Depressed nanny

I was depressed whilst nannying. I self-harmed but never attempted suicide. I wasn't on ADs at the time, and as far as I know, the parents never knew. I gave my job 100% and only struggled out of work. I think you need to be very careful as to the reasons behind her doing this ie a suicide attempt (first? or has she attempted it before) or self-harm (and if it is, how long has she been doing it).

Katy

How did this turn out for you? I am in a very similar position now and not sure what to do? Would appreciate any advice.

One of the questions on my questionnaire (which they complete before I interview them) is how many times have you been sick in the last year and what was the illness?

If I were you I would do the nursery thing for a few months to give yourself time to reflect on the way forward. Definitely the easiest exit route and the one I would take.

We had a nanny with serious health issues of the sort that would affect her fitness to look after children, and I had loads of time off work too. (Our first nanny had some too, come to think of it.) Since then, as part of any interview, I have tended to ask people: "Do you have any health issues we would need to accommodate if you came to work for us?" which I have been advised is okay? Obviously you have to be careful, but my great great concern based on our previous experience is that I could end up hiring someone who has a problem which, it could be construed, our job made worse.

You not only can ask for the consultant's notes but you may be required to before you let her come back to work for certain conditions - not sure if this would include depression. I guess this falls under the 'duty of care' you have as her employer.

Someone from your HR department may be able to advise you on this.

If you decide to send your children back to nursery then the nann yposition no longer exists and you can make her redundant. In fact, I think this would give you a very amicable way to end things. You could tell the nanny that that this has all cost you much more than you bargained and for. And while you love her you simply can manage as an employer, and are returning to the nursery.

This is all very sad. Poor nanny. ANd poor you. Having a nanny should have made your life easier but it appears to have crumbled in your lap making thisng far more stressful.

Good luck to both of you.

I think you are doing the right thing for your girls. But, it still won't be any fun to tell nanny what you have decided.

((((hugs))))

I believe you can just say that the position is no longer required and give the usual months notice. She hasn't been with you a year, so you aren't obliged to give her a redundancy package either.

ps. If I'm wrong about this then there's a company that owes me a damn good explanation

"I have no idea if that is considered a genuine reason for making someone redundant"

That shouldn't be a problem as you will technically be making the position redundant, rather than her.

I have been in exactly this situation - it's a nightmare. Nanny who had worked for us for 2.5 years, very much a part of the family, depressed, several attempts at self harm, no family in the uk so we were only support, told her psychiatrist that she would kill herself if she didnt have this job. She was hospitalised for a short time. We were very much involved by her care team as she had no one else.

I felt unable to take the risk of her killing herself if we let her go - plus legally wasn't sure if we could. Luckily I was working from home at the time so able to see how she was with the kids and only let them out of my sight for short periods. It was a horrible anxious time.

She has stabilised and my children adore her, she is and always was professional and competent. But it is still always "there".

You have my utmost sympathies and to be honest if I could have ended her employment I would have but I just couldnt cope with what I might have to live with if we rejected her and she had killed herself.

With the benefit of time passing and certainly if I had been out of the house during the day I think I might have acted differently.

Good luck

UK Gov site re Depression / DDAct

poor you and poor, poor her.I can only say that If I was you I would try to be a good friend to her but get another nanny. I couldnt leave her in charge of my children in your place, too much fo a risk..

good luck to you

AN - I am good thanks. Working hard! Studying too. Working on Guernsey for 6 months for an old employer.

Hope you are all well and thea Father Christmas is very generous this year!

xx

It had me wondering something too!

It's only just come back to me.

If you have depression, which is, when all is said and done, a mental health problem, do you have to disclose it at interview?

Katy mentions The Disability Discrimination Act I'm not sure if this is just a lawful act in Scotland or in Britain too but if you didn't know when you hired someone, would it still stand?

Again, Katy, I really don't know what to suggest, it's a horrible situation to be in, I would spend my entire time out of the house worrying about my children and calling home to check all is well for the forseeable future and so not getting much work done, which would then jepodise my job. But I also feel for the poor nanny, I realise that depression is an illness, she doesn't want it! But your children come first at the end of the day.

Hello Callaird. How are you?????

Calling people daft is usually a good sign that you have run out of intelligent arguments.

This thread has me wondering something. Does the OFSTED registration take a nanny'e medical condition into account when they license him/her?

Lou031205-unfortunately self harmers don't usually just do it once. I had a friend at school who slashed her face with a razor blade everyday for almost 3 months, her parents were in dispare, no matter what they did, she managed to find something to do this damage. She was delivered to a teacher in the morning and to her parents after school, she was monitored constantly, she still found oppertunity to do it!

And it is not just children copying, what happens if a nanny is in charge of children from 7am - 7pm and a 10am decides she can't go on and does something stupid and kills herself? Young children with a dead person in the house? Or she gases herself?

I (again) agree with AN, I wouldn't want to leave a depressed (unstable, not someone who is getting treatment!) person with children.

Katy- unfortunately you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. She is perfectly capable when she is well and treatment is going well, but not capable when it isn't. I think it is a shame for a girl to have to go through this but I also think I couldn't have someone who might lapse looking after my children. So so sorry! No advice at all, just sympathy.

My first childminder had severe post natal depression that she had not notified me of prior to her employment.

It was not possible to retain her as she was completely unable to be in sole charge of a child for various reasons.

Although its not nice to have to give the girl notice, I would suggest it would make things worse for her if she is trying to recover with the added pressure of trying to get back to work for you.
Although she may not want to be given notice, I think that once it is done she would at least be able to cope with that and deal with it financially.

I appreciate I am rambling, I just don't think you are doing anyone any favours by keeping the girl on. She is ill, she needs to recover, depression is not an illness that will improve dramatically enough over "a couple of weeks" for her to be well enough to look after children on her own in my opinion.

"It's not under control if you are actively self-harming."

I wasn't talking about the OP's nanny, and have never said her depression is under control.

"Kaloki, that was the thing, it wasn't under control, but none of us have suffered from depression and just thought her oddities were just that, but they weren't."

Ah ok, it didn't come across in your original post so I apologise.

I'm a little sensitve about depression and jobs, after one ex-manager tried to sack me for having depression.

It's not under control if you are actively self-harming. It's bloody out of control, just as if you were puking your guts up in the toilet after every meal or swigging a mouthful of vodka whenever it got a bit too much. Seriously guys. This is someone who is very unwell.

Psychiatric illness to this degree and the professional care of very young children are completely incompatible and the nanny needs to be removed from the situation and told to get help immediately.

Kaloki, that was the thing, it wasn't under control, but none of us have suffered from depression and just thought her oddities were just that, but they weren't.

AGree controlled depression not necessarily an issue, but if the nanny had a history of "extensive in-patient treatment", then rightly or wrongly I would be very hesitant to hire her to look after my child.

Like I've said before, the nanny this post is about obviously is in no fit state to work, and needs time out to look after herself. But I take issue with
"Had the mother known about the depression (which she later found out had been very severe - requiring extensive in patient treatment) she would not have offered the job."

If she was on medication and had shown no signs of depression then it was obviously under control (going by what you said, the depression was not known about prior to the pills being seen), a past history of depression doesn't mean that someone is still at risk. And actually being on pills IMO is more responsible than coming off them.

A history of depression does not mean someone cannot hold a job with responsibility, if it is under control, it is under control.