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Original poster

Can I have your opinions please (live-in nannies particularly)

35 replies

andagain · 29/01/2010 10:10

Hello all.
We have a live-in nanny who has been with us for 9 months. She is great with our daughter, looks after her well etc and they get on really well.
Her working hours are Mon-Wed 7.30-.5.30. (For a bit of background she was with us full time for four months and then when our DD started nursery this changed to three days but she still lives with us full time, that was the agreement from the beginning and everyone is happy with it. Basically I wanted continuity of care for our DD and thought this was best).

She rarely goes out (but that is a different thread) and has dinner with us every night, which we prepare and which is fine with us. The thing that really bugs me is that she washes up on average once a month if that. Now, of course it is not in her contract that she washes up but I just thought it was common curtesy to share the washing up, setting table etc if you are eating dinner with people. If my husband cooks, I'll wash up and the other way around but she never does it, or hardly ever. We sit down and have dinner and then when she's done she drops her plate in the sinks and walks off to watch tv.

Would it be a bit off for me to say something? Or am I being a bit of a pushover?

How does it work with other people in live-in posts, or with live-in nannies?

I can't help thinking that she is taking the mick as, in the evening we have all done full day's work and it is only fair that we share duties around meal times.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 03/02/2010 14:23

lovelier than boffy - never

BoffinMum · 03/02/2010 14:22

Mr Boff is in fact lovelier than me. he is exceptionally lovely. Although his late mother used to come up to me regularly and say things like "Thanks so much, dear, for taking him on" whilst hugging me tightly.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/02/2010 14:21

bless her, i did offer db a sandwich but he wanted a sausage

BoffinMum · 03/02/2010 14:20

My lovely temp made me a nice sarnie on her first day as I was running around organising things and had got peckish.

She's so nice I could cry!

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/02/2010 14:15

pmsl

i have db at home today and i have made him 2 cuupas of poffy (earl grey tea)

he puts the kettle on, i do the rest

BoffinMum · 03/02/2010 14:13

One of my acquaintances in My Former Life As A Grand Person said she had a gay butler precisely to avoid tea delivery problems of this nature.

As HM The Queen Mother allaegedly put it,

"Is there an old queen down there who might care to bring a Dubonnet up to an old queen up here?"

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/02/2010 14:12

sure he is as lovely as dr boff

BoffinMum · 03/02/2010 14:10

Mr Boff is looooovely, to Dr Boff, anyway

frakkinaround · 02/02/2010 18:49

now has a v odd mental image of mr boffreaches for the mind bleach

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2010 18:39

leaving cuppa in kitchen is fine for the nanny

no need for naked mr boffy in her bedroom (or even his, if got a male nanny)

BoffinMum · 02/02/2010 15:46

Although it has to be said DH is a kind of genetic hybrid of Bruce Willis, Ian Hislop and James VI of Scotland, rather than Jude Law. But you get my drift ...

BoffinMum · 02/02/2010 15:44

It is bad enough remembering to put a dressing gown on myself without getting DH all sartorially prepared to go discreetly to a nanny's bedroom with a cuppa (he does the pouring and delivering, you see). He would probably go in the buff one morning by accident, and she would think he had gone all Jude Law. So none of that nonsense. But perhaps on the job spec I should have put 'own teasmade provided' LOL!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2010 11:24

boffy - you need a 3 cup one so that nanny gets a cuppa

15mins late and lives in

def need a chat, do keep us filled in x

frakkinaround · 02/02/2010 09:52

Reviews are great, but do give your nanny a little time to prepare as she may have things she wants to bring up.

Good luck!

Original poster
andagain · 02/02/2010 09:49

Hello all,
Thank you for all the interest and helpful suggestions.
No we didn't have the chat this weekend as she was out and then we went away so we didn't see her until this morning (when she was 15 mins late, as she was on the computer!) . But,we have spent a lot of time thinking about this and other little things that niggle me and that don't seem such a big thing when looked at separately, but when put together seem like I am being taken for a ride. So I have written it all down and am a bit shocked at how much stuff I let go without saying anything (yes my own fault for being a wimp) because I know my daughter is happy with this nanny and I don't want to rock the boat but it seems I am doing a hell of a lot work (on top of my full time job) which my nanny should be and is not, in order to keep her with us and keep her and my daughter happy. And whilst my priority is of course my daughter's happiness, I am sure that it is not mutually exclusive with nanny clearing up after herself and my daughter, and turning up for work (one flight of stairs away from her bedroom!) on time, to name a few things.
I think it might be time for a full on review, rather than just a little chat about washing up.
Thank you all.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 01/02/2010 21:28

Cheeky wench.

If you must ask, it is our Teasmade tray. Yes, snicker away, all of you. We have a Teasmade and two mugs, and on days when we are both commuting we bring down the tray with the little teapot and the mugs, and leave it by the dw as we dash out the door.

Now you lot know all my inner secrets.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/02/2010 18:33

boff, are you saying that mr boff doesnt put his coffee mug away in dw, or are you the shameful one

ANDAGAIN did you have your chat at the weekend?

catepilarr · 01/02/2010 16:16

i have to say i am appalled by some people's behaviour and sence of entitlement. i would find it hard to believe that there can be people like that if my own sister wasnt like that too. i find that very frustrating. and agree she needs to be told you expect her to share the chores before it all builds up. hope it goes well.

BoffinMum · 31/01/2010 21:43

BTW I now mention this in interviews - it's the first question! 'Would you put two mugs in the dishwasher if they were sitting on the side and you were loading it anyway?"

BoffinMum · 31/01/2010 21:41

I have had this problem with APs and a nanny all in this age group. Many of them are so used to be waited on hand and foot by their mums, that it doesn't occur to them for a minute that they are being rather selfish (and sometimes even exhausting).

Quite often I have had to say plainly to them that it is normal to take a turn emptying the bin, putting other people's mugs into the dishwasher if you're loading it anyway, washing up after meals, etc. Some of them just respond with an 'OK, I see' and start joining in, whereas others are very resentful about it indeed, see it as personal criticism, and start treating me as though I am a nagging parent.

You're going to have to say something, but very, very tactfully IMO.

Original poster
andagain · 30/01/2010 14:27

Thank you so much for your views.
I agree NannyNorthLondon, 21 is not that young. You should certainly not expect others to clean up after you. I figure this should apply nanny or not.
I think we'll have a chat this weekend

OP posts:
NannyNorthLlondon · 30/01/2010 13:50

I have been a live-in nanny for 3 years and i was just 18 when I started my first position but I never expected for somebody to clean after me.I think your nanny its not used to clean after herself or she is just lazzy.You should probably have a chat and put in her duties to wash the plates in the day she is working.This is how it was for me in my second position and it worked perfectlly.At 21 you are not that young anymore , if she was 16 it was different story.

thenewbornnanny · 29/01/2010 17:01

We have a rule of whoever cooks the other person cleans up after. Apart from dadboss whose only job it would appear is to eat the food.

HarrietTheSpy · 29/01/2010 16:58

We are still adapting to a live-in arrangement with our au pair. So I understand why these situations can be hard. But I think it's absolutely fine to ask for help setting the table and cleaning up. This isn't a 'contractual' issue at all, by the way, this is a basic 'we live together, we eat together, let's be polite to each other' sort of thing.

gruber · 29/01/2010 15:22

When I lived in we had an amicable sort of arrangement whereas if MB cooked, I'd wash up and load the dishes or other way round. Worked really well and then you get free time one side of dinner so that you're not stuck in the kitchen for hours.