Nanny issue - spending too much time on her own errands

as your nanny lives miles away from where you do,then you are quite within your rights to say no going back there

as i said i do pop back to my houses every now and again, but it is closer to school/nursery than where my mb/work house is

bbut the difference is my mb knows and doesnt mind

feeling optimistic, i am in nw5 and ex-nanny lived westwards .... best of luck.

OP I have a blanket rule that it is fine for our nanny to leave our area of London IF she clears it with me first otherwise I expect her and the DCs to stay in our area. I would not be happy with my nanny returning home during the day - much as my boss would not be amused with me doing so.

Gosh-scary stories. Dear OP did she have a valid reason for going to her house when you asked her about it? If not I would be very very worried-and yes, I would monitor her (not sure how??nannycam or some such??)

hi feelingoptimistic, i recently sacked a nanny about this sort of issue (and many others). we couldn't have been clearer in the interiew about how we expected her to spend her days, and she seemed happy with that ie mornings doing baby activities wth 1 yr old, after lunch activities at home with 3 year old back from nursery school and baby asleep, and after school with all 3 children. i was shocked when i discovered that her idea of morning activities for ds2, 1.5, was being taken round the shops in the buggy all morning, when he already has 2 hour long school runs in the buggy. i raised it with her and really she didn't respond. i'd previously had a wonderful nanny who would have considered this very unprofessional. the sacked nanny also wanted to take then dcs to her flat a bus journey away and to hang out wth her friends, of whom i knew nothing and some of whom sounded a bit unsavoury. in the end, it was clear that her expectations and ours of professional nanny behaviour simply did't match up. sorry to be pessimistic but if i was doing it again i would be more honest with myself frm the very first dubious incident thati was't happy and confront it very clearly. i don't think anything is to be gainedby waiting and seeing really. do let us know how it goes. (wonder if this might be the same nanny ...?)

It's interesting that you mentioned the punctual thing in the first breath. This weirdly became one of the key reasons we kept our first nanny as long as we did. She was reliable in the sense of never being late, missing days, etc. So in that sense we didn't have any disruption. DH became convinced that we couldn't replicate that in anyone else!

I guess my point is don't do the same. (I'm assuming you don't live in E London and it's not our former nanny...)

I must admit, I have run little errands during my work day occasionally - like going into town to have some passport photos taken - but it is pretty occasional, not every day/week. I would also not dream of taking my charges to my house or having non-nanny friends round to work!

I understand about stating boundaries. I was working with the assumption things hadn't got to the stage you were just trying to salvage her employment.

Coming across as too strict or reactive (you went to your house; now i want you to fill in daily diary) or preemptively over firm (I want to know where you are going to be all day), can start to damage a relationship and could exacerbate deception(maybe illustrated by SusieDerkins). This could make you less informed about your child in general and also about suitablity of nanny for your family.

My insurance is valid anywhere as long as it's ok with my employer that I'm there IYSWIM. Agree it wpuld make life complicated otherwise. It is a general point though. I wonder whether an insurer would uphold a claim for an incident which occurred when nanny and child were somewhere the parent wasn't happy with. The nanny would have been working outside agreed boundaries which is pretty negligent in my view. That's always assuming the boundaries have been clearly stated...

Our old nanny did this. My dc were really tiny so couldn't tell me where they had been and it became clear that she was taking them round to her mate's house (next door to her house) and spending hours with her mate drinking coffee and chatting whilst my dc watched tv. From the word go I told her that I wanted to know where she had been every day and she started to lie very quickly to me. Lots of things didn't add up and when I found out she had been lying I confronted her. She resigned on the spot. Thank god. The whole thing was horrific.

We had a similar situation with our nanny who had a cast of characters that would drop by our house when she was working. I came to realise they often structured the day as it suited them. I think DD may have been to her place which was miles away.DD used to tell me they went to Mc Donalds and one time we were driving out to the coast on a route that was very close to the nanny's house and she goes: "There's our McDonalds we go to with xx!"

The only way we stopped this (before the relationship ended) was by physically booking and paying for activities for DD to attend which the nanny had no choice but to take her to. Essentially I was structuring the day remotely. It's a huge hassel and not something you should have to do with a proper professional nanny.

I would say if you feel you some sort of lingering suspicion you can't trust her - don't ignore that. In our case, I ignored a lot of little things and before we realised it we were in a situation where we had to substantially change the way the whole arrangement worked and it caused a lot of aggro.

