OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

Hey, why not give all 150 employees the afternoon off and all go cheer him on - fun day for the staff and fantastic for the kid. I'm seeing matching scarves and waving rattles, how about a cheer leading type thing? Could be motivational and team building! Get to it, boss lady. Win win.

IMO you need a conversation with your son to find out if he is genuinely distressed about this, or if it was a throw away comment. It could be either, but if your nanny didn't flag it up then you wouldn't get the chance to approach him about it- personally I would just be happy that she brought it to my attention.

Could you spend some time working out a way to attend at least one of your son's rugby matches rather than worrying and posting on here about the fact that you don't like the way your nanny communicated his request. Couldn't you juggle your diary, delegate to one of your 150 employees...... From reading your posts I think you have a very 'can do approach' and could make this happen.

I never read the nanny diary at handover. The whole point of it is so nanny and I do a quick exchange. She clocks off. I put kids to bed, make my dinner and eat it. Sometimes I read the diary over dinner, sometimes I catch up on a weekly basis. I thought everyone did this. Perhaps not?

Now that we know nanny is being let go because she doesn't like her charge, I think we can reasonably speculate that DS knows this and is perhaps in turn a bit sulky to her, hence the monay comment about "why have parents"? I bet he'll perk up when a new nanny arrives.

My DS (age 4) had a friend last year (with previous nanny). nanny used to tell me friend was mean to DS. I know friends mum and just couldn't really get my head round the idea that she was raising the class bully. So, with next nanny I arranged a weekly swap when he comes hoe to ours one day a week and DS goes to his one day a week. They are friends and clearly like each other. Firend's mum has told me that her DS like our new nanny better than the last one. I have come to the conclusion that old nanny did not like this boy, this boy detected it, and it made for a lot of negativity in the air. So, what the nanny reports to her employer is not always the true picture. It turns out in our case there was another boy whose mother nanny was friends with and that mother and my nanny tried to establish those two as best friends, leaving my friend's DS out in the cold. Jeez, I do wonder who the grown up was sometimes.

If I were a temp nanny for a confident, high flying woman like yourself TOMP, I would do exactly the same thing.

She could have ignored the comment and failed to pass it on and you would have been none the wiser.

Yet she cared enough about the child to pass on the info even though she's temping and will soon be gone.

I know I haven't met you so can't really judge, but honestly you sound pretty posh, have staff working under you, kids at private school, quite an organised manner which can come across as slightly callous when applied to emotional issues ... It's scarey for an ordinary nanny to approach you. I'll fully admit I am intimidated by women like you.

Don't blame the messenger. Talk to the DS.

OP - just back from a client, eh? You've got a lot to say about your job, and are deflecting like mad onto your nanny. That bit about your DH not reading the diary - so why insist on it being kept? God you're both so busy.

What she wrote sounds like a factual account. You're blaming the messenger instead of listening to the message. How much better would it have been to have been said? Your DS still said it. How well can she have known your DS's tendency to dramatise in such a short time?

By the way, if he IS such a dramatist, why are you so upset?

And why are you revealing "damaging" statements about the nanny not liking your DS after so many comments which, ahem, appear not to be totally supporting you?

BTW - I have worked full-time since my DD was 7 months old, so I know about work/child conflicts.

Am at your nanny for just writing that and not discussing it with you but I do think she was right to write it down. Personally I'd have written it down, pointed it out and been available to discuss it - even something along the lines of "DS said something which concerned me earlier today, I've popped it in the diary, if you want to chat about it then do ring me/call me down". I also agree, particularly in light of the extra info, that the issue is with her handling of DS and her feelings rather than it being an acutal issue with DS. Children do say stuff like that - I certainly did to my parents, particularly my father - and emotional blackmail is learned pretty early on in life!

Of course you work, that's why you have a nanny! Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people need nannies in quickly and they need the nanny to do everything, including going to sports matches. My ex-employer wasn't able to go to her son's open classroom at school - that's life sometimes, she had to be somewhere else so I went instead. Of course he was upset about it but he also knows that both mummy and daddy worked, I was there for him and mummy and daddy still loved him.

Are you dealing with an agency starting with S btw? I noticed that job with one I'm registered with.

Good luck getting a new temp in!

I also write everything in the diary as I go along during the day, or else I'm so tired by the time I finish in the evening I never remember everthing when doing a verbal handover.

Just for clarity, there wasn't a suggestion that you phone in sick, simply that you could take one afternoon off a term (especially as you are the boss). It's nothing ot do with having a go at working mothers, it's to do with trying to keep everybody happy.

I don't have a book for my charges, but I write down anything like this as a back up in case I don't have time to bring it up with the parents and discuss it later. I think you should be more concerned that your child feels this way, not that the nanny brought it to your attention tbh.

