nanny needs some advice from both side, is it going too far?

haven't read all replies so forgive if i repeat but just wanted to agree with posts that tell you to give notice asap, esp. if 2 months. You seem like you are pretty mch dreading going back after break.

It is difficult to have an outside perspective when you work alone and parents make you feel unreasonable. Seems like they are treating you, and maybe making you feel, like a little girl.

I had a rubbish first job and stayed much too long giving all sorts of chances and having discussions that never changed anything. Thought I'd chosen wrong career and eventually after one crazy week gave minimum notice. They had huge issue with this and witheld my pay and wouldn't let me work notice. Also refused to give reference or for me to see child again unless I gave more notice. Years later they texted me to say sorry and asked me back!- some parents often have to learn the hard way.

I was totally honest to my next employers at interview- didn't go on about it for ages and tried not to lay blame except simple facts. Generally said we had incompatible ideas of my role and that I gave notice. They were totally fine with it, spoke to the parents who were 'ok' and got the job.

Also better to get out sooner before things get worse due to building resentment, else future employers might wonder why you stayed if you were truly unhappy.

Nearly every job since I have enjoyed going in and rarely have monday morning/post-holiday blues.

good luck...

I agree with the others, I think you're not being unreasonable at all. I don't have experience with live-in nannies, we have a part-time live-out nanny (about 20 hours a week). I'm a bit horrified by the whole curfew issue in particular!! Just out of curiosity, what's the logic behind it (if any)? Have they said? Is it that they want quiet? Is it that they worry if you're later? What on earth is it?? .

As the others have said, I would sit down & have an honest, open discussion with both mother & father (without the child there). At the end of the day, if you can't manage to have a good, open discussion with them & reach a mutually acceptable agreement, there's not much hope for this job to work out in the long run. Open discussions like that are the most basic thing you should be able to manage with your nanny. If that doesn't work & you're not satisfied by what happens, then prepare for your next job (& hand in your notice whenever you feel you're ready).

1. The money thing would bother me. IMO you're showing sense and maturity by budgeting. Your debts are nothng to do with them - I owe the governement £12k in student loans. Do my employers care? No. If they don't leave you money then you don't spend any.

1. Any issues they have with you should be discussed away from the child. I second whoever said that the next time they do this you should hand your notice in.

1. The curfew, if they've just imposed it on you, is crazy. And 11.30 for a 25 year old is ridiculous. The texting thing wouldn't bug me so much.

1. Clamp down on the babysitting now. If they mention you've done it before say you thought it was a one off, you're a flexible person but you could be doing other things, like earning money babysitting for other people!

I would think twice about handing your notice in. It is your first nanny job and it's difficult enough to find jobs in the current climate as it is however if it's really intolerable then staying isn't healthy. I have 2 months notice in my contract, I handed mine in last week and it doesn't feel long enough!

Very unreasonable of them. Especially with a curfew. In my job the curfew rule is "Just try not to make too much noise!" and obviously if I do venture off I tell them when I expect to be back, but as I have no evening social life it's all okay really But seriously, get out of there, they're truly being bastardised by the sound of things!

I agree with everyone else that they are being unreasonable. But, I disagree that you should be handing your notice in.

Now is not a great time to be job hunting. If I were you I would ask for a formal meeting with them, without the children around, to discuss these issues and propose solutions. Even if nothing gets better, stick it out for a few more months. It will be much easier for you to find your second job if you stayed in the first one for a year.

yanbu

but did you discuss a kitty/curfew/bs at the interview?

i always ask a bout a kitty and a credit card - cheeky some may think, but tbh least on a credit card you can see where the money is going, where a nanny who has say £50 kitty a week can spend it on whatever and the mb may not not know/ask

it is NONE of your mb business what YOU spend YOUR salary on - it is yours.