I hope you haven't got my old nanny - she used to drop my ds at school then put my dd in car and drive for 30 mins to her house, hang out with her mum (who smoked) and her boyfriend, no suitable age toys at that house etc, and then dd would spend another half hour in the car driving back. Was not impressed when I worked out what had been happening (especially since I was paying for the petrol). Not in the same league as nanny popping into post office or picking up some groceries with baby in buggy.
I would ask her to fill in a daily diary with activities that they have done and also make it clear that you expect to be asked before your dc are taken anywhere out of the local area. And do point out that you employ a nanny so that your dc are cared for in their own home with their own things about them, not to be in someone elses!
Good luck. (Really hope it's not the same nanny!)

how old is your dc?

are they old enough to say what they did ie went to park, went swimming/saw a friend etc

when you say "less then honest" is she lying where she has been or is she just not saying

i normally say to mb what we have done in eve when i pick her up, ie park, coffee am,seeing a friend, swimming etc - we do do the same things each week so she has a rough idea but sometimes these plans do change

i never check with my mb that i can do what i do, she trusts me, i have been with them for 3years but even from day one i would go out with dc and take them to places without checking

though at interviews i always mention that i am a very sociable nanny, and go out/see people - but i also have quiet time at home to play/bake cakes, do playdough etc

its just finding a balance

but the main thing as i said before, if that YOU are not happy with your nanny doing this so doesnt matter what anyone else does iyswim

I think you are in a difficult situation actually. How did she respond? Your OP suggested there were other things but maybe you didn't want to say.

If so somehow you could try to get her to open up about what she really does all day. Maybe she feels/expects you have high expectations (nothing wrong with that), perhaps you could say something like wow you did a lot why don't you have a cup of tea while DC plays for a while; or in the morning just emphasise they have a happy, chilled day. I know you shouldn't have to and you might not have done anything for her to feel this way but it could be a way to get her to feel comfortable.

hope i didnt offend

then thats very different

i work about 6miles from my house and its about 2 from where school/nursery is

have you actually said that your nanny CANT go to her own house?

regards insurance must be a french thing, otheriwse if insurance was only valid at the childs home then what would happen if at a friends for a play, the park, walking round duck pond etc

There is doing odd errands, nipping home, etc but lying about it or just not telling tells me she knows you wouldn't approve.

Yes, suspect that will make the difference. French law won't be like English law... so insurance terms will be different.
I like your way of getting around it... blanket consent for everything, then a list of Not Permitted things.

It's French so that may make a difference! I get round it by having a lost of things I'm NOT allowed to do and consent is given for anything else which may crop up in the course of discharging my normal duties. I think it's quite good actually because it's pretty damn watertight and if there is an accident parents can't turn round and say 'oh but I never said you could do that, how dare ypu?this is all you fault.'

I have my policy document as a PDF, so I'm hunting for this CONSENT bit. Can't find it.
Which provider frakkinP?

It would be impractical for a parent to give consent to a nanny for each outing that nanny does. I can just imagine me phoning up my boss twice a day to say... can we go to x museum, go for a walk down x path by y river?

I rarely take children to my home... when it has happened it's usually due to me forgetting my glasses (I can see fine in the mornings, gets worse in afternoons!). I probably forget my glasses once every couple of years.

Feelingoptimistic - I do not feel that your nanny should be taking your child back to her home on a regular basis. Doing her own errands is also not on. It is a job like any other.

Blondes do you mean the 2 hour rule for CMing? Maybe your policy is different but I'm only insured under mine if I have parental consent for activities so there's no 2 hour rule and if something happened I'd be screwed.

tbh i dont see the problem - she prob works long hours, doesnt have an official lunch break to go to post office etc so she does some errands during the day

a nanny is meant to be in the place of a mum while they are at work so she is only doing the same as you might with your child ie post a parcel/pick up milk etc

i go back to my house sometimes and hang out washing if sunny - i have some toys at my house and all 3 of my charges love going there and playing with them - sometimes i go back after school there and have tea ta mine, which all 3 LOVE and mb thinks is lovely - they also terrorise play with my pets

insurance wise - i think it is the 2hr rule so yes if only popping there and not there all day then she should be covered

but in the end if YOU are not happy with this, then it is your porogative(sp) as her employer to say you arent happy