Nanny and her mobile phone... wwyd?

Nannies are often young women. Young people go everywhere with their phones. It's not an issue. YABU on this point. She would be amazed if you raised it.

Different if she was spending hours on the phone chatting but you don't say she is.

It does take time to relax and trust and let go...I've been a nanny employer for 14 years and it doesnt really get easier but you get used to it. You have to delegate and trust, just as you do at work. You cannot micromanage everything and it is good for our DCs to get different influences.

Ultimately it depends on whether you think that her focus is more on her phone than on yoru children. Our current nanny is fine - will arrange playdates etc and speak to me and her phone usage is minimal, but our previous nanny was glued to her phone to the extent that it was clear that she was just going through the motions with our children and her mind was not fully on the job at all. If we were not physically in the room with her then her phone was generally in use. Not what I expect from someone employed to look after my children. Fortunately she resigned pretty much on the day we were oing to give her a final warning.

It is all about balance.

I could not survive with out my mobile during the day. I do not see or talk with any adults at all. The DC's are all at school and I am stuck in the house most of the day. My family are friends are overseas too so given the time difference I talk in the mornings with them while loading the dishwasher etc

If she was on the phone constantly and not playing at all with your DC then I would make an issue out of it but every so often is not hurting anyone.

Our old nanny was on her mobile a fair bit - mostly incoming calls.

A lot of it was her arranging to meet with her nanny friends, which I encouraged to a degree because I wanted DD to be out and about with other kids and for our nanny to not be bored at home all day. If she made the odd personal call, well, so do I when I am at work.

DD did at one point suggest that we should get the nanny a new phone for christmas because "she really likes her phone Mummy!" I mentioned that to her and noticed the mobile use did decline a bit, but it really wasn't a major issue as she was a v good nanny in general and I trusted her to know what was appropriate.

However if your nanny is making calls when she shouldn't be I would say something. Our first nanny decided to use our home phone to make calls to Australia! I hadn't given permission (and she racked up £50+ in a couple of weeks!) but also I could see from the bill that she was making the calls at times when DD - then 14 months - would have been awake and wanting attention, so there were two issues there. Just so you know, that nanny also had a punctuality problem - I wish I had dealt with it more harshly as it was indicative of a generally slack attitude and lack of boundaries.

Our nanny has her mobile with her at all times and frequently gets texts which I know are from friends / boyfriends but I really don't have an issue with it. Texts take seconds to read and respond to and she is a fabulous nanny to the DCs and a text here or there does not detract from that. I work full time and send and receive texts during the day (including to and from her)so unless she is permantly glued to it and ignoring your DC then I would breathe and let it go.

You could have a review meeting where you raise the phone along with everything else, so it won't seem like you're making a big deal about it.

For me it would be a major deal as I had one nanny for whom the phone was clearly top priority, way ahead of any work duty. It was a problem. She was unfocused and, frankly, lazy in other ways too, and is funnily enough no longer with us. Phone use and not use is now in our contracts.

Punctuality was something that my nanny wasn't great at in the early days - but we addressed it very quickly and she soon got the message. The texting wouldn't bother me unduly - I often text, chat on the phone etc when I'm at home and being at home with children all day can be isolating...

My children were always happy, healthy, well fed and had a wide circle of friends, due to my nanny's friendships with other childcare professionals/friends. As long as she's not on the phone all the time and is caring for your son properly, then I don't see that as being a problem. The lateness, yes and you need to address it.

I also agree with the others, that alarm bells are also ringing when you say that you can't approach her with something - because she might be upset - she's looking after your most precious 'possession'!!

I always have my mobile in the general area that I'm in, possibly a hangover from having a boss who expected me on the end of the phone instantly.

