OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

Incidentally, I'd just like to say my current nanny is fab. So we don't all have bad nannies who make our lives miserable.

Now now, let us not forget the male nanny.

Imagine! Bad enough with Mils and ex-wives, new wives etc in the pot.

With nannies yes I agree, so many chances for a misinterpretation and for one to feel slighted.

or even laughing....

I think it's domestic situations that are fraught. They take so much work and commitment from both sides and there are many opportunities for failure.

Plus putting two grown women in a house is often a recipe for trouble IME. I am so glad polygamy is outlawed in the UK for that evry reason - imagine the stress if the other woman was an actual WIFE!!! We would have to have a whole MN topic devoted to AIBU polygamy threads.

Sorry, I digress a bit.

Having a nanny sound like an extra complication in life, from what I can tell from these threads.

Grown women creating tensions and miscommunication. Makes me glad I don't have one. I would say you are wrong kittywise, nothing to do with people being 'pissed off' the op has a nanny.

Actually I used a nanny share once and it was a piece of cake and nothing like these angry nanny threads.

Half a nanny job is about the relationship with the parents, this nanny approached it in the wrong way. Have you actually talked to her about this, though? Does she know how annoyed you are?

And if she's so serious about temping one thing you definitely need is stunning references from EVERY job. You need to be on top of your game the whole time and having the children describe you as 'mean' or making them be silent in the car is not the way to do it. And that applies if you don't like the parents, don't realy gel with the children, whatever. Sometimes as a temp you're there for a short time, you leaving would have dire consequences and you just have to keep professional and smiling through it. Trying to make snidey comments about the parents choices or turn their children against them just because you know it's not a long-term job isn't an option because that's going to last long after you do.

most posters will be pissed off that you have a nanny, that is why they are having a go at you.

It's always the way on MN

'Paid to make your life easier' or paid to care for the kids and assist with their needs?

I think you are making it all about you. You found what she said unpalatable and you are blaming everyone else. I don't think it was the right way for her to deal with it though and agree she should have discussed it with you on the phone or in person. But do you honestly think you would have reacted differently?

And before you accuse me of being down on working mothers, let me assure you I am not.

Mine complain I don't go to everything, but with four of them to fret about, there are often diary clashes, so they just have to take their turn with me. It's not the end of the world.

Regardless of whether you work or not, presumably only people with a single child and absolutely no other commitments blithely assume it is normal for parents to unfailingly attend everything for fear of a child feeling (god forbid) a bit tetchy and hurt for five minutes at not being the centre of attention on every occasion.

Children are a lot more resilient than that, and if it were my son I would be reminding him about the weekend efforts made on his behalf and that if he felt he was so badly neglected then maybe he should do a bit of charity work to see how the other half live.

With regard to the nanny, she clearly doesn't have a future in the diplomatic corps. A decent nanny would probably have mentioned this verbally in a constructive way - it was a pretty odd way to go about raising it. I am sure you can find someone a bit more supportive.

She sounds like she feels she can "let it all hang out" cause she's a temp. Does it seem like she's jaded/generally had enough of this sort of job?

Would be interested to hear what someone like NN thinks or Blondes. I can hardly imagine they'd approach the manner int he same way, temp or not.

She has not gelled with my DC's at all who describe her as mean at the best of times. They are forced to travel to school in silence and its 21 miles away!

If this is true then I am genuinely mystified why you are still leaving your children with her ??

If you feel that she is "upstairs downstairs landed gentry approach" and that she feels you are (insinuated) "nouveau riche, working mother" then it sounds like it won't work on any level, luckily she is a temp, and ds and you all will soon be able to move on.

May be she doesn't disapprove of working mothers, only in this instance as she has hardly had to see you in 10 days.

It seems you have got really wound up about this, try diffusing the situation instead of having a battle, as you would at work.

She's the one with the chip on her shoulder, I suspect.

I am outraged on your behalf, but I am finding the demands of being a working mother very very hard this week. We work our butts off and if I got home to a sanctimonious comment like that, from someone I had allowed into my home and family life, I think it would send me over the edge.

Somebody who really cares about a child picks up the phone and discusses it properly. They don't put an off hand comment in a nanny diary and just wait and see what reaction it gets, if any. That is nothing but shit stirring in my opinion.

Just a thought - I locum and when you are new in a placement, you do not dive head first into every difficult situation, as I would not know every nuance of relationships etc. Family politics are even more fraught.

May be she felt that a simple report, for you to think about and then discuss together would be more appropriate than tell a new boss (who may come across as less approachable than she thinks) that there is a problem with the family dynamic, and getting overly involved in a family matter?

Your reaction here - to be angry at her and her professionalism, rather than listen to what has been said may reinforce this to her. Even if your ds is playing up, why is he playing up? Does he feel unsettled with a new nanny and may be this needs discussing with him (and her)

We can't be there all the time, thats obvious, but a temping nanny of 28yrs experience is not temping because she is shit - its well paid flexible work that you can fit around your own priorities.

I don't employ a nanny, but do employ an au pair, all my kids have said something similar to the AP at some time or another, usually after they have just got into trouble or are angry with me about something completely unrelated, kids exaggerate and kids manipulate, I think only the OP is in a position to correctly judge how genuine her DS's statement was, and there is a lot of very high conclusions being leapt to from a standing start here.

However also not quite sure why shocked that the nanny wrote it down to quote OP "isnt it part of a nanny's role to deal with children's emotional wellbeing as well" yes, so she reported it, not part of her role to worry about how you may take it, if she accurately reported the conversation then she is just reporting it.

Because then she wouldn't have any clients.