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Original poster

just had a v bad conversation with my nanny

61 replies

nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 15:34

we have a nanny one day a week. she is great, we love her. due to the snowy conditions we have given her 2 fridays off as 'snow days'. she has not offered to take those as holiday or to come in on a different day in lieu, she has simply expected that we will just pay her. that has been fine as my employer and my dh's have given us a day off each to stay at home with dds. we both need to be in work this week when she is due to work. i just made a call to say that if she cant make it then we will need to pay a childminder friend of ours to have the dds so we can go in. she said 'then i will take it a holiday'. i said 'but we cant afford to pay you and pay her and we have already given you 2 extra days off'. she said 'you cant just not pay me'. i said 'well actually i think i can'. anyway in her christmas card is a week's wages as a bonus so she'll be getting that which is in effect her salary for that week anyway. from threads i have read and dicussions i have listened to i believe i can just 'not pay her'. is this right and surely i would then just not give her the bonus (which she knows about) which is tantamount to teh same thing anyway? things are now v v awkward and i cant think she can expect me to just keep on paying her when she doenst come in? we have to trudge nearly 2 miles in the snow to the station and wait around for hours etc to get in. any one got any thoughts?

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BecauseImWorthIt · 13/01/2010 16:16

If you're not paid by your employer, or if the general rule of thumb is not to pay, then obviously you're not mean!

As an employer it wouldn't cross my mind to not pay people who couldn't get in because of snow.

Original poster
nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 16:16

the issue is though she has expectations and is now upset with me which doesnt make for a good relationship. and we strive so hard to achieve that - the downside of having a nanny i guess....

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BecauseImWorthIt · 13/01/2010 16:15

So you've given her two days off when you can't get in? Are you paid by your employer when you can't get in for snow? I'm sure you are - so why shouldn't she be paid?

If she can't get in on Friday, then it has to be a snow day for her - so again, why shouldn't she be paid? It isn't her fault if she can't get in, just like it wouldn't be your fault if you can't get in. Suggesting that you're not going to pay her for it is wrong - and very mean.

If she can't get in, then you will have to find alternative childcare - or take a day off yourself.

Talking about taking it from her Christmas bonus (which surely you've already paid her anyway?) is just mean.

It sounds like you need to work on a better back up plan for emergency childcare.

And I'm not surprised that things are difficult if this is how you expect to treat her!

Original poster
nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 16:12

thanks mo3g. that is the sort of thing we expected too- we have said it doesnt matter if she is a bit late or needs to leave a bit early. but we do all sorts of things to get into work. she works for anoher family who let her get away with too much so i look like the meanie! and agreed need to explicitly state what we expect in future. there are bound to be other situations, i am sure of it that i havent rhought of so just ened something like eg up to 2 days off a year for emergencies, beyond that nothing is paid.

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PandaEis · 13/01/2010 16:11

exactly nowwearefour if YOU dont go to work you DONT get paid. same should apply to her. it shouldnt be a big song and dance for her to get to work for one day especially if you are able to travel to work yourself.

mo3g · 13/01/2010 16:09

I am a mum and a nanny and no way would i expect to get 3 weeks paid off because of the weather, i have left 3 hours before i start my job to make sure i get there granted yes there are times it is not possible but 3 weeks is not on imo. You need to be clear about what you expect from her and have this in her contract so in future she knows what will happen and it will avoid this situation. Have a good chat and explain your situation and i hope you come tol an agreement.

Original poster
nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 16:08

and she only has 1 holiday day left this year. i am happy for her to still have that but the issue is that we cant afford to pay her and another childcarer for that day. and if we dont go in, we dont get paid.

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nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 16:06

by the way the conversation didnt run exactly as i had written it- it was more friendly but the essence is what i have put down in my post.

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Original poster
nowwearefour · 13/01/2010 16:03

aSilver- thanks for your post. i am v keen to know in what way i have handled it badly from the beginning. it should have been in the contract, but this just wasnt foreseen (and i dont think i am the only one to have been caught out by this). each of the last 2 times have been rather last minute cancellations so we havent had time to 'negotiate' as dh and i have had to discuss options with each other and our own bosses etc. so this time i thought i would set it out clearly in advance just to avoid any confusion on the day (so she can make plans etc). we have let a few other things slide to keep the peace but we cant just let her expect us to keep on paying- she thinks we have a limitless amount of money but in actual fact we struggle a lot to be able to afford her. you think i should call her back i did try to explain my reasons to her and did say that i didnt want things to be awkward between us but the fact is that she has huge money issues so therefore is particularly sensitive about this subject. i suspect she has already spent (by which i mean mentally allocated) the bonus as well as the monthyl salary and it seems mean not to give it to her when we were trying to be generous (giving her this meant no christmas presents between dh and me). we try to do unto her as we are done unto by our employer - surely she can expect no more than this. yes she lives a few miles away and the snow has been v bad in our areas. i just want to make it right if i am in the wrong but i would like to know how i am in the wrong so i can make it right!

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PandaEis · 13/01/2010 15:56

TBH i think she was quite unreasonable to expect to be paid for any of the days. if YOU cancelled her services for the day then she could expect a wage but to call up 2 weeks running with a potential third week and expect to be fully paid for not doing her job is a tad ridiculous IMO i would say that as her employer you have every right to expect her to come in to work and if she is paid but not in it should be classed as an emergency holiday and it should be taken out of her entitlement. that is how it works for 90% of employees, i certainly does in my place of work! it is up to you whether she gets paid or gets given the bonus but you definitely need to sit down with her and make it clear that this isnt acceptable behaviour IYHO and discuss the expectations for the future as it does sound as if they were not exactly clear in the beginning.

aSilverLining · 13/01/2010 15:44

Think this has been handled badly from the off TBH. Call her up to review it, ask her to clarify if she wants these snow days as paid holidays or not. There is your answer. For all 3 of them not picking and choosing as each one crops up. Then review it and write it on your contracts.

What is the trouble with her getting to you? Is it quite a way for her to come?

I am not surprised things feel awkward it all comes across as a bit hufffy TBH.