OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

I work as a temp / ad hoc but not because I can't get a permant position. I don't want one. I have fantastic refs from all of my jobs and have kept in connect and still see some of my old charges.

I enjoy the flexibility of being self employed as it fits in with my children (making me a working mum too).

I would never leave a note like that for a parent. I would ask the parents for a quiet word out of earshot and explain the comment made to the parents. This is even more important in a temp role as you're sometimes not in the role long enough to know how the parents will "read" the note.

That's the trouble with writing note and texting - you never know how they're meant to be received.

Have not read the whole thread, but the ripping out of the geog would have had me sacking her on the spot.

Well, maybe the nanny doesn't appreciate it, but it's telling that your DS made the remark. I think a child who was not feeling a bit of negativity towards the nanny wouldn't be wishing for his parents to watch the rugby match, and what OP mentioned about the geography homework makes me think it might be time to find a new nanny. A child who enjoys rugby and has a nice nanny with whom he feels secure and happy enough wouldn't mind not having parents there and would just get on with it, especially if he's had nannies for a while.

Perhaps we should make nannies a separate hidden topic like SN if it offends so many

Not sure what you expect people to say really? When I first read this post I assumed you were upset by ds's comment - but you say you are "not concerned". The nanny is leaving on Friday so you've only got to tolerate her for a few more days. You can't just sit at home all day until you get another one so ds will have to make do with whatever arrangements you put in place - live with it - he has to (just don't be that surprised if he expresses further dissent - and God help the new hired help if they dare to mention it).

Actually parents having to watch matches at 2.45 many times a week would be a stretch for lots of families.

Which others said earlier, but really it's just a sports match during the week.

Depends how old they are, their little faces lighting up makes it worth seeing the harvest festival etc in reception but I think my mother turned up twice a year to school functions when over 12. At some point they can just get on with the school thing surely.

yes children are clever like that

we had a temp nanny a few months ago and I came back and the children were having the most extraordinary concoction of food I have ever seen (as I said, this doesn't bother me but it amused me).

The children immediately looked v guilty when I walked in and the nanny announced that they had given her a very long list of food they couldn't eat for fear of immediate vomiting .

She had phoned our previous nanny and confirmed they were talking total bollocks but had given them some odd mix anyway lol.

I must admit, I don't lay it out like you do (re the working) but perhaps mine aren't quite as old as yours! They do know that there isn't much of an option and we all just get on with it. I also say to them, they go to school every day like I go to work. It's a similar thing and we all have to do it, even on days when we don't feel like it! Still worth a quiet chat to ds anyway, just to check all is well (as I'm sure you've done anyway).

Its a bit of a non-story then isn't it Poppins?

MummyPoppins, totally fair enough. If i talked to my DS and it was clear that he didn't really mind (was just playing up) then I'd be off to work the next morning without a care in the world.

and I didn't mean by that that only me and athene are right but I just meant it is something that needs to be talked about but it doesn't necessarily mean the child is totally miserable!

I think children of working parents do say that. Why shouldn't they? Their parents aren't there at most events and they see loads of their classmates with parents there. I think it's a completely normal non hysterical comment for a child to make. Not every comment a child makes means they are miserable or being deeply affected for life. It may have just been a comment. But it is certainly something a parent needs to deal with, either like uwila has chosen to or like we do (well we both work, that is that, we try and come to the events that are most important to you - e.g. dd couldn't give a monkey's backside about sports day but wants us there when she reads in assembly which is fine as it only happens once a year ).

Re your reaction, well she's a temporary nanny and maybe she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to wade in though I would be surprised if any nanny I had didn't mention this to me (even the temporary ones). Having said that, I've never gone for the nanny diary as I'd rather everything was communicated face to face and I've never been that bothered about who eats what .

you know, live and learn and all that...

I think an experienced nanny should know this would be hurtful comment to the mum. It really shouldn't be a surprise to her.

I had a nanny once who knew when to convey a message without making me feel bad about not being there. This nanny should talk to my old nanny. ON (Old Nanny) and I had this running joke about how all first that I missed didn't count. I used to say, "I wasn't there. It didn't happen". And sometimes when I got home she would say things like "I just wanted to let you know that DS did NOT take a step today. But I suspect you might see his first one this weekend." We would chuckle. I knew full well he had taken a step. But I also looked forward to witnessing if "first".

Suffer?
The OP said the child plays 2 matches during the week - and some at weekends - would he really suffer if a parent did not attend each one? I have 3 children and wihile DH and I go to all school plays and speech days and prize givings we do not attend each match they play - that would be unrealistic for most families surely?

I work F/T like you and I love my job. I also have a nanny. So I'd never judge you for working and not being home all the time.

BUT I do think my reaction would have been different to yours. I think I would have cried if I'd seen that note in the diary. And then I'd have had a chat with my DS immediately and asked him how he felt about it/why he had said it/whether he really felt that weekends wasn't enough etc and why. Then I'd have talked to my DH about it. I wouldn't blame the nanny at all - OK it could have been said rather than written but ultimately it did need to be brought to your attention.

I think the bottom line for me is that kids say odd things which they don't always mean. but if I talked to him about his feelings, and my DS said that it made him really unhappy then I think I'd move heaven and earth to try to sort it out. And yes, i have a highly pressured high flying job, but I chose to have kids and could not bear for them to suffer. After all, the high flying career can resume in a few years...

Edam - your point about how the OP has to work because "children need to be fed and clothed" etc doesn't really ring true to me when the OP spends £600 plus on the nanny per week.
Thats a hell of a lot money for food and clothes...

Athene it won't be for a year as baby due in Dec, there are a few nannies at ds' school and mothers who employ nannies. I'm already doing some ground work and being friendly with them etc and will get advice.

I am semi-serious, in that there are lots of options and variables.

I can see mn is skewed mothers come here with their problems when they have them. (although I'm thinking you might also be saying cease with the glad I don't have a nanny line from earlier but that was more a response to kittywise)

theoriginal read my post back and it might come across as a wee bit patronising - hope you didn't take it that way.

I can't see why the nanny's comment is shocking, she was just writing down something the child had said. I'm not a nanny but i can imagine that if I were and i'd just started at a new family (a very busy family by the sounds of things) then I would probably do the same thing. She may not have felt comfortable bringing it up in person or just didn't get chance. I think it's always a good idea to have a daily catch up with a nanny to see what your children have been upto and to give the nanny a chance to discuss any issues. A nanny is an employee and so they should be treated with the same respect an employye of a company would be. Rules should be made clear and the employer should make an effort to keep upto date with whats been going on. My boss comes to see me at the end of every day just to see what i've been doing and to ask how my day went, I think the same sort of thing would help in theoriginalmummypopp situation.

Marsha, if you are serious about one day employing a nanny, I suggest you make some friends on these nanny threads because the nanny employers (and nannies) who type on here wil be your best source of good advice when you need it.

I think the whole anti working mum thing kicked off when clumsymum said "Why did you have children?" implying that she has chosen her work in place of her children and not in addition to them.

I have temped in the past and have 19+yrs experience and the oft repeated statement to agency had was that "the DC had had fun with MNP and they were sorry to see her go".

I believe the 'nanny' has ishoos and MP and the DC have met a lesser species of temp nanny, i know Blondes and NN would never think of behaving in such a manner.

These kids are at school all day, so I would either call in a favour and ask if they could go to a friends/relatives house after school. Failing that, pay a babysitting agency. This woman would not be in my house!