tbh i think it is sweet/caring that they want to know you are back home safe on a friday night, when job moved 2hrs away, i went with them for 2mths to settle children in/find a nanny etc, and i always texted them to say i got home ok - friday night and m25 can be lethal

i do feel that as long as you are there and ready to start work at 7am monday morning then it is NONE of their business what time you come back on sunday AS long as you are quiet (which you are)

you do need to sit down and have a chat and discuss what you are not happy with and then if they wont compromise, start looking for a new job

def DONT leave without notice, that is how nannys get bad names

you signed a contract and have to repect that (and yes i have 2mths notice in mine, i feel that a month isnt enought to find,interview, check refs etc and get a new job/nanny)

use your 2weeks off and see if there are any jobs about you like, but be warned if you are new to this, so you have no experince you MAY find it hard to get another job, esp if you leave this one before a year

YANBU, they are being completley unreasonable

it is NONE of her buisness what you spend your £ on.
also i wouldnt be calling / texting to let them no when i have arrived or am leaving etc.... which is also NONE of their buisness

Wow I don't even ask what my DD spends her money on, it's her's and she's only 9. To ask a grown adult how much their bills are is appalling IMO I would be really .

If my employer asked my for an advance I would be are they skint? ask them next time they ask you to pay for something. And as for doing the grocery shopping and picking up dry cleaning tell them to bugger off, your'e a nanny not a scivvy, if they want a mothers help then they should have hired you in that capacity.

I think nannys are to put on, your'e job is to look after the children, blummin heck thats what your'e trained for, find a family that respects you as a person and a professional, I doubt it will get any better if they are treating you like this after just a few months. Sign up with some agencies, have you got a friend with children who could give you a reference or one from your tutor or work placements?. Personally when I have looked for staff I judge them on who they are and the interview and a gut feeling of trust rather than ref's as lets face it's not unknown to have a slightly fictional CV, I hired someone who fell out with their boss on a gut feeling (not a nanny) one of the best staff I've ever had and I met the prev boss a few years later and thought yep what an arsehole.

Start looking for something else in your 2 weeks off and check stuff out, good luck.

How come is couple of months since February? Or you had long hols between?

Regarding the first point they are very unreasonable. at asking you where the rest of your money is going.

Ditto on the babysitting issue.

Regarding the second point, it is not clear. Did you agree on that before you start? Is it part of the contract? If so, you cant argue now that they are unreasonable. I know it is very mean of them to make fuss for 30 minutes but... If you have agreed when you accepted the job then i wouldn't argue about it and wouldn't include it in the reasons of resigning.

I think the best thing to do is to join couple of Agencies (your employers don't need to know yet) not only they will help you in finding another job but most importantly will advise you on your resigning letter, references, cv etc.

Good luck

Forgot to add, don't worry to much about the fact you left so soon there will always be one or two that it puts off but many employers will understand that it's difficult to find a nanny that really fits well with a family and sometimes it just doesn't work out.
I have a 6 month hole in my CV and I didn't have any problems securing another nanny position, just be up front and honest about it.

Just noticed this, I'm an ex live in nanny now currently a live out nanny.
Give notice from experience I can tell you this wont get better. In the 5 years I spent as a live in nanny, starting when I was 18, I never once had a curfew or met another nanny that had one.
In the past I've had issues with me having to spend my on money for kitty and get them to reimburse me, I learnt my lesson the hard way when I gave notice to one nightmarish family and they didn't pay back about £800 they owed me.

If you do stay with them ask for a meeting with both parents and be very clear that you will not:
Spend your own money, make sure money is in the kitty if not then do not do things like pick up the dry cleaning.
The curfew, if it's not in your contract simply tell them NO. You are an adult one whom they consider responsible enough to care for their child therefore you are responsible enough to decide what time you get home/go to bed.
Tell them you will not answer to personal questions about your fiancees unless they want to start telling you about theirs.
If they want you there Sunday night tell them they need to pay you for that night as you are unable to spend your time off how you like and must be on the premises.

Most importantly tell them if they ever argue or reprimand you in front of their child again you will give immediate notice. This is completely unacceptable behavior and undermines you in front of the child.

