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Original poster

Au pairs and food

37 replies

neva · 13/02/2010 17:54

What do you do if you find your au pair has specific dietary requirements (which she did not tell you about in her application)? I provide bread, cheese, fruit, tomatoes, yoghurt etc for her lunches, but instead of eating these she eats foods such as pasta and vegetables. This is a problem because these foods are intended for our evening meals, and my budget doesn't run to keeping the fridge full of the fresh organic veg which she prefers.

I tend to think that ap should accept what is provided (when I was an au pair, I would never have dreamt of asking my family to provide special food for me!) Am I being unreasonable? Ideas welcome. Many thanks.

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Missus84 · 13/02/2010 19:52

Maybe you could let her choose one or two special items to go on the shopping list every week.

Original poster
neva · 13/02/2010 18:52

She is into 'healthy' eating and unprocessed foods. We do eat healthily as a family, within our budget. The foods offered to her are identical to those we are eat ourselves.

When we are eating together as a family I would certainly not be providing a separate meal for her, and wouldn't find it acceptable for her to be cooking for herself (too much palaver in the kitchen!) Bread and fruit always available in case of hunger pangs.

OP posts:
frakkinaround · 13/02/2010 18:48

If she's fussy then she should adapt. That's what part of the idea of an AP exchange is. Genuine dietary requirements are fair enough but it sounds as though she's just being a bit princess-y about food.

Missus84 · 13/02/2010 18:39

So is she just fussy rather than having dietary requirements? I'd just expect her to eat the food you usually eat, with fruit and bread as an alternative.

What are the specific foods she wants?

Original poster
neva · 13/02/2010 18:35

Thanks. Having read your posts, think I could compromise by buying cheap pasta. Not so sure there is any such thing as cheap veg in my area, but will have a go.

She also won't eat the 'easy' foods I leave her to prepare for herself and dd when I can't get home early; eg, oven chips, pizza, breaded chicken. (Best quality, and there is salad and fresh fruit, too). Nor the breakfast cereals/toast provided for breakfast (have already conceded on this one, buying the specific foods she specified in her first week).

Still tend to think on principle that staying in someone else's house, you accept what's on offer, unless, say, you have an allergy, and that it's for the ap to adapt to the family, not the other way round!

OP posts:
nbee84 · 13/02/2010 18:23

I'm a nanny rather than an au pair, but the lunch I eat at work (with the children) is usually pasta, noodles, couscous or soup. In fact, the only time we tend to have sandwiches is when we take a packed lunch out with us.

Missus84 · 13/02/2010 18:16

To be honest, cheese sandwiches every day would get a little dull - pasta is quite a usual/reasonable lunch food isn't it? She's not cooking a three course roast dinner for her lunch, I'd assume sandwiches, pasta, salad, soup is pretty normal for lunch.

blueshoes · 13/02/2010 18:13

I also provide only sandwich food for lunch which she is expected to prepare for herself. I make that clear on the first day. I also say that extras like snacks are on her account.

I would agree with Laurie's approach to buy inexpensive pasta and veg. Definitely won't agree to buying organic veg on a daily basis.

Most of my aupairs did not ask for speciality foods to be paid for by me, though I might include the odd item in the weekly shop out of goodwill. I think it is a little forward to expect the family to pay for a high maintenance diet on a daily basis. However, in your case, pasta and non-organic veg can be got quite cheaply.

If she won't compromise, I would give her a sum which amounts to the cost of feeding her on your terms and let her get on with it.

frakkinaround · 13/02/2010 18:11

It depends what the dietary requirements are. If, for example, she can't have milk then there are plenty of substitutes she can have without eating the pasta and veg for dinner. Tell her that in your house you have X, Y or Z for lunch and A, B and C are for dinner. Saying that I exist on pasta and rice mostly so would see if we could compromise, maybe by buying cheaper pasta!

Is she from a country where the culture would be to eat a large meal at midday? Or somewhere where pasta and veg are dietary staples and the cheapest things to eat?

I don't know if you are being unreasonable, whether she's being unreasonable or whether it's a communication problem. When I see these posts I always try to think of it from their POV if they're from somewhere it would be normal to do the things I mention above. Imagine: My host mother seems to really resent me eating lunch. I only eat pasta and vegetables which they always have in the fridge because I'm used to having a hot lunch.....and so on.

You need to sit down and talk this through with her. Explain that it might be different in her country but here you eat sandwiches and yog/fruit for lunch with a hot meal in the evening which is what the pasta and veg is for.

nbee84 · 13/02/2010 18:11

At least it is just pasta and veg she is eating - it could be salmon, speciality bread and exotic fruit or something even more expensive. We've had a few threads on here about au pairs and exotic tastes and about huge food consumption. Pasta and veg is quite a normal lunch and a lot of people would eat this, so I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to provide it.

I think if you have something in the fridge that you have earmarked to cook in the evening then you should just pop a note on it

LaurieFairyCake · 13/02/2010 17:58

Buy cheaper pasta and cheaper veg. The essentials pasta at Waitrose is about 80p and very good.

Missus84 · 13/02/2010 17:58

What are her dietary requirements? Have you told her what is for lunch and what is for dinner and she has refused?