Depressed nanny

Pay her off up to the end of her period of notice, and get her out now. All sympathy to her, but your children come first. Sorry to be brutal/not very pc.

Forgot to say, from your description of what happened Katy, it doesn't sound like she's a frequent self harmer

If her concentration is suffering then the pills should help. But obviously you need to feel your kids are safe. Take care of yourself.

Besides someone who is so depressed she cuts her wrists whether for attention or a genuine intent to end her life can not possibly be paying as much attention to the child's welfare as she should be.

I think that was a rather dangerously sweeping statement. There are probably millions of people (men and women) who have engaged in this behaviour and cared for children at the same time.
Admittedly I am not 100% whether I would want to be paying them to look after my children if I was a mother, but I think its a little off to suggest that just because someone is depressed enough to cut themselves they are unable to show love or compassion to children in their care - the two are just so worlds apart.

Hating yourself does not mean you have no time for those around you or that you would even think of endangering the lives of the children in your care.

Athene - how often do you think your nanny has shown her love of cats, and how often do you think the OP's nanny has cut her wrists in front of the children? Slight difference between 'modelling behaviour' and an act of crisis which may or may not have been witnessed by the children.

As for my fitness to engage in a battle of wits

Of course. I would do whatever I could to help my nanny, except where it put my children at potential risk.

And children often see and copy things we don't mean for them to see and copy. Like when when my toddler said "Fuck!" and DH looked at me with an evil eye and I knew I was guilty. Oops. Didn't really mean to teach her that... but obviously I did.

Besides someone who is so depressed she cuts her wrists whenther for attention or a genuine intent to end her life can not possibly be paying as much attention to the child's wefare as she should be.

This poor nanny obviously needs help. It is sad. But, God forbid, what if something happened to the children not because she harmed them intentionally but because she took her eye off the ball and the sufferred as a consequence.

*your = young
d'oh

I can sort of see where you are coming from Athene HOWEVER I am pretty sure that the nanny would not be parading her scars nor encouraging any child under her care to copy her actions by flaunting what she has done - most people who have taken the wrist cutting route would take steps to cover it when at work especially with your children

Incidentally I am no fan of cats and spend several years modeling DD into a dog lover before nanny came along and undid it all.

My nanny likes cats. DD is now obsessed with them and DS wants to marry the kitten.

If you really think that it is daft to point out that the children might model their own behaviour after nanny's then I think you are not fit to engage in a battle of wits.

what was it?? attempted suicide or self harm?

I think the chances of the DC slitting their wrists to be like Nanny are fairly remote.

But I would not want this girl looking after my kids unless her depression was well under control and I think that will take a lot longer than a couple of weeks' leave.

Athene doubt their first choice would be to copy one event. How daft.

No way no how is a suicidal nanny fit to look after my children. She probably won't hurt them but what happens when you DC wants to slit his/her wrists to be like nanny???

I would write the doctor for a report. I would do this partly to see the report but also so that the doctor knows if he/she signs her back to work it is to look after small children and he/she might think twice about that.

Duty of care to the nanny? Are you kidding me? Surely OP's duty of care is to her children first and foremost. I try to treat my nanny well, but not at the expense of my children. Jeez... who in their right mind would even consider putting their children at risk?

REquest that doctor note and bend over backwards to make sure the octor knows the full situation (attempted suicide, small children). Who knows, maybe she hasn't told the doctor the full story?

life obviously, not lifer

Some of what you have said could have described my lifer. I was a fantastic nanny and my upbringing never inpacted on my work with the children. Having my own children did that.

Obviously I can't speak for your nanny, but for me anti-d's helped dramatically, and right now I'm no risk to anyone at all.

Also in the majority of cases with self harm they are hugely unlikely to harm another person, and almost as unlikely to commit/attempt suicide (self harm and suicide aren't usually the same thing). But obviously it's understandable that you don't want your kids to be looked after by someone who is in such a state at the moment.

Really hope things sort themselves out, for you and her. It's such a difficult situation to be in, and it sounds like you are handling it in the best way possible.

Yes it's unsympathetic, and it's the last thing this poor girl needs right now. But the fact is, the trust is gone. And your children's safety needs to come first - for you. Personally I would serve the notice and offer to let her take her holidays before the notice starts too to give her a bit of extra time.

I'm afraid unsympathetic as this will sound, I would not want this girl looking after my child.

If she has just tried to kill herself then she needs serious help and I would be very concerned about her ability to cope with taking care of children all day.

Can she take a couple of weeks as holiday or has she used up all her allowance? That would give her a bit of time to get her ad dose right.