I would also discuss with them a babysitting rate and from now on charge them if you do more than contracted.

I would disagree about staying with them because it's your first nanny job and you need a reference, I know many nannies that have stayed in jobs where they rub along with their boss but never really get on. They always get very lukewarm references.
There are some great families out there so don't give up.

Ooh dear sounds a tricky situation. You are def not being unreasonable in feeling upset about the situation.

RE the petty cash, some employers pay upfront some later on. It is up to you and them to work out what is best but if you said you didn't have the money to pay upfront she should have worked around that not pried into your personal finances. I have always been paid upfront but sometimes I go over or they forget to leave money etc so I use my money and they reimburse almost immediately.

The curfew is definately not good. They are not treating you with the respect you deserve as an adult and employee. When live-in there are finer boundary lines and they may be genuinely concerned you get home safe friday nights but I can see how it is irritating for you. Simply tell them that if you didn't make it home safely then your OH would know and inform police and them etc so not to worry about you.

Getting back on a Sunday is a not fair curfew. You know what your limits are and as long as it's not affecting your work then you can come home when you like. Tell them that you have already compromised by coming back Sun eve not Mon am and you promise to be back by midnight not 11! You know yourself you wouldn't want to be later than that anyway.

Babysitting - as others said let those ones go but count future ones. Can you mark them in the diary/calendar so it can be seen that they have been used?

Since it is your first nanny job and I would try and stick it out for the experience/reference etc towards your career and learn from the experience. If you really want to leave then surely you are still in your 3 month probation and only have to give 1 weeks notice not 2 months??

Good luck and hope you can find a solution.

Hi
I think this is really difficult because so much depends on the situatio and what you have agreed

Re the money. Of course you should not have to advance money, but an earlier poster is right, it is what often happens in businesses - you pay and claim back each month so that might be part of their thinking but you certainly shouldn't have to justify how you spend your money and it should have been something made clear to them

FWIW if (however odd) the concern was you having enough money for an emergecy I woudl always expect anyone with my DC to have enough money to get a taxi home or deal with somesuch emergecy although I know that is not exactly what you are talking about

As to a cirfew I know many people wiht nannies or live in people do have curfews. I am not saying it is right but people do get odd about having others live in their homes. I thhink it shoudl certainly have been mentioned before you started work

I think also it is an odd situation being semi responsible for someone living in your home

THis is not to say I think your employer is right in what they have done, merely trying to suggest some explanation?

Did you go to them via an agency becaues the agency may be ble to intervewent and help since you are new to the post?

Otherwise, if you cannot explain your situation and change things I agree yo ushould think about moving because it is clearly making you unhappy and with work - either you sort it out or move o!

Good luck, I really feel for you and my post above was not meant to be unsympathetic

I'd start looking around and see what the nanny market is like at the moment. Try asking a couple of agencies or looking on the internet at nanny sites. That will give you an idea about your options, always a good place to start. It is not unusual for nanny positions to be relatively short for a variety of reasons, and sadly one of them is employer unreasonableness, but yes a prospective employer would have a worry or two, and references are important. So you do have to handle this carefully.

However they are being ridiculous and totally unreasonable. You should never be paying out your own money, except for a treat for your charge that you choose (and you know the family are OK with) or very very occasionally when your employer has had a bit of a brainstorm (been there, done that) in which case they should be incredibly apologetic, and get the money back to you as soon as possible.

That they implied it was your fault you couldn't pay for their dry cleaning is bizarre to say the least.

Re. the curfew it's fine if it was agreed to up front and in the contract, but otherwise your obligation is to be there Mon am. It sounds as if they are very controlling and have a fairly weird risk radar too. We had daily nannies and they always arrived on time every morning. Why wouldn't they? If it is your job to start at a particular time, then you do. I wonder if they really just don't like you being away at the weekend? Strange because that seems quite a good arrangement.

Wow! You poor thing, You really do have to speak to them, they should never ask you for money! I am shocked that a family would do that and then give you a hard time when you say you can't afford to. It is none of their business where your money goes! My bosses would never ask me what I spend my money on, they do tell me off when I spend it on the boys though!

