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Original poster

Can I have your opinions please (live-in nannies particularly)

35 replies

andagain · 29/01/2010 10:10

Hello all.
We have a live-in nanny who has been with us for 9 months. She is great with our daughter, looks after her well etc and they get on really well.
Her working hours are Mon-Wed 7.30-.5.30. (For a bit of background she was with us full time for four months and then when our DD started nursery this changed to three days but she still lives with us full time, that was the agreement from the beginning and everyone is happy with it. Basically I wanted continuity of care for our DD and thought this was best).

She rarely goes out (but that is a different thread) and has dinner with us every night, which we prepare and which is fine with us. The thing that really bugs me is that she washes up on average once a month if that. Now, of course it is not in her contract that she washes up but I just thought it was common curtesy to share the washing up, setting table etc if you are eating dinner with people. If my husband cooks, I'll wash up and the other way around but she never does it, or hardly ever. We sit down and have dinner and then when she's done she drops her plate in the sinks and walks off to watch tv.

Would it be a bit off for me to say something? Or am I being a bit of a pushover?

How does it work with other people in live-in posts, or with live-in nannies?

I can't help thinking that she is taking the mick as, in the evening we have all done full day's work and it is only fair that we share duties around meal times.

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Original poster
andagain · 29/01/2010 14:46

The thing is that it never entered my mind that our nanny would want to eat dinner with us every night to begin with (our previous nanny certainly didn't, which is of course fine).
It seems from all the posts, very helpful to me, that some kind of rota or gentle reminder is the way forward.
Thank you

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Strix · 29/01/2010 14:27

I would probably tell her that DH and are are working out a rota so the dinner chores are spread fairly and ask if she wants to take part, but of course you would understand if she just wanted to eat on her own. Hence, giving her the choice joining in or cooking/cleaning for herself.

I would definitely not be inclined to cokk and clean for my nanny with no help from her.

In my house, nanny cooks for the kids. I come home and cook for me and bugger off up to my room. Nanny comes along and makes something for herself.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 29/01/2010 12:58

I am a live in nanny and I also eat with the family at least 4 nights a week - as would be silly for me to cook for myself half an hour later

Some nights mb comes home and cooks, this might be because myself and charge are out when she gets home, sometimes we will be home but she will get started on the meal and other times I will cook (50/50) a meal for everyone, whoever cooks, also sets the table as it's literally a couple of placmats and cutlery, but we will both tidy up after supper, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the table, wiping down oven/surfaces, cleaning up charge etc

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2010 12:44

unusual for live in nannys to eat with employers every night but if you and she are happy with this,then do as frannie says and ask her to wash up (do you not hve a dw) or load the ds while you sweep the floor etc

Original poster
andagain · 29/01/2010 10:45

You're right frakkinaround, I think she just doesn't know that is really the norm (or I assume it is). She is 21.
I don't want to make a big deal out of it but I feel I need to say something. Just suggesting she does it every now and then is probably the best way forward.
I am just so nervous about upsetting her in any way as she is so lovely wiht DD.

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frakkinaround · 29/01/2010 10:34

x-post - just seen you said she's young. She probably hasn't been in a position where she's had to tidy up after herself before so just needs reminding/showing what to do when you live with other adults.

frakkinaround · 29/01/2010 10:33

I would start asking her if she minds washing up while you do X, Y or Z. Or if she could set the table as dinner is nearly ready. You obviously need to spell it out to her but I don't think it calls for a sit down chat in much the same way that I ask DH to get plates out/tidy the table.

How old is she (roughly?) as if she's very young she just might not think to do her own washing up or share in the process. Equally if this is her first live-in role or she's never been in a houseshare before she's probably never been told that this it's the norm to pitch in/tidy up after herself.

Original poster
andagain · 29/01/2010 10:31

Thank you Laurie...

Yes she babysits on Thursday evenings, that is in her contract but that's it.

I feel it's wrong to ask her to do anything then at her contract says babysitting rather than any other duties.

Very tricky, I don't want to upset her in any way, she is young and far away from home and I do want her to feel part of the family but I think it should not involve me tidying up after her.

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LaurieFairyCake · 29/01/2010 10:22

hmm...tricky.

I would make some household chores part of her duties on Mon-wed to make up for you doing all the cooking/washing up. I think it would be tricky to broach her doing chores on the other days but maybe if you get on well you could just put a rota up? Does she not help at all Thursday- Sunday? No babysitting? If she babysat you could get some household chores in there maybe?

Original poster
andagain · 29/01/2010 10:12

errr "sink" not sinks.

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