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Original poster

nanny needs some advice from both side, is it going too far?

35 replies

babloogirl · 05/07/2009 22:37

Hello,

I will try to make it as short as I can but quote the facts as they are.
I started nannying for this family back in February 2009. So it has only be a couple of months.
I am a live-in nanny during the week, but I leave out with my partner on week ends. they knew about that and are fine with it.

There is a few thing bothering me, but I would start with the main one.

The money for activities with the child or any errands.
From time to time during the week they provide me with money, but when there is no money, I have to advance the money and they then refund me which is not a problem for me as long as I can afford to advance.

Last friday, the mum came to me at 7.50am just before I start, giving me a list and asking me if I could advance the money. I told her that it is going to be a bit difficult for me because this week I have lots of expenses going out (rent, council tax,and some direct debits).

She then accused me of not being reliable because I couldn't even advance her 20£. I was completely shocked that she was accusing me of that so I explained her about my expenses going out, but she told me that you are getting x£ per month, you rent is that much, where is the rest of your money going?

I really think that this is none of her business where I spent my money, but as she was insisting to know I had to tell her, that I am repaying some debts which is the reason why I am a bit short of money.

But I really don't think I should have had to justify myself.
Plus looking back in the diary, I noticed that in June I advanced her twice 38£ and then 36£, and much more times little amounts.

After she left to work, she rang her husband and they were clearly speaking about me and what just happened, and just before he left, the dad left the 3£ they owed me from the day before on the table (as if I am begging for money). the mum apologised to me over the phone for the way she talked to me in the morning (and in front of her child) but then she said that I should understand that she is worried about the welfare of her son if I don't even have 20£ to advance her.

So that is the first point which is bothering me (keeping it as short as possible)

My second point is that since I started with them, I rarely go out, it must have happened less that 5 times (in 5 months)and always coming back early (11pm at the latest). anyway,

They ask me to send them a text when I get to my partner on friday night to make sure I arrived alive...and every sunday night they ask me to send them a text to know what time I will be back which I completely accept to do because I don't want them to worry (they said me they are worried about me travelling on my own by tube and train...) I am usually back to their place between 9pm and 10.30pm.

One sunday night I send them a text saying that I will be home a bit later at 11.30pm. I straight away got a reply saying please note that we want you to be home no later than 11pm. Once again I was really upset, I spoke a bit with them when I got back and they told me that this is the rule I should respect it. I tried to tell them that I am never going out during the week, apart from the sunday night when I come back later because I am enjoying my day off with my partner. I wouldn't be the kind of person staying out past 11.30, midnight at the latest.

I really feel like trapped or back at my parents (I am 25). Am I doing anything wrong?

Plus in my contract it is stated that I should do 2 babysitting a month, in june I did 4. I did not ask to be paid extra or anything so I am not the kind of person who would moan about everything (I hope you are not getting the feeling that I am).

So my question is: am I being unreasonable in my acts?

(thanks for the one who read this until then end

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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iMissEdith · 05/07/2009 22:49

Don't give them notice, just go.

They sound nuts.

OnceWasSquiffy · 05/07/2009 22:49

No, YANBU.

They have way, way overstepped the mark. They aqre treating you like their daughter, not their nanny.

I would sit down with them and tell them that you feel they are not treating you as they would expect themselves to be treated at work - ie on a professional basis. To that end, it is entirely your decision when you return home at night so long as you perform properly the next day, and that you will no longer be calling them on a Friday night when you have left.

You should also point out that your money is your own business and if they would like you to do chores/shopping/trips then you will need a proper petty cash system whereby they replenish a cash balance each weekend, against the receipts you provide. We have a petty cash box which we top up to around £100 whenever we remember, and the nanny tells us when it is down to £20 or so. Works fine and I imagine every nanny employer does the same.

If you don't say something it won't improve. Saying that, it won't go down brilliantly however you phrase it, but better to have a tense conversation than carry on being treated like a child I think. If they turn round and say 'their house, their rules' there's probably not much you can do about it other than look for something else...

bran · 05/07/2009 22:48

For the money thing I think they should be giving you money in advance. If they are worried that you don't have enough cash to hand (for instance if you needed to get a taxi in an emergency) then they would be better off giving you £20 to hold in reserve.

I think it's entirely unreasonable for them to give you a curfew unless they have to wait up for you to get in so that they can bolt the doors (although you could do this). So long as you are fit to work on Monday it's none of their business what time you got in on Sunday night.

If they are otherwise good to work for then ocould you discuss these two things with both of them, or do you think it will descend into petty bickering?

Millarkie · 05/07/2009 22:48

They are being unreasonable. Look for another job.

LittleRedBook · 05/07/2009 22:48

hi there. I don't think it's right that they should ask you to fund activities and then pay you back later? end of the month?, they should have the cash ready and if there is a real mess-up with having money in the morning it should be paid back to you by the end of the day. Your cash flow is none of their business and I don't think the mother should have put pressure on you by asking you such personal questions.

as for the coming back curfew - it sounds a bit controlling though perhaps they are concerned about you disturbing the household when you come in? if you lived out they wouldn't know what time you got home so don't see that they should control this aspect of your life - would be different if you were coming back very late, drunk etc. can you get to them on Monday mornings instead?

but others who have nannies may have more useful advice than me.

funnypeculiar · 05/07/2009 22:47

No, it sounds like they are being unreasonable.

  1. Not acceptable, imo. Let them know that they need to provide money up-front for any outgoings - they should not be relying on you in this way. But I suspect this will be becuase this is how they are used to running their expenses (most businesses would do expenses in this way - ie the employee pays out, then claims money back) Absolutely agree that how you spend your money/what cash you have available is absolutely your business
  1. Is there a reason why they need you back earlier? (I assume you have a key and they don't need to stay up to let you in?)Had this 'rule' been discussed before?
  1. Once you hit your 2 babysits per month, just point it out (In a very matter of fact way) - do they want to pay you extra or will this count against the next month (depending on what you're happy with)
dizzymare · 05/07/2009 22:47

It sounds like total madness to me
Hand your notice in love!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/07/2009 22:43

also it seems that you are employed from Monday morning until Friday evening, so you should only be back in time to start work on Monday.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/07/2009 22:42

Give them notuce and go.

3littlefrogs · 05/07/2009 22:40

No - you are not at all being unreasonable. They should not be asking you for money - ever. It is entirely your business how you spend your wages. I would be looking to get out of this situation if I were you.

They are exploiting you.

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