thing about my nanny is the way she interacts with my DD.
My nanny is not the best when it comes to tidying things up and that kind of thing but that becomes insignificant when I see the way she is with my DD and it is clearly not only when we, the parents, are around. Our nanny has been with us for 10 months now and in that time the two of them have developed such a sweet loving relationship that it sometimes makes me cry (yes I know). I am dreading the day she will leave.
Sorry to gush but what I am trying to say is that if you trust someone else to look after your child then you must be happy with the way they interact with them and you don't seem to be. Sounds like it's time to think about alternatives (whilst acting within the law of course)
Good luck

If it's not too nosy can I ask what wage/hours/how much holiday? I suspect that for her to refuse the revised MH job if you go down the redundancy route you'd have to try very hard!

You are dreading being with her on your ML but didn't dread leaving your dd with her after the 'discipline'?
Is all this for real?

Hi, I was a career nanny for 10 years up untill a month ago when I registered to be a childminder. I would NEVER even dream of doing that in any of the jobs I had. I know and have met quite a few nannies who are "only doing this because of the good money" So for your own peace of mind, and the mental health of your daughter, I would recommend giving her notice and moving on...Harsh as it sounds, she doesn't sound like she wants to be there anymore than you wanting her there. if she can tell you that your daughter was " a nightmare" all day, i cant imagine what has been going on behind closed doors. if I were you, i would use the maternaty leave as an excuse (if you really have too)

TBH I am joining the get rid brigade but if you are making her redundant you either have to offer her the new mother's help position when on maternity leave or do without. You are making a FT nanny redundant, not a domestic employee altogether. She gets first refusal on any advertisement you place within 3 months.

The other thing to consider is will you want to mention any of this on her reference? If so then you need to bring it up with her, give her a chance to improve and have evidence of what she was like before and after that meeting. You can then give a truthful reference because you can substantiate it. If you're happy to give either a neutral reference confirming dates and duties or give a positive reference then you don't need to mention it but you would be treading very close to the edge if you mentioned anything in a reference you hadn't brought up with her. This needn't affect the redundancy situation - if you're home FT and don't need help then you're home and don't need help so the job doesn't exist.

(1) Mood affects children and bringing personal stuff like this to work doesn't help anyone. When my grandfather died on a Saturday I had sole charge of my charge for 72 hours straight the following week, the funeral was the Friday after and I did not mention it at work again. Sometimes I was sad but I tried for the sake of the children to be upbeat. Sure it was tough but it's not their fault and personal trauma isn't really an excuse in any other environment. It's not about being hired help or a robot, it's about being professional.

(2) Absolutely not on for 2 reasons - a bedroom, which is presumably where the cot is, is for sleeping and feeling SAFE in, not for discipline and leaving her stranded for 20 minutes is just plain cruel. It can take 20 minutes to do a 2 minute time out with rapid-return to the step so the child stays there without crying but dumping a child in a cot isn't discipline

(3) I think she's angling for fewer hours on the same pay - be VERY careful if you do decide to make her redundant as you need to offer her the changed role and she may decide she likes it.

(5) After 2 years? Something isn't right.

(6) It sounds like she doesn't have the experience or the theoretical knowledge to deal with a toddler/preschooler. Babies are relatively easy and children get harder as they grow. Even from a young age children can scribble, do finger painting, messy play, crafty things, read books....What does she do with her? At this age a good nanny would be encouraging development in almost every area and should be leaving evidence of that behind, although if it's dressing up or lining up cars that's difficult to do! It sounds like nanny is just hanging out with your DD and not putting in the effort.

What is the disciplinary procedure in your contract? You need to tread carefully because she's been there over a year - so you have to have a reason to dismiss her - and is coming up for 2 so you've got redundancy payments to take into account.

In one sense bluegreen is right - if you make life uncomfortable enough she will leave but I don't really recommend that!

Sorry when my 3 year son said "shut up" to me when we had never told him to shut up the alarm bells started to go off. How come he was using that language unless someone had told him to shut up! (My DS1 is very chatty). That wasn't the only issue that we had I hasten to add.

Holly, I totally see how you can allow a nanny to stay even if you are not sure of her. If you are working full time, its your first and you don't have lots of experience of kids it can take a while to see that things are not as they are.

When we got rid of our nanny we had enough experience to know that things were not right.

Agreed get a mothers help or student to help you out when you go on maternity leave. Choose someone who is cheery and who you like, at the end of the day it doesn't matter if they will make pureed ice cubes for your kids to eat it is whether you and your kids like them.

Bonsoir, you made me smile. Altho, I do knwo nannies chatting on the phone whole day, ignoring kids at the park or 1 o'clock clubs and when its tiem for their boss to come home they start reading or doing activities. And their bosses adore them as they think their kids had productive and busy day! What the heck? That is cheating in my book and I want to deserve my salary. Now I better go and wake up my gorgeous.

HAve a lovely day.
Bluegree

mold - I don't get what you were saying about your 3rd nanny.

Holly, how come all these started to bother you now that you are about to go on ML?

I had three nannies;

• the first was a bit controlling but did so much with our pfb and he loved her

• the second was like a ray of australian sunshine and our boys loved her

• the third was well qualified and loads of experience but she never bonded with the kids, when my three year old started saying "shut up" to me when we got rid of her

Just reading that it is a bit scary, we had three nannies in three and a half years!! After the third I gave up work

If I were a nanny, I would be sure to be sitting on the sofa with my charge(s) reading nice improving books when the parents got in from work, or playing with the dolls house or a puzzle . We might have watched DVDs during the day but I would make sure that I was doing something productive and calm when my bosses arrived.

Just the fact that your nanny doesn't do this and manage her own PR is telling, IMO.

Holly, please read my respond fully as I also had said that she should be doing arts &crafts etc. and should be bonding with ur DD by now!

You asked honest responds and i gave you mine. You dont have to agree with it. But if you dreading to go on maternity leave means that you are not happy with her anyway so I think you should do what makes you and your DD happy. After all you can find another nanny and she can find another job. I just wanted you to see hings from her side as well. And would feel offended if my boss think that I'm just a hired help!

Good luck with whatever you do.

Bluegreen

jeez bluegreen. Have you ever employed a nanny? Letting employee take 6 weeks off work after bereavement is incredibly generous, do you know how hard that is for the employer? It's not about nannies being a robot, it's about being professional childcarers.

You might be surprised. Maybe she wont want to work for you after finidning out how unsensitive you are RE: her bravement

That would be the best outcome for the OP. If only you could get rid of all crap employees that easily.

I agree with the other posters. It's not working out so you need to let her go.

Can I suggest that rather than a nanny when you are on ML you get a mothers help/cleaner to come in as much as you need her to. You don't want to be spending your time cleaning up/washing/hoovering with 2 small children if you don't have to and if I were you I'd look for some help around the house, particularly if you can find someone that's also good with kids and could perhaps keep an eye on your dd if you had to take your baby to a baby group or something. We had a nanny for a bit when I was at home ft when my sons were babies and it just didn't work out because she got to do all the lovely mummy bits and I ended up doing the housework. Disaster. We got a lovely mothers help who was my life saver and who adores my children. Best thing we ever did.

BlueGreen - I agree that you'll have down days after a bereavement, but that's just one of many issues. Also, just like I would hold it together in the office and in front of my kids, I would expect a nanny to broadly be able to hold it together after six weeks. I'm not talking about being a robot, but just that being well enough to come back to work means not crying "a lot" (which is what the OP said, not sometimes, which I think is relevant) in front of your charge.