Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

My nanny is a domestic disaster....

65 replies

WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 20:10

I've hired both nannies I've employed because I thought they were natural with children. Glad to say, both have been fantastic with my 3 yr old, and she loved them both to bits.

However, I used to think it would be hard to find someone less domestic than Nanny 1 - that's till I met Nanny 2.

It's a 30 hr week over 3 days, and sole charge of just 1 3 year old, who goes to preschool for 2 1/2 hrs a week. The agreement was spelled out as solecharge plus nursery duties...

I have to say, if I do ask her to do something specific, like pick up party food for DD's party, she does do it - and she does do my daug's ironing and make her bed without being asked... but pretty much nothing else... - and she has 2 hours a day usually child-free!

The milk from the previous night is still next to my daug's bed when I get home from work, the art drawer is in a mess, the toy cupboard is rarely tidied. She wouldn't pick up her shoes and give them a polish, or tidy her book shelf, or change the sheets on her bed. One week, toys that I left on the lawn stayed there all week...

She never cooks anything more skilled than a baked potato - but most days she will either re-heat my home cooked meals, use the convenience food I would keep for emergencies or feed her snack food, like sandwiches..

She is very good with her, and DD has settled with her very well - but I would also have expected all of the above domestic stuff too... Are my expectations unreasonable?

Any advice on what I am doing wrong would also be helpful. Should I be providing a list rather than expecting her to use her initiative? She is an experienced nanny with over 20 yrs exp, and came with glowing references.

Advice apprecatiated - thanks!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
nannynick · 08/01/2010 22:25

It wouldn't occur to me to clean the window in the children's bedroom. Mind you I am a bloke, so can I use that as an excuse for not noticing that such things need doing.

Easiest in my view if everyone just chips in as and when they can. When doing the washing, I do what ever fits with the wash colour, not only children's clothes. Dishwasher gets put on by whomever has put the last few items in it.

You don't want to be micro managing, your nanny should be able to see a bit better what needs doing. No one will be perfect but she sounds worse than me!

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 08/01/2010 22:02

Will the nanny also have sole charge of the new baby too WashWithCare?

Original poster
WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 22:01

Nannynick - I have given her a list of things DD's likes - there is also frozen (homemade) dough in the freezer - and I have dropped this fact into the conversation. To no avail...

I also suggested once, I've invited X (another preschooler) on a playdate - could you cook them their supper? If it had been me, wiht a guest to please, I would have shown off with supper and dessert... So she went to Iceland and bought frozen pizza. No vveg, no side salad - just reheatable pizza. I kid you not.

She said at interview, she enjoyed baking - but no evidence yet!

I have tried to encourage her... I asked her one week to change the sheets - thanked her nicely... then I asked the next week... thanked her nicely... then on the third week, i said nothing... so she didn't change the sheets... I suppose I'm meant to say, please change the sheets every week...

But tbh, I just find it exhausting... the hassle of thinking of a weekly to do list just outweighs the help it would be to get it done...

I also wonder about what is really her job and what is not... I have a 3 year old so her bedroom window and the living room window is constantly covered in... err 3 year old type grubby marks... Is it reasoanble to ask a nanny to wipe it off...or shoudl I ask the cleaner? In practice, I'm the only person who ever seems to do it... If I was a nanny, I think I would jsut do it...

I have a stressful job and manage a team at work, so the last thing I want to do is come home and micro-manage the cleaner and nanny....

I an also worried about getting into the situation of trying to out-wit the nanny (for example, by not keeping convenience food). Most of the convenience stuff in my house is my own homemade frozen batches, so it would be hard to get rid of it anyway...

I did however get into this trying to think ahead of the previous nanny - and I just think it was more stress than it was worth...

We could have a word with her, I suppose - but this week we have already been raising other concerns (unrelated to this), and I don't want to be constantly complaining... but I am hacked off!

OP posts:
nannynick · 08/01/2010 21:38

"expecting nanny to make homemade pizza dough is unfair" - surely not, I've been know to make that. Made cakes today, a very mild lamb curry, bread (using the bread maker so that was cheating rather a lot). Cooking is part of the job of a nanny, isn't it? While a nanny may not be a highly skilled chef, I do feel that they should be trying to make things... children often love to help with cooking.

Have you directly asked her to make specific things for your DD's lunch (lunch I see as being the main meal of the day usually for a pre-school aged child - it's often when they will eat most I find), perhaps asking her to make something specific will spur her on to doing more cooking.

nbee84 · 08/01/2010 21:37

The fact that your 3 year old loves her to bits is a huge plus though. I'm sure you'd rather things this way than a nanny that got all the jobs done but didn't engage with your daughter.

This is a problem that can be sorted though. Either have a sit down and talk things through with her or drop the odd job on her week by week until she is doing the things that you most want done.

Tell her the ingredients are in the fridge to make a cottage pie. Stop buying convenience foods or when you are having a day to day chat drop into the cnversation that you are trying to have a health kick for 2010 and that the convenience food is there for emergencies.

The next week ask her to change the sheets and fill the wash load up with dd's towels etc. When she's done so tell her what a help it's been and with a big smile ask her to do it weekly/fortnightly.

