quick view please

I agree with you Millarkie - of the nanny can't be trusted to know what is and isn't appropriate then she can't be trusted full stop. This isn't a case of her taking the children to MacDonalds.

Nope - I can't get over her letting him in the house and being with your dd - trust gone - wouldn't be able to leave for work without wondering what they were up to. (I am obviously so much more paranoid than the rest of you sane people!)

Being in her separate annex is one thing, being in your house with your children is totally unacceptable!

I totally trust my DP and know he is great with children, but I would never invite him into my work house or leave him with the kids as that's a complete breach of trust with my employer. Very unprofessional - nanny should know how inappropriate her behaviour is.

If he doesn't work, then he may also be around during the day.

End of the day it is a job. In most jobs you don't get your partner to come to work with you. During working hours, you call the shots. During non-working hours then your employee has more freedom... but as they are staying on your property, you still have some control - no all night parties.

Concentrate on what happens during Working Hours - during that time, do you want her boyfriend to be around? If not, then you need to tell her that. Working hours includes babysitting.

If my boss was unhappy about something I was doing, I would expect her to tell me. If appropriate we could then arrange to have a discussion about it.

At the moment, your nanny isn't being told that you are not ok about her boyfriend staying over regularly... so as far as she knows it's all ok. So you need to tell her it isn't ok and think about what you would be happy with... say if he was to stay a maximum of one night a week.

I would look for a new nanny - she is taking advantage and I would therefore not trust her in other ways so I would have to ask her to leave (whilst you are still in the first few weeks and there are no hoops to jump through apart from giving notice).
TBH I would freak out at the thought of my dd having a strange bloke in her bedroom - I make sure my childcarers are CRB checked etc, I have no checks done on their boyfriends!
Also if he is hanging round in the annexe your power bills will be higher (showers,tv etc), is he eating your food as well? There is a big difference between expenses for one person and expenses for a couple!
Children are adaptable - never stick with a substandard childcarer just because the kids are happy - honestly they can be just as happy with a nanny who isn't taking the piss!

ask does he have enhanced clearance?

Staying Friday night may be acceptable... then he can take her away for the weekend, dropping her back on Sunday evening.
Staying everynight is not acceptable. You need to lay down some rules about how the accommodation you provide is to be used, plus with regard to babysitting that such babysitting is only to be done by her not anyone else.
Once you get to know her boyfriend (the age isn't really relevant, as you don't say how old your nanny is, she could be in her 40's as well for all we know) then you may decide that he is ok and can accompany her when babysitting - stay the weekend etc.

No way is it okay for her BF to stay over all the time. My partner would occasionally come and stay some weekends with me (separate flat) but I asked that at interview as wouldn't have taken the job without. He also occasionally came to babysit but again I asked first, he met my employers at interview because he dropped me off and picked me up and my charge adored him (and it turned out he knew DBs elder son anyway!). I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it without asking and if they hadn't been happy then I would have either not babysat the weekend (was always my choice) or if it was a Friday and they were stuck somewhere then he'd have just have to wait for me to finish first.

Time for a chat and possibly a quick skim through the contract to check whether this would constitue gross misconduct so if it doesn't stop you can fire her.

I would be very uncomfortable at having him around your children - in DD's bedroom at 9pm? - you don't know anything about him, you haven't been able to check him out. In my opinion, that needs to stop immediately.

You then need to decide whether you mind if he lives in your annexe permanently. If you don't mind, you may wish to consider suggestion a variation on the contract, with your nanny being paid less in return for him living there rent-free. If you don't want that, you need to say that he is allowed to stay over only at weekends.
You may need to take legal advice because your ability to enforce rules may depend on the exact terms in your contract.

Oh, wonder if I missunderstood to OP.

I thought she was out elsewhere babysitting another family while her BF was watching OPs child/ren??

don't understand the babysitting thing - do you mean she was babysitting your DCs and he gave her a hand?

or she was babysitting somewhere else and left him to look after your DC?

either way I would not put up with it, but the second scenario would have her on a final warning.

'staying over' is not the same as 'moving in'.She is still under your roof even if separated as an annexe.

I wouldt tolerate this at all, after all you dont know the boyfriend from Adam and why would you want a stranger reading you dd bed time stories.

Dont understand the babysitting stuff, arnt you paying her to look after you own children?

Did she tell you at the interview that her boyfriend would be moving into your annex as well as her, bet she didnt.

time to talk I think..good luck

we have an ap rather than a nanny but I certainly wouldn't be happy with the situation you're describing. I would also be very cross that if nanny was babysitting she hadn't asked your permission to bring the boyfriend too, after all, you're employing a professional to do a job, not some random you don't really know/ haven't interviewed.

If I were you I'd have to make it clear that overnight guests were occasional rather than permanent and that you would prefer her to babysit alone or ok any friends with you first.

They're taking the p*ss...

Not normal for the boyfriend to stay over EVERY NIGHT.

Sounds like he is living rent free, what a cushy number

Not surprised your Pd off, but, you need to speak to her about house rules. Surprised it's taken you so long to speak out TBH

Where you aware she would be baby sitting and so the boyfriend would have your LOs?

Not an employer BTW i'm a nanny.