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Original poster

Boff needs chocolate. Nanny has just resigned.

185 replies

SnowyBoff · 03/12/2009 21:38

So folks, there we were being nice, supportive employers to someone who frankly with hindsight has a major attitude problem, and she's just resigned on us and leaves in a fortnight. I am sure Christmas is a brilliant time to look for a new one (not).

This nanny thing is so angst-ridden it's untrue. It also means we may have sacrificed another agency fee for a mere 10 weeks' work as well. And the kids will be really upset and go all funny on us for a bit because they will be so confused about everything.

I am not a happy Boff.

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LovelyNanny · 08/12/2009 13:47

I have namechanged for this.

I really hope you won't take this the wrong way - it's just a little tiny hint about recruiting a nanny. I took a look at your ad on netmums and, while it is a very clear outline of your requirements, you do sound just a little bit demanding. It's absolutely fine to have high standards as an employer, but you can then reasonably expect your future ideal nanny to have high standards herself! Apart from the salary, what other reasons could you give to make your family sound like attractive, considerate employers? What would her room be like, were she to live in? Can you describe your family in a couple of adjectives?

moseskoeln · 08/12/2009 13:30

Hi just seen this thread, if your interested I shall be looking for work from mid jan.
you can msg me [email protected]

those things you mention sound so simple to do yet still manage to get wrong!
please dont let me leave my goldfish with her!

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 08/12/2009 11:16

I know you are right. But DH is nervous about doing this. I don't know why. It's her bloody fault, all this. Why am I suddenly the ogre?????

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frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 07/12/2009 22:40

What business is it of her dad's?!

That would be harassment, no?

I honestly cannot see my parents and my employers ever having any sort of conversation. I don't know why they would.

She initially said her dad would pay for it, you then suggested you might be prepared to pay for the damage to her car but you've taken legal advice and it's percetly okay to deduct from her final pay packet so that's what you'll be doing.

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 22:33

What if her dad starts telling us off over the phone in the evenings? I do not need the grief tbh.

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Simplyme · 07/12/2009 22:01

Sorry to hear about this Boff. I think you are well overdue to have a good nanny come your way!

Re the car def deduct the costs from her. You should not be held accountable to the costs as she has already caused enough troubles and agency fees etc.

It is time long overdue she had a harsh lesson in life and actually although it's not your responsibility I think you would be doing any future families she might work for (heaven forbid) a favour in making her realise there are consequences for her actions.

Although Daddy may bail her out on that too I think he may be forced to give her a good telling off after all those car repair ££££££ and wasted tuition at the school that must not be named!

(On an aside does anyone else think Harry Potter as in Voldemort - he who must not be named and the school that must not be named? Parallels there?)

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 21:29

I actually said I would pay half the first time and the second time I would remove car use altogether.

But on her contract I put nothing, just a clause stating I can make any deductions that are reasonable.

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 21:20

She is not always 100% straightforward, admittedly. The College Who Must Not Be Named and I caught her out giving two different accounts of why she went AWOL last week for two hours. We have each had both accounts! So basically I reckon she's not very clever.

Our temp was a lovely nanny, very hardworking and thorough. She would have come back to rescue us, I think, except she teaches skiing in the winter.

A lot of you are saying to make her pay for the car repair, but I had relented out of self-interest ... I am rethinking now.

Ad has also gone in the Lady and will come out on 15th.

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FabIsVeryHappy · 07/12/2009 20:43

And it appears she has lied and is trying to trick you by saying you said you would pay the first time she crashed the car.

Northernlurker · 07/12/2009 20:22

Take that car repair out of her salary! She needs to know that her mistakes have consequences. I honestly don't think she cares about your problems - give her a problem of her own and she might start to click what it's like to have the rug pulled from underneath you when you thought it would be ok...

FabIsVeryHappy · 07/12/2009 20:15

Me? I am in Kent.

nbee84 · 07/12/2009 20:05

You must be due a fantastic nanny this time if you go by the law of averages.

I'm not in the job market at the mo, or even in your area, but it makes me want to come and work for you just to prove that their are good nannies out there that work to their employers wishes, show initiaitive and don't take the piss.

Good luck and fingers crossed for you

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/12/2009 18:29

i do try

real ones are better - mb'b brownies are fab!!!!

hope you get some interest from your ad

frakkinaroundthechristmastree · 07/12/2009 16:49

Huge, huge hugs. So very unMN but you need them.

Make her pay for the repairs on the car. It might give her a wake-up call and she'll buck up her ideas a bit.

She sounds a right little madam and incredibly lucky that you didn't fire her on the spot.

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 16:14

Have advertised on Gumtree and Netmums, everyone.

Blondes is keeping me hopeful and feeding me virtual brownie by stuffing it through her lappie!

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Blondeshavemorefun · 07/12/2009 13:53

mp - new nanny sounds a saint

boffy - think fab is near me, if remember correctly

not sure how a nanny someone can hit a parked car. ie non moving object

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 13:37

NannyBeth, have just emailed you as well.

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Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 13:31

Blondes, rolling the car is different IMO. One was a bad accident with another driver involved, but this one was a careless parking ding when she was on her own in the car and just not being careful, no other driver involved.

Email working again now so Tavvy, have contacted you. Fab, are you local to me?

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Tavvy · 07/12/2009 13:16

[email protected] if you are interested in discussing further.
In my experience I tend to find parents who have had drivers in the past find it hard to adapt to an non- driver but am more than happy to send my CV if you fancy a nosy at what I'm like. I have good refs you can check.

