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Original poster

nannies & parents - could use your input pls on new nanny --sorry, very long

36 replies

theory · 14/10/2009 13:30

We started a nanny share with our neighbors (two babies, around a year old) this fall, and although in some ways, the arrangment is working really well, we're having some problems communicating with the nanny. Or at least I think it's a communication problem?

Nanny is very kind and loving with the babies, friendly to us parents, and has a positive attitude overall -- all good. She has problems with time management, though, and we sometimes question her judgment. She's promised to call us and forgetten (when she'd been ill, to say whether she'd be coming to work the following day, for example). This week, she was late in coming home at the end of the day with the babies and didn't phone us with any warning. As it turned out, they were on a slow bus in rush hour, having been out all day at a friend's house about an hour away. (Friend has a baby, who was having a birthday party.)

I don't want be unfair-- she had our permission to go to this party, and she has gone to visit people in this area before. (She used to work there.) But I do wonder about her going out there for the whole day, coming home at rush hour...not to mention not calling! The little ones were exhausted, and we ended up waiting almost an hour.

What do you think of this? We've had a nanny before (for just our girl), and I never had to spell things out: "Yes, you can go to this party, but you must leave after two hours" or "you can meet your friends in your old area, but only twice a week" or "you must phone us by 9PM if you are ill"-- this feels demeaning. But her behavior so far makes me think that this is necessary. She's very apologetic when we point out the problems, but she doesn't seem to SEE the problems on her own. Thoughts on how to handle this? We like her and really want to make this work.

OP posts:
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Set a reminder
FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 17:04

Nothing to stop you ringing her whenever you want.

Two of my bosses rang me every day to check all was well and I could phone them any time I wanted.

Original poster
theory · 14/10/2009 15:59

Thanks, everyone. I like the idea of a handbook. We're meeting (all parents plus nanny) tonight after work to talk things over, and maybe I'll suggest that we put things in writing. I'm wondering what other problems we need to anticipate!

It does seem to be a common sense thing. And that does makes me trust her less with the babies on her own (will she have her head on her shoulders if there's an emergency?)

Perhaps I should ask for a daily midday check-in phone call or text?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 14/10/2009 15:38

what time should she finish/you are back?

if at the party at noon then suprised still there 5hrs after

but maybe all were having fun and easier to give the 2 babys tea there, then come home - rather than battle travel for an hour with 2 tired, wingy hungary babies

she may have not had signal - but for the entire journey?

she should have called you when she reliesed she was going to be late

sone 20yr olds are sensible and have common knowledge = others dont - same goes for some 30yr+ nannys i know

argento · 14/10/2009 15:07

Sounds like she lacks iniative/common sense - some people do. Doesn't necessarily make her a bad nanny, just one that needs more management.

Maybe yopu could put together a little handbook for her - I've been given similar in nursery jobs. Spell out all the procedures you want her to follow - "if you are ill, call us by 7am, and then again at 7pm every day you are away to let us know if you will be back the next day"/"if you plan to travel out of the area, please seek permission in advance"/"please have the children home and ready for their parents by 5pm".

Sounds like she needs clear guidelines. Maybe both sets of parents and the nanny could get together and draw up these things collaboratively?

Feelingoptimistic · 14/10/2009 14:27

Theory - just wanted to say that I've had two nannies, and had a similar issue with one of them. It was exactly the same kind of issue - me feeling that a lot of stuff was common sense, and that I should not have to spell it out.

I think all you can do is just see how it goes. Try setting a few more rules - e.g. "we would prefer for the babies not to be out all day, as it is too tiring for them", etc. It's likely that she will still do things that you are not happy with (because you can't spell everything out !) but it may be that you can overlook those things, so long as the babies are happy and safe. That was my experience.

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 14:04

Some nannies just need more spelling out than others.

Original poster
theory · 14/10/2009 14:02

I asked her when the party was (noon), and it honestly never crossed my mind that she would stay so latemostly because if I were in her shoes, it would never occur to me! (both for my sake and the babies' sake) Same thing about phoning when she was ill. I didn't set the rulecall us by XYZ time-- because it never occured to me that she would need that. (When I did talk to her, finally, she was having a late supper, not sleeping.)

I completely agree about explicit communication-- the problem is I'm having a hard time anticipating what I need to be clear about, if you see what I mean. Lots of rules?

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 14/10/2009 13:54

I think there is blame on both sides...

When you discussed the party did you check what time you thought she would be home? Did you specifically ask her to be home at a set time. So if our nanny had said I a going to the party and will be home about 5 I would have probably questioned was that going to work in the rush hour. And always have the rule - phone. If you are late leaving, phone. If you are stuck somewhere, phone.

On the phoning about ill...maybe she was fast asleep ill? I would have said if I don't hear from you by, say 7pm, then either I will call you or I will assume that you won't be in.

I think you need to be more explicit with your communication.

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 13:50

So what do you intend to do?

Original poster
theory · 14/10/2009 13:49

She's 20. Yes, the other family feel the same way. (One of the great things about the share is that both families have been on the same page. And we chose nanny together.)

She was apologetic about being late, so I can't imagine she expected we'd pay her-- this didn't come up.

We (both mums) phoned her and couldn't get through right away. She said she had network problems with the phone reception, and I have them, too, sometimes, so I believe it.

OP posts:
FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 13:38

How old is she?

Does the other family feel the same?

Does she expect to get paid for the hour she was late getting home?

Did you ring her to see where she was?