Delicate regarding potential nanny

glad you are ignoring the gossip(tho true, my heart goes out to her for what her family member did ) and employing her

but if i were this nanny, and this INFO about her is such common knowledge i personally would want to know - plus the fact if i were this nanny i would prob go and slap the lady who told you

It is a really hard step to trust someone with your child who you carried and gave birth to and have been raising. It is a very difficult decision you are making because in an interview interviewees sell themselves to get the job and are unlikely to state small worries and personal details.
I think the aggressive attitude towards Livvy on this thread is unnecessary and horrible.
Livvy I agree with the general tone of the messages, she is no more likely than any other individual to be an abuser. I think it would be upsetting for her if you start telling her how her personal information is 'common knowledge' and so you'd have to think about how you were going to do that, but maybe she does have a right to know that you've been 'informed' but you are ignoring the gossip.

Poor girl. Does she know it is 'common knowledge' and that you have had reactions from 'some people I have spoken to'.

Hopefully I have mis-interpreted and it is not such a cause for gossip as your posts would suggest.

I'm with Laquitar. You are not only asking a redundant question if, as you've said, these 'facts' are not important to you, but you are also further spreading these rumours. There are plenty of people that post on MN who know each other in rl and she may not want all and sundry to know?

Please go by the crb check, and with your gut instinct. If you felt she was right for the job when you offered it to her then that's the right decision.

livvy1 - I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this position. It is a difficult one and tbh (to be honest) I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I think I would want to discuss it with her, but I am not sure that if 'legally' that would be a good idea. I don't think it would be fair not to employ her because of these rumours, but at the same time IMO (in my opinion) ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable about leaving your child with someone is a good enough reason not to employ them - no matter what it is (hope you understand what I mean).

Also, if I was in your position & finding a nanny so far in advance, I would have a back up plan, just in case she gets a better offer in the meantime. April is still a good while away.

My understanding of the OP's reason for posting was that her initial reaction was to ignore this piece of information, but that other people were encouraging her not to ignore it, making her doubt her own judgement and turn to the MN jury for advice.

Not an expert in this by any means, but FWIW I would like to think I would ignore this information and employ the nanny (assuming she was suitable and passed CRB checks etc, obviously).

Laquitar

hear hear

I completely agree.

It's full of threads/comments stating things like 'no i completely agree/understand/whatever', when it's anything but.

Nannies are supposed to be superhuman,you know...

OP,
sorry but why have you started this thread? You said this is not YOUR opinion and you have no doubts. In this case what the purpose of the thread?

Either you are having doubts and you are serving us a passive agressive OP (and i hate it when people do this) or you are having fun upsetting people (because surely you know the thread will upset some people).

This section has turned into Jerry Springer, nannies with scissors, abused nannies, and plenty morons giving pseudo-diagnosis.

I honestly feel if the OP didn't have any problem with this, she wouldn't have posted, she would have trusted her own thoughts.

I agree that she should tell the nanny that someone is saying this but also make it clear that isn't why she hasn't been offered the job, whether it is true or not tbh.

i dont think the op has doubts about this girl but i do think you should tell her what her so called friend is saying about her

I think you should NOTY employ this nanny at all.

You have doubts about her, it is obviously a problem for you and sadly the people who think abused children = abusers are not alone.

And I think you shouldn't employ her for HER sake, not yours.

I would say that you don't really know the full circumstances of the situation that occurred (if anything even did occur) as currently you are going on hear-say from friends/former employers etc. If you had access to court records, then that may be different but I doubt you have that level of detail to go on.

I also would doubt that an employment tribunal would consider it reasonable grounds for not employing someone... I don't know for sure, wonder if there have been any cases? So I would suggest that you conduct interviews, background research as you would normally... without raising this topic of discussion with any referees.

While I do agree that there is some level of increased risk of the person abusing a child if they were abused as a child (as statistics so far that I've seen do seem to imply that connection), anyone can abuse a child, so you should be a bit suspicious of anyone. Also if someone has been abused they may never abuse themselves, no assumption should be made that they will.

livvy1 - sounds like you are wanting to ignore as best you can the information you have been told, which I feel is the right thing to do. Everyone is a potential abuser, so follow up references, work history, as you would for any other applicant and discuss with them at interview(s) about how they deal with situations that may crop up whilst caring for your child/children.

Should all women who have been abused get sterilised? I mean, they couldn't possibly go on to be good parents could they?

Sheesh, I hope this a joke? How do you feel your potential nannies potential past sexual abuse may impact on her ability to perform her job as a nanny?

Will it make her sick, late, unreliable, less caring, abusive or mean?

I would be totally livid if anyone was discussing me in this manner with a potential employer - I'm sure there must be laws to protect people from this sort of thing?

"It has been suggested by a friend that she should have disclosed it."

I am at this. Why on earth should she disclose this? This is personal, private and sensitive information, being gossiped about in an ill-informed manner. IMHO she would be best advised to find another employer.

you would disciminate due to this?

I am shocked that this would at anytime appear on a cv, shocked that tittle tattle would effect employment

You have applied for a CRB check - use that and the interview process to give a job

Poor girl. Its absolutely none of your business. You could go and look for a different nanny and they could have been abused as a child as well for all you know...are you going to ask them?

"I wouldnt discount her because she has been abused. This would be very wrong. That whole cycle of abuse thing has trickled down into pop psychology and is misrepresented IMO."

Exactly, chegirl. Statistics are open to misinterpretation.

If you take a statement:

"Forty percent of sexual abusers were sexually abused as children"

This does not equate to 40 percent of the sexually abused becoming abusers. The quoted statement, by itself, gives us no information about that. Another example would be to consider an invented statistic that 40% of heroin users started out drinking alcohol. That doesn't mean that 40% of alcohol users will eventually turn into heroin users.

I wouldnt discount her because she has been abused. This would be very wrong. That whole cycle of abuse thing has trickled down into pop psychology and is misrepresented IMO.

Its one of those 'facts' that everyone seems to know. Like 'blind people's hearing is better than sighted people'

There are so many other factors that determine if a surviviour of abuse will become an abuser.

When it happened, what happened after it occoured, how much support the child had, who did it, if the child in question was then placed in care, if the child was believed etc etc etc.

I do not think she should have disclosed. Its no ones business but hers.

Much of the research regarding the 'cycle of abuse' focuses, I believe, on the (high)percentage of abusers who have been abused themselves as children- rather than the percentage of abused children who go on to be abusers; this would be an almost impossible task to research.

I will see if I can find a link.

I would employ her, if I thought she was suitable for the job. I see now reason why she should disclose it to you. Indeed, I would find it odd if she did.

I also state that the majority will be loving, caring people and this is my personal belief - my post was not meant to offend anyone or start a debate - so apologies if this is what has happened.

Hando - yes, you are right that anyone can become an abuser, but there have been studies to determine whether it is more likely for an adult that has suffered abuse as a child.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/134182.stm

abcnews.go.com/Primetime/parents-struggle-break-cycle-abuse/story?id=8549642

so your friend/person who told you thinks this girl isnt suitable[shock[

poor girl, lets hope not everyone is that narrow minded