OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

what do you think she should do loves catsanddogs?

so what do you suggest OP does between now and Friday, then, Lovesdogsandcats? Resigns from her job? Leaves kids home alone?

So, you are leaving him with her until she finishes on friday even though 'she has made it clear she doesn't like him'?
Nice!

I think the nanny's crime doesn't really fit with the outrage expressed in the thread title. So it wasn't great, but the note didn't say "Thank God this job is only temporary and I will never have to see you again, its been hateful" or anything like that.

The op appears to be capable of expressing herself in a robust manner and perhaps the nanny isn't a shirker either. Perhaps she doesn't want to get into an awkward situation with the op, because she doesn't have anything invested in a good ongoing relationship with her, and yet wanted to pass on what she believed to be the ds's true feelings on the matter. Since she is only temporary she doesn't necessarily know that he is prone to exaggeration does she?

I agree with you BoffMonster - when I was a kid, I had to sit through endless dull visits with friends and relatives (my parents lived abroad so visits back to the UK were back to back visiting people) and go on all sorts of boring errands.

I think free time tends to revolve around our children nowadays and I'm not entirely sure it's healthy.

Also FWIW I think people almost go to too much trouble with their kids these days, ferrying them about all over the place, dropping everything to run to the school every five minutes, fretting about every aspect of their lives. How claustrophobic life is getting for our little ones.

When people had bigger families, less money and fewer transport options there was probably a better sense of perspective within society. Children could roam around being children, deriving their self-esteem from more worthy measures than whether mum or dad turned up to yet another poorly rehearsed class assembly. Let's all get a grip here.

No I don't find those comments bitchy or having a go at working mothers.

There are loads of assumptions on this thread because the op is a couple of lines long. Then people try and fill in the gaps.

I really don't have any views on working mothers, and may choose to have a nanny one day. Will make a concerted effort not to pollute relationship as I don't want it to be hard work.

I'm glad athene and others have positive experiences with nannies, gives me hope that I will do if I choose to employ one.

Scary - missed the first quote and there was one poster who sounded a bit mad and kept saying poor kids (can't be bothered to see who it was), but APART from that (a la Romans and the acqueduct), felt it was more about what mother's rage was really about and how, if situation were true, it might be happily resolved.

Scary, I also think people were a bit harsh. It's a nanny's job to work for the benefit of the family as a whole, as the children's wellbeing is inextricably linked with that of the parents. Any nanny who thinks he/she can just swoop in and out of people's lives trampling on sensibilities is probably in the wrong job. It is probably one of the most tactful jobs in the world.

It would probably be provocative if I were to cut and paste every comment along the lines of 'can't you call in sick' or 'you should make the effort' etc. etc. etc. But there have been plenty with an undertone of 'how dare you have a career'.

Kids have to be fed, clothed and housed. Someone has to pay for that. And we'd all be in trouble if every female full-time worker called in sick whenever their child wants some attention (however valid the child's point of view might be). Not sure anyone would be happy to have their operation cancelled, their court case delayed, their train running late, their supermarket closing early...

Every family works out their own solution. There's no one answer to the conundrum of paying the bills v. spending time with your children - whatever works for each family is OK in my book.

btw, I work part-time from home and can't afford a nanny so am not biased in favour of OPs circs. But I am brassic thanks to part-time from home stuff - we are REALLY struggling atm and if I could find a full-time job, ds would have to cope, I'm afraid.

Hehehe, naughty fantasy bad behaviour thought. Just before nanny is leaving, do her a crap note of her own, saying something like "DSs were very upset about having to do the school run in silence. They asked in tears if they were bad boys and whether it was a punishment, and whether nanny hated them".

Have you read the whole thread? I think these could be construed as attacks on the OP (and working women who have the audacity to actually be successfull)

"honestly you sound pretty posh, have staff working under you, kids at private school, quite an organised manner which can come across as slightly callous when applied to emotional issues ... It's scarey for an ordinary nanny to approach you."

"OP - just back from a client, eh? You've got a lot to say about your job, and are deflecting like mad onto your nanny. That bit about your DH not reading the diary - so why insist on it being kept? God you're both so busy."

Bitchy I'd say

Agree with Lady, haven't noticed the hostility. Defensiveness though, now you're talking.

Why is disagreeing with the poster a little assumed to be hostility to working mothers or nannies? I can only speak for myself, of course, but I have no negative feelings whatsoever about either.

I have had charges who feel the same way as the OP DC. Whether or not the DC actually feels this way or is just trying it on for the nanny is irregardless. The nanny should really have approached it in a more diplomatic manner and sugar coated it a tiny bit.
As for the OP not liking the nanny and her methods, then just sack her. Your DC's have to come first sometimes.

Lot of hostility against working mothers who are able to afford nannies on this thread.

FWIW my mother WOH and I don't remember her ever coming to sports day, let alone matches. Only time it bothered me was one year when the school allowed everyone to go home early with their parents, while the rest of us sat around like spare parts. Otherwise I understood. And appreciated the efforts she made to come to every event she could.

Riven - they are as dull as ditchwater. I cherry pick the good/significant stuff

Oh - and just to second Riven, kids do understand hard decisions. I think sometimes my ds has been too understanding. I missed something once - said I'd be there and I was late. In my defence I'd got the start time wrong but if I'd not been so wrapped up in work I wouldn't have. He was upset but said he understood
I had to tell ds that no, it wasn't alright. I'd messed up. I think that was the turning point tbh.

On mumsnet you only tend to read about things that have gone wrong, because that's when people need advice!

It sounds like she's a rubbish nanny, and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. If she was otherwise fab and wrote this in the diary I doubt your reaction would have been the same.

I think most proffessional nannies would have dealt with it in a sensitive and diplomatic manner.

It's hard enough being a working Mother without having extra guilt being heaped on you. The temp might have been worried about bringing it up in person but from past posts, I don't think the OP is unapproachable. Infact from what I recall, hers was a really nice job.

I hope your permenant nanny comes back soon. ( Sorry don't know the story there. )

babbi - the OP has already said the nanny is leaving at the end of the week because she doesn't get on with the DCs.

I think finding anyone to look after your DCs can be a bit hit and miss and it's harder when they are in your house. I don't even like visitors for more than a night so I'd be hopeless with a nanny hanging around continually!

OP - I'd have been pissed off too. If she is genuinely concerned about your DS, she should have spoken to you about it. What she did was simply have a dig at working parents.

clumsymum - I sincerely hope both you and your partner have sufficient independent income to be available to your children 24/7 or your comment about 'why bother having children' is well OTT

Sorry, not read the whole thread and I don't have any experience of nannies. I do however work full time, as does my dp. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I thought some of the very judgy posts were uncalled for and I also know full well that dcs can be utter drama queens. Your temp sounds pretty mean tbh as , too.
But after a while of never going to anything in the school day I gave into the guilt and I now make a point of organising things so that I can attend the odd tournament, fair and so on. Not all, just enough. I'm lucky in that ds's school is less than 30 mins away from work and that I have an understanding employer - I can take a late, slightly extended lunchbreak for example. I also took a day's leave to go on a trip with his class. Small things, really. But they make ds happy. Most of the other mums are SAHMs, so ds did notice my absence.
It sounds to me like you do more at the weekends than I do, but even so I do think that if you could go to the odd game, your ds will appreciate it - and probably more so than if you were a SAHM who went to everything.