Get your nanny to fill out a diary of the day so you know where she's taking him. How is she coping without playdates? Much as I love playing with children I would go crazy without another adult to see occasionally and it's good for children to socialise.

phones are the easiest way of communication

i often send emails/textx to my mb/db of things we have done, at the park/playing at friends house/swimming etc and they LOVE getting the pics

if i have something to mention to mb/db , often i send a text/email as then they can reply at their own time

just sent one saying have had 3 poos so far and what on earth did they feed baby at weekend - i didnt include a pic of nappy

as nick says , i get lots of textx/calls throughout the day - my mb/db love it that the children get out+about

my phone is on so that school/nursery can call me if children are ill/mb can get hold of me as often not in the house as we are out|+about lots

it comes down to trust, if you dont trust her then dont employ her

the 10mins late is another matter, that would seriously piss me off

Does the phone have a camera on it (most do). She could use it to take photos of the places they go to. I upload photos once a week, so my boss can see where we have been, what we have done. Though can be quite lacking at times, especially if we have been swimming lots - no photos at the swimming pool.

GPS Tracker Another GPS Tracker, at 1/2 the cost. - Using a GPS Tracker though may be going to a bit of an extreme! Would log the buggy location though

Hope it goes well I learnt the hard way that nothing is too petty when you're trying to build trust with a nanny, and that without trust, it will end badly sooner or later.

Just because someone works for you doesn't mean they have to be cut off from all other aspects of their lives while at work. I understand your concern if you think she's on the phone and not playing with DS, but it sounds like really you don't think she is, just that you think she might. Wait until you actually feel his care is suffering before you get upset about her taking the odd call or text message.

I am not a nanny and don't have a nanny but I'd have thought it's clearly not the kind of job where you get specific breaks worked in or can wander off for 10 minutes and no one will notice, so communicating with people by text message while with your charge/s seems entirely natural and reasonable.

i don't think you are controlling at all, but I do think it's interesting that you feel you couldn't have an open honest conversation with your nanny about this.

One of my ex-nannies had her phone on all the time. That didn't bother me, but when she finally went (after not paying back money owed and not turning up during notice period etc), my DD told me "[XX] had this problem, whenever her phone went off, she couldn't stop talking!" I was doubly glad she had gone.

"Why employ her if you don't trust her? "
Well trust doesn't come automatically with employment even of a nanny, it's something you have to build together. I think it's understandable not to be able to trust your nanny to start with, but it's not OK not being able to work on it together.

The nanny can't control when she receives a text.

The problem here is if you confront her she'll put it on silent when you're around, who's to say she'll remember to turn the sound on - you may find the one time you're out of the house and really need to contact her, you won't be able to because she won't hear the phone.

At least with the sound on you can hear the frequency of the text noise, and if it's all the time then you need to broach it.

I get loads of texts though don't particularly send them - from my network provider telling me my bill is ready, from my Mum wanting to leave me a message in her lunch hour. I can't bear sending them, too much hassle on a touch screen phone.

The bigger issue here is that you don't trust her. Why employ her if you don't trust her?

Oh yes, if I'm out and about I may twitter my location - which my boss will then pick up and know where her children have been, so can then ask them about their trip out when they get home. I even sometimes upload pictures to TwitPic (note: no identifiable children in pictures available to public).

The main thing that jumps out at me from the OP is that you say she would get 'angry and defensive'. I would be a little concerned if I had a nanny who I didn't feel I could be open with or who would easily take offense.

Children running amok - where do you see that? Soft-play? That's the place for children running around having fun. Soft-play is very boring for adults!

Are there any other reasons why you don't fully trust her yet? Could this issue be a tip of an iceberg that you are not telling us about?

Perhaps describing a typical day would help - do you know roughly what your nanny does most of the day? Mileage logs and Photos help to show what happens - which reminds me, it's the beginning of the month so I must do my mileage claim form today.

Surely reading/ replying to a text takes seconds. Do you actually want her to be constantly hovering over your DC?

You've just said you don't want to upset the relationship and think it's ok to have a few texts so why are you going to talk to her about this. IMO you will cause upset by doing this.
I feel when working with children you have to pick your battles as it were. Ie. I can't abide rudeness or whinging but I let them get away with other stuff.

It's the same with hiring a nanny surely, lateness is not ok nor is dishonesty etc but surely a few texts are ok?

Its up to you how you want to play this and yes ultimately you are the employer so you can set the rules but if you micromanage too much and are too controlling then you may find yourself down the line with either an unhappy nanny or none at all.