Maybe she wrote it down so that she wouldn't forget exactly what was said. By writing it down she is presenting you with the opportunity to discuss it with her and/or your DS. She is not making a judgement in her comment just reporting the facts of what was said to her. I don't see anything unprofessional about the comment in itself.

When you broach the subject with her and find out what she did/didn't say to DS then you will be more in a position to make a judgement on her professionalism or lack of (wrt this particular issue).

It can be difficult as a temp - every family does things differently. Maybe she felt it was a difficult thing to raise face to face without seeming judgemental and felt writing it was less confrontational?

Either way, I don't see that what she did was so terrible - if she's only worked for you ten days then she doesn't know how you prefer to do things. Just let her know that in future you'd rather she raise issues like that face to face than in the diary.

Thank God she is a temp nanny.

mp you've had bad luck with nannies but I'm glad to see the last one has fecked off, and hopefully taken her dishwasher issues with her

I think the issue is less what ds said, and more what the nanny didn't say. In leaving a note you only have ds to ask about it. And how odd that she didn't tell your dh when she had the chance. I wonder if she didn't know how to bring it up. Does anyone else think it's an odd phrase for a child to come up with? It sounds like the sort of phrase that is overheard from adults, to me.

I think these things are forgivable in a new nanny, but with 28 years of nannying under her belt you'd think she'd have a farking clue.

Why didn't she watch him?

As a nanny, I don't think I would write something like that in a diary. I would have said something in person.

Children see things in black and White and sometimes have to be reminded that parents do have to work. I would have said to my charge "Well I'm here to watch you and Mummy and Daddy are coming to X,Y, Z at the weekend." I wouldn't make my employer feel guilty for working.

Moving on from all forms of outrage, how about if you and DH took one afternoon off each per term so that two matches got attended and the dc had something to look forward to/ were proud of having you there?

CORRECTION:
Do you think this nanny might have such an attitude...

Well then all we really know is that the ds said 'what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me'.

WIthout more information people will respond to that. And will assume the op would want to deal with that too.

Fair enough.

Do you think nanny has painted an accurate picture of the conversation she had with DS? SOme nannies (no all of course) don't really approve of working mothers. And tend to encourage such thoughts of disapproval in their charges. They comments like some of the one's clumsy mummy is making on this thread. Do you think this night might have such an attitude towards your working hours, and do you think DS might have picked up on them?

And was nanny at the rugby match??? Did DS make these comments with previous nanny? If not, perhaps he just does not like this particular nanny?

There are so many assumptions on this thread. The only facts we have are the statement in the diary. And, MPs additional posted information.

For eaxample: "I suspect she wrote it in the book because she was worried about how you might respond to her if she said it to your face" But, actually, I don't think there is any basis for that conclusion.

No one is turning on the op.

I still stand by the fact that what she did ie write something down rather than speak with you (or deal with your son's emotional well-being there and then) wasn't a huge thing which warrants such shock.

Ok so you can't make all the matches, that is neither here nor there. Your ds may be being dramatic about it but still, now you know.

No matter if a nanny has a job description, or is there to soothe your child, your child doesn't always fit in with it, ie letting or being happy with a nanny look after his emotional well-being.

Maybe it is precisely because she is a temp nanny that she is a little bit braver and more forward in reporting your DCs' feelings than a long-term nanny would be? My DSSs' very long term live-in nanny didn't dare say anything to DP's exW's face, but, once she had already left, needed a very long lunch with DP to let all her pent-up frustration and resentment out .

Did your DH not read the diary before he did the handover with the nanny?

Maybe she felt unable to discuss it with you. I'm not sure how she could have phrased it so it was less blunt - and any kind of preamble 'I'm sorry to have to tell you...' 'It was very distressing when...' 'I reassured DS when he said' etc seem to make it worse and more judgmental. What she has put is factual and she may well have felt it needed to be said and you'd want to know.

Having said that I know its distressing to read and if you don't want her to tell you things like that then tell her not to in future.

Your son may know why you're not there, but it doesn't stop it being hard for him (how old is he?). When I was at school I knew my parents couldn't come to sports days etc because of their work, but it didn't stop me looking round for them, with a small glimmer of hope that for some reason they'd have been able to make it. I wish someone had told my parents (however bluntly) to rearrange work or call in sick or whatever so they could be there!

"isnt it part of a nanny's role to deal with children's emotional wellbeing as well ?"

Not to the same extent that it is a PARENT'S role.

In my estimation, she is dealing with your son's emotional well-being, by letting you know that he was upset. He wants you or his Dad at the match, not the hired help.

OK you don't like the fact that she wrote it down. From your tone here, I suspect she wrote it in the book because she was worried about how you might respond to her if she said it to your face.

Get over the fact that she wrote it down. Deal with the matter at hand, which is that DS wants a bit more of YOUR attention.

how long per day, do you get the chanve to talk to the nanny?
does she have the time to talk with you?