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Original poster

My au pair hosting days are numbered..

33 replies

Millarkie · 19/09/2009 15:49

My dmum has just confirmed that she wants to move in and 'be our au pair' when current (lovely) au pair leaves next year. EEK!
In theory it will help out both of us since she can rent out her house until the mortgage is paid off (she's currently working 2 quite physical jobs to earn enough to do this) and will be bill-free etc with us. And since we have to have someone live-in because of dh working abroad every now and then, it might as well be Mum...but still...EEK!

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MatNanPlus · 21/09/2009 20:28

You could install a extractor fan Millarkie

Original poster
Millarkie · 21/09/2009 18:06

matnanplus - I love the idea of the cupboard kitchen but think dh would freak out about cooking smells upstairs! Although would be behind 2 doors before landing so maybe?? It would make it an official granny flat rather than a granny wing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Millarkie · 21/09/2009 18:01

DIOM - course you can - yup, current (and extremely lovely) au pair is (another) German

OP posts:
DadInsteadofMum · 21/09/2009 10:50

Current AP needs to leave early for family reasons and we like the next AP already recruited so didn't want to dump her. Had a choice MiL for two months or temp AP (which is disruptive for the kids).

Temp AP arrives in two weeks.

Mill she is German as is your current one I think, can I CAT you in order that they can make contact and perhaps meet up in Cambridge.

GibbonInARibbon · 21/09/2009 08:00

Yes Linda, I follow Greeny around fawning, simpering and generally agreeing with everything she says.

I do like Greeny, as I do many posters on MN, though I may not always agree with them. Never feel the need to call someone 'up themselves' for thinking differently to me though.

For the record, it was not obvious to me that your name was in honour of strictly. I just thought you really liked the old oxo adverts.

TinyPawz · 20/09/2009 23:42

thank you, they look fantastic.....very clever ikea

Greensleeves · 20/09/2009 23:33

Not obvious to me Linda, I don't watch it

I like Gibbon too

but I don't think she would have agreed with me for the sake of it - that's a bit insulting to her really

Millarkie, I don't have a Grand Plan for the smooth running of the household either - things just muddle along - but I still wouldn't want my mother (or MIL) breathing down my neck all the time interpreting everything I did as an affront to the way she'd done it thirty years ago

Good luck with it though, if you and your mum get along well it sounds like a lovely arrangement!

Quattrocento · 20/09/2009 23:15

Well I suppose it might work if you are both very easy-going. I'm okay with aupairs in the house because it's clear who's in charge but lines get blurry with relatives, I think. But if you're not the sort to simmer with resentment if your wishes get overridden occasionally ...

MatNanPlus · 20/09/2009 23:11

Tinypawz here in a cupboard & another but no cupboard

LindaBellinghamFanClub · 20/09/2009 22:25

Name changed in honour of Strictly - obviously - but have no idea who you are. Just think it was a pretentious turn of phrase but Gibbon clearly loves you so don't worry about it

TinyPawz · 20/09/2009 21:51

matnanplus can you do a link to ikea kitchen in a cupboard....i can't find it.

GibbonInARibbon · 20/09/2009 21:00

Hi Greeny

I too will be using 'have you got something spiky in your knickers?' at the first opportunity

Original poster
Millarkie · 20/09/2009 20:40

And no one has told me what running the household entails let alone sovereignty!
Oh well, will report back in a year if the kingdom hasn't been overthrown by then

And my new phrase shall be 'have you got something spiky in your knickers?' ROFL

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 20/09/2009 20:25

lol, Linda, even you have to admit that that was a VERY childish come-back

hi Gibbon

I don't think "sovereignty" is an OTT word to choose. The OP needs to be sure that she will be able to continue parenting/living her life and dealing with her family without an uncomfortable power struggle with a relative who doesn't respect her as an adult and respect her boundaries. If the OP's mother presents no such challenge, then I'm delighted for them. It's not the case in every mother-and-daughter relationship, unfortunately.

Still curious as to why the unsolicited spikiness, Linda. Have you changed your name recently?

LindaBellinghamFanClub · 20/09/2009 19:16

For you maybe.

GibbonInARibbon · 20/09/2009 19:00

Awww bless, was it a bit difficult to understand?

LindaBellinghamFanClub · 20/09/2009 18:36

Anyone who uses the phrase "your sovereignty over your home, your time and your dc?" is up themselves.

GibbonInARibbon · 20/09/2009 18:14

How has greeny been up herself exactly? Perfectly reasonable comment imo. I adore my mum and we are very close but I know exactly what greeny meant.

Token

To the OP if you are comfortable and happy, go for it

Greensleeves · 20/09/2009 17:54

Why am I "up myself"? I think it's probably quite common for people to be wary of having a relative live with them unless they are sure that their lifestyle/parenting preferences will be respected. It sounds as though your mother wouldn't cause you a problem in that regard - that's very nice for you. It wouldn't work with my mother, unfortunately.

Amy reason for the hostility, or have you got something spiky in your knickers today?

LindaBellinghamFanClub · 20/09/2009 16:54

It's a nickname, Greenie, so it doesn't matter how it's spelt

If my mother was coming to live with me it would be her home so she wouldn't need to be "respectful of boundaries" she would be part of the family. And if she were looking after my children whilst I was absent then I'd trust her to make decisions.

Anyway, the OP seems pretty chilled about the situation, it's just you who is up yourself.

Greensleeves · 20/09/2009 12:06

Oh, sorry, you misspelt it

Linda

Greensleeves · 20/09/2009 12:05

yourself Lynda

Mother or not, most of us would only want a relative to move in and help with the children if they were respectful of boundaries/space and able to accept that the main decision-making is done by the children's parents.

Original poster
Millarkie · 19/09/2009 21:53

Hmm..well she doesn't drink and we don't have family in Argentina and although we do have family in Ireland the budget flights aren't that bad
I'll look at the Ikea kitchen-in-a-cupboard
Since one of the motivations for doing this is so she doesn't lose her 'own' home (ie. the house which she'll rent out whilst she's with us) I guess it won't be the same emotional investment as if it were her only home.
Have 6 months to plan everything now - as long as current au pair will put up with us until the end of her contract.

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 19/09/2009 20:49

my mates mum has been her live in nanny for the past 4 years - my mate estimates that with paying for her board (esp. her expensive tastes in food, wine and whisky), flights home to ireland and argentina (to see other grandchild) and nanny cover its cost her 4x a nnny would have done! Hope your mum is more economical....

MatNanPlus · 19/09/2009 20:38

You could get an Ikea "kitchen in a cupboard" Millarkie for her room.