Boff needs chocolate. Nanny has just resigned.

BTW my housekeeper is good at the necessary espionage thing and managed to be discreet and informative at the same time. She refers to our nanny as 'the girl', never using her name. This tells us quite a lot of what we need to know.

I think the free gym thing really dates from the early to mid 1990s, when gyms were relatively expensive and had steep upfront membership fees, but the Harbour Club (and latterly Next Generation etc) had a family membership and you just paid an extra £10-£20 pcm for a nanny on top of your usual membership so she could take your DCs along to things and use the facilities while they were at judo class or whatever. It's not really usual around here to sign someone up for a gym as a standalone thing any more, and I am a bit curious as to why agencies keep listing it as a perk (along with mobile phones etc). It seems a bit random, really, and would incur a tax liability.

I think I did another 'Boff in the slough of childcare despond' thread at the time, but basically it was my EDD, but nonetheless I was meeting the Head of DS2's new school with DS2 to discuss him starting there in two weeks' time, and AP was supposed to wave DS1 off to school. That was all she had to do.

Except he nagged her to get to go to school with him on the tandem that DS2 usually used with her, and she gave in, and then he refused to wear a helmet, and she didn't want to be disliked so gave in again. She then cycled him to school on the wrong side of the road and a car pulled out, not expecting to see a bike going the opposite way to what the Highway Code would expect, and the car caught the wheel, which means they both came off and DS1 took the brunt of the fall on his arm. She then took him to school (yes, really!) and left him there. His arm started swelling up big time and school phoned me to ask me to come and get him and take him to A and E. I then went into early labour. AP then phoned me and bleated excuses down the phone telling me how terrible she felt and asking if she could come to the hospital with us as she felt so bad about it and did not want to sit alone at home. I told her how she felt was of no interest to me at all and all I cared about was getting my son to A and E and hoping he had not bumped his head badly. I then went to A and E and was roundly told off by the consultant who then realised I had had nothing to do with this, so she told DS1 off instead (quite rightly). He was bloody lucky it had only been his arm that was banged, and we all knew that. He was kept under observation for a bit but was OK and had got off lightly. My labour then stopped, luckily.

So it's been a bit of a bad year!

I may not deserve it, but I keep getting it.

Ironically nanny just took delivery of parcel of Xmas goodies sent by my best ever AP to the boys. I took pleasure in saying airily, "x was a lovely AP, she was with us ages, gosh is it really five years ago, she still comes and stays every year you know, she was such a good AP, lovely girl".

DH would say it's like talking about pevious boyfriends, but I reckon that rubbed in the fact we are very civilised and nice and she's chucking something valuable away.

Hoep she gets a job with a pop star next and then she'll really find out what hard work it.

Frannikin, I will believe that when I see it, the staying longer than five minutes thing, I mean. This year we've had:

AP - five months, until she ended up hospitalising DS1 on my due date and got the sack.
Nanny 1 - Never showed up.
Temp Nanny - three weeks, as we couldn't afford much more than that. She was great though.
Nanny 2 - 10 weeks.

Haven't told the kids yet. There will be tears and dismay (I have already caught DS1 muttering to DS2 in the kitchen one day, 'be really good otherwise this one will leave as well', and I must state for the record that my lads are extremely considerate and polite and are not chasing these nannies off).

I think some people forget these are families' lives they are rampaging through - it more than just a job for a faceless organisation.

Have put a very traditional one up on Gumtree as well. Reminds me of one of the references I got for a nanny from the Place We Don't Name Because They Are Blameless In All This:

" xxxx was a lovely nanny who made little meals for our grandson and took him for walks around our estate".

Well I reckon it wasn't a high rise in Peckham they were talking about, do you?

Not signing any nannies up for gyms as they only stay 5 minutes anyway ...

Is this better, everyone? The location is on Netmum and Gumtree.

Cheerful, energetic family with two housetrained boys (12y, 8y) and one chirpy, dimply baby (8 months) seeks lovely nanny to add to the mix. Must be good at Lego, art, Wii fit, feeding us homemade lasagne and baking cakes. Saxophone, cycling and swimming skills very welcome. Driver preferred - mean red boy transporting machine provided. Hours are just long enough to enjoy us, just short enough to let you recover for the next Guitar Hero challenge. You can live in if you like - there's a huge, light and bright double bedroom with TV and sitting area, and live in hours would be 7.30-7.30 Monday to Friday for £300 pwn. If you want to live out it's 50 hours a week Monday to Friday and £350 pwn. Mum says our nanny must be fully qualified (NNEB or NVQ DCE) and experienced, with paediatric first aid certificate and OFSTED registered, or near to being so, as she has lots of childcare vouchers sitting there ready to be used. January 2010 start, so if you're interested, send mum and dad your CV!

Have changed all my ads now to make them like this one.

I hadn't realised you were allowed to be funny in nanny ads!

Not getting many responses to ads though. Just from one or two disillusioned nursery workers who want out.

emotionally drained family
bankrupted by agency fees family
family at end of tether

Cheerful, energetic family with two housetrained boys and one chirpy dimply baby seeks lovely nanny to add to the mix. Must be good at Lego, Wii fit, feeding us homemade lasagne and baking cakes. Saxophone, cycling and swimming skills very welcome. Driver preferred - mean red boy transporting machine provided. Hours are just long enough to enjoy us, just short enough to let you recover for the next Guitar Hero challenge.

Is that better?