I pay for everything for the month out of my money and my bosses pay me back at the end of the month, sometimes as much as £1,000 + but this is my choice, I like getting a big cheque at the end of the month, feels like I get paid loads of money! And it helps me to save.

I live in and they would never ever think to give me a curfew (although that may be cos I am a year younger than Bmb and 5 years older than MB!) thet do ask what my plans are if I am going out, but only in a friendly way, they wouldn't tell me what time to be in or even ask me what time I'll be home.

And the babysitting, just tell them, you have kind of set a precedent by not telling them the first time it happened, silly!! But if they ask you to sit for 3rd time in the month, just say that's fine but I have already done my 2 contracted babysitting this month so this night will have to be paid and tell them how much you want an hour (unless it's already in your contract) if they say no we are not paying you, then tell them you will not babysit. I know it is so hard to do these things but you have to let them know where you stand or they will walk all over you.

You will know for next time and you will talk about these things in your next interview and in your next position you will learn more new things that you will put in your next contract!! I've been doing this for 23 years now, I am still learning things that some parents take you for granted!!

I would try to stick it out for a year, I know it is hard but if you have to give 2 months notice (2 months??? That's one thing you need to change in your next contract!! A month is usual, then if you like the family and leave for some reason you can give them longer notice but if you hate it, it is 4 weeks, not 8 and if you have any holiday owing you might even only need to do 2 weeks!) that takes you up to 7 months, only 5 more to do! Then it would look better on your C.V. One think I would suggest though is to ask for a written reference (for a new babysitting client or something) a month before you give in your notice then if she gets shitty at least you have a reference for your C.V. Been there done that!

Try the nannyjob message boards for loads more advice from seasoned nannies.

Good luck and talk to them!! Write everything down and if you get upset (like I do, pass it over for them to read and get everything in writing!

I would hand in your notice and look for another post. How long have the previous nannies lasted? It is completely unreasonable for them to expect you to advance money -- fair enough once in a while when unforeseen circumstances crop up, but to expect it as a matter of routine is way out of order. And an 11pm curfew on the Sunday night is also unreasonable.

They are out of line. An 11:00 curfew for a 25 year old? Weird! Just plain weird! I wouldn't have stood for that when I was 18 (but then I was a tad rebellious in those days). Surely 11:00 on Sunday night is not within your contracted hours?

Sorry Babloogirl, I know I dont have any experience in this area but it all seems totally mental to me.

dry cleaning? They seem to want you to act like a family member re money but a servant re anything else.

They simply should NOT be expecting you to lend them money.

I would hand in notice. You arent even due back sunday night, should be monday morning!
I would hand in notice, and if asked next time, explain that you didnt fel able to work with people who were treating you like a child, especially as you were caring for their child.

Any chance you could do live out next time and then you could use that as a reason you left.
Good luck

Agree that yanbu on both counts.

With regards to the money - what do the expenses cover - could you pay for your activities in advance or is this for other things. Is it possible for them to give you a works debit/credit card so that they know where the money is going and how much and also means that they just have to pay it off in 1 big sum each month.

The curfew - been there and done it - and agree that it makes you feel like a child - I would mention it to them - are they always up when you get in? what would happen if you're late? does this affect any babysitting you could do for local families. I would sit down and say that whilst you understand their reasoning ie making sure you're alert the next day etc that you are a grown up - is there any way you could get a train to get you to work on the monday morning ?

I am not a nanny and have never employed a nanny but I feel I have to comment on your post.

The way they are treating you is utterly unacceptable. Why on earth should you be expected to subsidise your employers? I worked for a local authority, should I sub them every week so they can get the bins emptied?

Are you their first nanny? Do they really think that this is normal procedure?

You need to get this sorted out. They should provide you with a float to finance their children's activities. It is irrelevant how you spend your wages as they are unconnected to their family finances.

If you cannot sort it, you need to find another job.