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Original poster

Nanny running personal errands while on duty

34 replies

bookien · 01/09/2009 22:58

Here is what happened this morning in my household (3 children, 2 in school, one baby):

I was discussing plans with my nanny, who said she planned to take the baby out in the morning. I asked her to please take the oldest child out also, as the middle child had a playdate and I wanted her to be able to play at home without her siblings (you know how it is, by the end of the summer they have seen enough of their siblings). The middle child and her playdate would be watched by the housekeeper. I mentioned the idea of taking the older child & baby to a local museum (something fun for the child as only 2 days left to school start), but left exact plans up to our nanny.

In the middle of the day, my older child calls me to complain that he is bored, and explains that the nanny took him and the baby on a long bus ride across town to a bank to wait for a long time. That was the outing. I got home and asked the nanny how everything was. No mention of the outing until I specifically asked, at which point she mumbled something about helping a friend at the bank and having to go today as the bank was closed yesterday (the bank holiday).

This comes after another incident a few weeks back, where I left my middle child and baby with the nanny around 10am, suggesting they go to a nearby playground for some fresh air and exercise. Instead I found out later from the middle child that they went to Marks & Spencer to buy the nanny a dress.

I have had this nanny for many years, I have a lot of faith in her, but recently I have felt she just cares less.

So my question is:

  • Am I justified in saying this behavior is unacceptable? I am usually lenient regarding personal errands, but this seems like too much.
  • What do you do when a long time staff member starts disengaging? When do you give up and decide its time to move on (much harder question, I know....)
OP posts:
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StressBat · 01/09/2009 23:42

I also like the idea of children experiencing normal "home" life, which would include running errands, other jobs you get lunch hours to nip to bank etc, but with the longer hours that nannies do it is harder to fit things in.

As for the dress buying I think she must be a very brave nanny to have contimplated dress shopping with 3 children in tow, perhaps with it being M&S it was pre ordered and she went in to pick it up, perhaps tried it on to make sure it was OK.

When I nannied we traveled all over on buses and trains for all sorts of daft reasons, it was an adventure.

annh · 01/09/2009 23:37

I think running some errands is fine. When my children were younger I would have seen the nanny taking them to the supermarket for some groceries, to the post office, dry cleaners etc as being just as good for them as going to the park on occasion. It's all activity, meeting people and lots of things can be made fun - talking about stamps and Postman Pat in the post office, how many colours can you spot on the dry cleaners rack etc. But I think it's a question of timing - I would be reluctant to take my own children dress shopping which is not fun for them (or for me!) and I certainly wouldn't expect someone whom I was paying to work for me to do so either! Obviously, lots of nannies don't get formal breaks so I think it's important to be flexible and accept that the nanny will need to try and run some of the errands that we use a lunch hour for during the day! ong bus rides to a bank on the other side of town don't come under that category however.

Merrylegs · 01/09/2009 23:37

housekeepers... staff members... playdates....child furtively phoning to tell you he's bored

Honestly?

Kids get dragged to boring errands at banks and tedious shopping trips to M+S all the time. It won't kill them.

I don't believe this is really a dilemma for you.

As someone with long term experience of employing 'staff', you sound perfectly articulate and able enough to tell her yourself what your expectations are, without seeking the counsel of random strangers who are far more likely to be interested in your domestic set up and the use of your term 'playdate', then they are about your nanny's shopping habits.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 01/09/2009 23:34

I agree with NL, I would be rather shocked if my child phoned me to say they were bored in such circumstances.

Northernlurker · 01/09/2009 23:32

What is your exact arrangement with the nanny regarding how many children she looks after - it sounds from your post as if her primary duty is to care for the baby and you rather landed her with the older child. If she had stayed at home who has the primary caring responsibility for the older children - the housekeeper or you or the nanny?

Tbh - she had to go to the bamk, she has to go during working hours - is it really that big a deal? I'd be pretty irritated if any of my children rang me to complain about being bored in these circumstances. I think it's good for children to know that the world doesn't exclusively revolve around them and you didn't tell her what to do, you left it to her discretion.

alarkaspree · 01/09/2009 23:30

I imagine it's hard for a full-time nanny to fit in things like visits to the bank in their time off, so I'd say important errands like that are acceptable, but I wouldn't expect the nanny to do too many of them. In this case it would have been better if she'd asked you first, there might have been a better time for her to do it. I think the dress-buying was out of order, but popping into the chemist for something would be fine.

It may be that your nanny is used to being able to do personal errands with the baby while your older two children are at school, so she's got into the habit of it and needs to be reminded about her priorities.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 01/09/2009 23:26

I don't have a nanny or a housekeeper but surely the point of having a nanny is to recreate a home situation. In real life adults have things to do and children sometimes get bored. So this would not bother me.

Yurtgirl123 · 01/09/2009 23:23

I think a few errands that dont take long (and are important) are fine - anything that takes ages or involves shopping for dresses isnt!

TBH Im more interested in the fact that you have a housekeeper and a nanny

happynanny22 · 01/09/2009 23:19

From a nanny's perspective - I do sometimes bring my charges with me to do personal things, they are 5,7,9.

Sometimes I can't do something I really need to do while they're in school (e.g. last week I needed to pick up a book from my university library for the next day), so I took them with me. However, because I am doing something I realize is actually only benefitting me, I am sure to make it as fun as possible for the children, by playing games along the way, letting them have a look in the library to see what it is like at 'big school' etc.

So I guess because I make a special effort like that, they don't mind so much - and they are a good sight old enough to complain about things they don't like!

Would you feel better if when your nanny needs/wants to do personal things while at work your children enjoyed themselves, or would you prefer she just didn't at all?