Mention that the toy/art cupboard has got jumbled and would she mind giving it a good sort whilst dd is at nursery. When she's done it you smile and say how much easier it will be to keep it tidy now that it's all sorted out.

With any luck she'll pick up on the fact that she should have been doing things like this anyway.

loobylu3 · 08/01/2010 21:28

washwithcare- I think she is just lazy- sorry! Surely, one of the main advantages of a nanny is that you can return from work to a house with some degree of order and that she can help with some of the domestic chores (relating to the children). If she has 2 1/2 hours child free a day, she should be able to manage to keep the house tidy (ie tidying toys away/ unstaking dishwasher), perform usual nursery duties (DD's laundry and ironing, changing sheets, cleaning room, etc). during that time. One three year old child isn't such hard work! I would definitely speak to her and explain your expectations. I am sure there are lots of fantastic, hard working nannies out there!

Original poster
WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 21:11

lol - I suppose the thing which annoys me is I did discuss at the interview the sort of nursery duties I expected....

I also provided a huge list of the things DD ate - not that she has made any attempt to ever cook them....

A big part of the problem I think (esp for someone who is in your home, looking after your LO) is I just suspect she is taking the proverbial!! Which ain't a great basis for a nannying relationship....

OP posts:
nbee84 · 08/01/2010 21:04

I may be available in September when the youngest starts school

My mb will fight to the death to keep me until then though

Original poster
WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 20:57

Thanks nbee - do you want a job?

I know I can do an awful lot myself when DD is at preschool or even when she is not, because lets face it, one 3yr old is no big deal - but I am usually aiming for jobs I would never expect a nanny to tackle - like cleaning out the fridge

OP posts:
nbee84 · 08/01/2010 20:49

Agree with blondes that it should have been laid out at the interview so that Nanny was clear with her duties.

But even so.... I would expect a nanny with 20 years experience to have a bit more initiative and to know what 'nanny duties' entailed. Until I got to the 20 years experience bit I thought you were talking about an 18-21 year old in their first nanny job.

FWIW I do 31½ hours over 3 days for 2 children with the youngest at pre school for 2½ hours a day. I change their beds weekly and wash their sheets and clothes and iron them. I hoover and polish/tidy their bedrooms weekly. I try and keep their toys/art stuff in some sort of order. I tidy/sort all the garden toys out. Organise their book shelves. I cook all food from fresh (including soups ). I've even been known to clean out the fridge/sort the utility room/tidy the garage if I have some spare time after all the above - though sometimes a cup of tea and my book wins I must admit that I rarely clean shoes

Even when the children are at home in the school holidays I still get most of the above done.

I suggest you have a chat and run over with her what you feel 'nanny duties' should include. One of the benefits of having a nanny is so that these jobs are done and you get more time with your children when you are not working.

Original poster
WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 20:46

I hope I didn't give the wrong impression in that i expect her to tidy up after us... we left DD's bike out by mistake - it is most unuusal for us - but the nights had drawn in, and once it was forgotten, it meant I couldn't actually see it (as it is dark when I leave and return). When I noticed it on my first day off, 4 days later - I was just stunned, that she must have stood at the window making tea for 3 days and never thought to go get it!

I would generally make an effort to make sure the kitchen was tidy, dishwasher empty etc, food in the house and so on - just because I take the view that she's coming to work, and it would be disrepectful to get anyone to wade through any domestic squalor!

I find the idea of making a list a bit depressing. I would actually feel quite embarrassed specifically asking her to take my Daug's stale milk downstairs and wash it up - isn't it obvious that this is the right thing to do (bearing in mind DD is 3, not 13!)

Similary, asking her to wipe down my D's toddler table every so often - or tidy up my D's dvds or books.... should she really need to be specifically asked to do this sort of stuff?

Thanks for the reply - it is really helpful. This is only my second nanny, and I do wonder if my expectations are unrealistic. I am a very keen cook, and like to cook from scratch - so can perhaps see that expecting nanny to make homemade pizza dough is unfair - but I had expected her to find herself useful things to do while DD is at nursery (rather than just surfing the net!)

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 08/01/2010 20:33

did you not discuss what nursery duties the nanny would do/what food you like being cooked etc at the interview

suprised a nanny with 20yrs exp doesnt do things like chnage bed sheets/polish shoes/remove cup of milk

but

agree agree with drinkyour milk, i dont pick up after parents and i leave toys out in the garden (if garden toys) and if they were indoor toys then you should have brought them in as you left them there

drinkyourmilk · 08/01/2010 20:20

sorry - that should read
''want to know if i wasn;t living up to expectations''

drinkyourmilk · 08/01/2010 20:19

I wonder if it's worth giving her a daily/weekly 'to do' list? I would certainly want to if I wasn't living up to expectations, and I would want to correct that. So long as it's done nicely I can't see how she'll mind.

re you leaving the toys on the lawn and she didn't tidy them up - I wouldn't either unless I had been specifically asked and it wasn't a regular thing - I don't see tidying up after the parents as my duty, Sorry.

Original poster
WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 20:12

Sorry - that should say - preschool for 2 1/2 hour a day - not a week!

OP posts: