Depressed nanny

Agree with every word Maria:

"And, the way I see it, this is not about the child potentially 'modelling' the scissor self harming, that wouldn't be so much my concern. What I would be concerned about is the general underlying atmosphere of a severely depressed & suicidal person being so close to my child.
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Trust me, if a child were to see somebody slash their wrists it would scare the living bejesus out of them but they wouldn't be trying it themselves.

Depression is scary for the person affected by it and by those that become affected by it.

A family i was working with last year employed a nanny, it was purely by accident her medication was seen (bedroom door open, meds on bedside table,child accessable (18mo).

When she needed to see the Dr for a rash, he was struck speechless on hearing she was on this medication, at the high dose she was on and in sole care of a hyper little boy, he made it very clear to the childs mother (foreign country so mother there to interpret at nanny's request) that in no way should she be in charge of a child.

As it was when told of this she decided to return home, but is scared the mother badly.

Had the mother known about the depression (which she later found out had been very severe - requiring extensive in patient treatment) she would not have offered the job.

It became a question she asked and yes, some may feel that is intrusive etc but she had to weigh up everything to ensure she made the right choice of nanny for her child.

Fab I completely agree that many mothers with depression are perfectly capable of looking after their children. But this girl's depression is not controlled, and she should not be in sole charge of children. Looking after kids is emotionally draining at the best of times!

I am very, very concerned about the gouging of your daughter's arm incident. I don't see how this could happen by accident, I'm afraid. Sorry for brutal honesty.

This girl should not be left with your children.

I don't want to get into a discussion with you Maria. I have said all I want to say.

How on earth did she manage to gouge lumps out of your DD's arm, even with long nails and inappropriate grip and pressure, it would be hard to cause much harm through clothing!

Her depression isn't going to magically become under control in a few weeks, the new pills need to build up to a theraputic level and that can take time.

And as someone mentioned her demeanor, that of being down/unobservant/possible disinterested isn't something you want around young children.

I'm sorry, but what exactly do you think it proves when you say 'I do know what I am talking about'?! What's the point that you think you've just made by saying that? And if other people choose to not want to disclose personal details about their work experience of depression / personal experience of depression then that's their prerogative but it doesn't mean others 'don't know what they're talking about' because they choose not to be specific about how they substantiate their opinion.

With due respect, I am not being daft. I do know what I am talking about.

fab: I'm sorry but when mothers have difficulties (including depression) that's one thing, and can too be very difficult, leading to the need for more support & help for the mother etc (in some cases). But employing someone to look after your children who just tried to take their life with scissors?! I'm sorry, that's a completely different thing & you're the one who's being daft by not seeing this. It's not about the nanny not feeling great at the moment!!!! It's about her trying to use scissors to cut her wrists. Big difference.

you say she's lovely etc etc...but you don't really 'know' her do you?

12 weeks? and you feel you owe her something?
you need to put your family first here and think about this. she won't be her true self when you're around anyway,so you don't really know her at all,and you entrust your children to her? and are considering still doing this in light of what you already know about her mental health?

i hope we don't read further about this in any news headlines in the media...

Athene - some of what you have said is just plain daft imo.

OP - you must put your children first. People with mental illnesses can look after children perfectly well - 1000s of mothers do it every day - but if you already had concerns about her ability to supervise you should be dealing with that as well as the nanny not feeling great at the moment.

Not sure there are any legal niceties, to be honest. With employment under a year, it should be pretty straightforward.

After the arm chunks thing, I would dismiss her, end of. Child safety first, legal niceties second. I doubt she would get very far in a tribunal after the arm thing.

And, the way I see it, this is not about the child potentially 'modelling' the scissor self harming, that wouldn't be so much my concern. What I would be concerned about is the general underlying atmosphere of a severely depressed & suicidal person being so close to my child.

I agree with Athene wholeheartedly too. There is no way I would want someone who is in such a difficult state of mind to look after my child. Depression is one thing. Actively moving towards self harm- using scissors, quite a violent thing to use!- is another thing. Obviously this woman needs help, & it's very sad, but given the employment has been for less than a year this would be a no-brainer for me.

Incidentally, depression can be a label for all sorts of different problems. There is mild depression, there is much more intense depression. And then there is self harm & potential suicidal actions. I think this woman's depression is not mild & under control, not at the moment, and no amount of pills will quickly resolve the problem, I'm sorry. These processes take time & they're not just a matter of taking pills! I wouldn't want all that going on around my child. However much the woman would want to separate her feelings from her work, it's not at all easy to do, not when the work is so emotionally charged as work with children can be from time to time. It's different surely from working in an office. Sorry to be blunt but that's how I would feel about it.

There is a first time for everything.

I completely agree with Athene here - obviously you have to operate within the law, but the children's welfare must be any right thinking mother's priority here.

try and get a doctors report and go from there

it is tough, but you do have to do what is best for your safety of your children

chances are that she will be ok/children safe, but do you want to take that chance ......

Surely if you google the symptoms of depression you will come to the conclusion that she is not fit to have unsupervised care of a baby.

She is not well. She is not fit for work. The only way you can know for sure if something will happen to your children is when it has. I personally would not want to find out.

You obviously have to operate within the limits of the law. But, of course, as a mother who loves her children, you will put them first.

OK, the thing about her nails taking chunks out of your DD's arm sounds very strange to me. Even if her nails are a wildly inappropriate length that would be pretty hard to do.

Athene - I wouldn't want to engage with a battle of wits with you either, as it appears you are only half-armed.

After your last post I would say you have to let her go, really awful situation to be in buy your children come first surely?

That is difficult Katy, wish I had an easy answer for you.

Fair point Katy; get yourself some good legal advice but in tandem I would start looking for someone else.

Agree with Wellies; it's harsh but I would not leave my kids in this position. I would serve her notice, pay it in full and perhaps with a little extra and ask her to finish up.