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 12:09

Tavvy, you don't have to drive for this job, you could get the bus up to DS2's school, but it's a slight faff (probably not too bad once you get into a routine though). Also walking is a possibility, supernanny temp did that on Friday afternoons in the nice weather, but it is two miles each way, so tiring for DS2 if it's too often (and probably the nanny!). Cycling would be an option from April onwards on a little tandem with a baby trailer, if you are a confident cyclist (that sort of setup is very Cambridge).

If you did a PassPlus and a skid pan course I would consider letting you drive them around a bit locally, building up your confidence. As we have seen, three years' experience is not necessarily a guarantee of driving skill.

Thanks for support everyone, it is really helping. I note nobody has advised me against bashing her with a sofa cushion. OMP, yours sounds lovely and hopefully there are more like her out there ... this is how I used to do things when babysitting as a student. It is an attitude of mind, seeing the bigger picture, and few people seem to have it these days (probably why I used to get so many repeat bookings!)

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theoriginalmummypoppins · 07/12/2009 11:26

snowyboff................Big Hugs and a glass of something strong coming your way.

Dont know what to say really to help except get rid and put it down to experience. We had an au pair once who did £500 worth of damage to our car and wrote off my parents in law 's car all on our front drive. Cost us £2k overall.

Its horrible when your childcare isnt right. I feel knackered after a year of lots of ups and downs in that direction so know how you feel.

Have now got the most superb nanny/housekeeper who I could not fault in anyway. The difference it makes to your life is just amazing.

Let me give you an example. This time last year we had some uber expensive curtains fitted in our lounge. When they were hung one of the padded buttons came loose and the material cover came off leaving just the metal button. The curtain man said he would come back and redo it but he didnt and to be honest although it has annoyed me everyday since I have been too busy to call him and sort it.

Friday night sitting on the sofa I noticed it had been done. I just assumed he had called by one day last week and caught my nanny or cleaner in and they hadnt mentioned it.

When I mentioned it to my nanny this am I discovered she had done it for me as she had found the piece of material in the sewing box when she was darning some socks !!!

How fab is that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/12/2009 11:20

and ((HUGS))

not again - i know i managed to roll my works car a few years ago but for this young nanny to have yet another accident/scrape is unbelievebale!!

as you have in your contract that nanny is laible to pay, i would take it out of her final salary - where in my contract it says employers will be any excess

bet her dad is fed up, i know mine would be if he had to pay out for an accident - lets hope she has to pay him back, or she will never learn

she is unlikely to get another nannying job, with no refernce from you, agencey or place we dont name

AtheneNoctua · 07/12/2009 10:19

Oh jeez Boff. I would be very angry. And, I would dock her pay. Unbelievable.

If I were in your shoes I would be looking for someone with a dedicated work ethic and not so worried about NNEB/NVQ qualifications.
And obviously someone with some childcare esperience and live-in references.

Some of the newer arrivals to the EU have a reputation for this sort of work ethic. Although this is of course a massive generalisation. I would look for someone who has a lot of activities on her CV. SOmeone who clearly keeps herself busy and demonstrates a level of commitment to the things he/she does. So someone who has no hobbies would be off my list.

greybird · 07/12/2009 10:13

I'm so sorry... even more than before. I know exactly what you mean by "being taken advantage of", I've been through it and my god, does it feel bitter. Causing that much damage by parking is just incredible.

Original poster
SnowyBoff · 07/12/2009 10:04

Shaking here, hiding in my study. Very upset.

Nanny crashed the (lovely shiny, well kept, bought specially for her) nanny car whilst rushing a parking manoeuvre and did £350 worth of damage to a stranger's car and £400 worth of damage to our car. Costs of repair is roughly equivalent to excess (she is under 21 so it is high). Her first comment when it happened was that her parents would pay. I was very relieved as I am making practically nothing going to work at the moment, and in addition to this, recently my own car died and I had to organise a last minute replacement with an expensive HP agreement just so I could get to work reliably (I hardly ever buy cars and usually keep something going for 5+ years or until it's done 100k).

Now she is saying her father will pay for the other repair but not ours. Her reasoning is that when she arrived I said I would pay the first time she crashed but nothing thereafter. I did not actually say this - it was more complex and considered than that, and also at the time I did not think she would be flouncing off two and a half months later. In her contract it says she can be held liable for things like this, and the legal helpline said we could make a deduction from her final salary.

After discussion with DH we are (reluctantly)going to pay for the repair to avoid this dragging on and on, but I am left with a very bad taste in my mouth now. I said in my quiet scary work voice things like, "Well, if that's what you want to do" and "You have stampeded through our family's life" and "We will have paid £1100 to the agency and £400 in car repairs for someone who has only worked for us for 10 weeks, on top of your salary - we could have had a top nanny for that" and when she blamed her dad, said "You're still in teenage mode then". I then flounced off to the study before I raised my voice and really tore a strip off her.

It was probably not good to say these things but in my defence I am feeling extremely taken advantage of indeed now. Two weeks ago I was tucking her up in bed and nursing her through a cold like one of my own children (which she later told me had made her "deliriously ill" blaming the cold for her making lots of mistakes the next week, but in reality her top temp was around 99C, and indeed I had the same cold that week with a lightly higher temp and did half her job for her. Not that it was a fever competition, but you know what I mean).

This is really not easy and a very little part of me wants to bash her with a sofa cushion in the hope of knocking some sense into her. I think her parents should have done this years ago.

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