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Original poster

Time to say goddbye?

37 replies

OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 09:58

Hi am feeling really today. Have just had 2 weeks off work as I am currently only minding one mindee and he went on holiday. I have posted about him before and the problems I have with his parents and him sometimes. He came back yesterday and cried solidly from 7.30-1 when I dropped him at nursery. There was no reason for the crying and I tried to ask what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me. He cried whenever it was a meal time and this started off my dd (aged 8 months) he is almost 3. Am wondering if it is for attention. I know its not because he has just had 2 weeks off as was doing this before he went too. My problem is I do this job not only because I enjoy it but because I am able to look after my own children this way (sorry to say but after 16 years in childcare I would prefere to do it myself I have met some real rotters over the years!) My ds (3 1/2) has now asked if he can go to pre-school every day so he doesn't have to see x and also if he can not go to toddlers so he can go to 'school' with his friends and not with x. I am really because I am feeling that I want to be with my dc who don't want to be here because of x. What would you do he is my only mindee and I need the money? I tried to talk to mum this morning but she couldn't get away quick enough and he was already crying. I have a new mindee in Sept and another one has asked for a Sept start which I have said I will get back to her about as x is due to go to pre-school but mum forgot to ask for a place as now he is on waiting list. Mum has told me once he gets a place he will be using his 5 sessions and I will be dropping down. This other possible mindee would be 2 days week and the definite new starter is full time. What do you think is it time to say goodbye to this mindee based on the fact he is making my dc miserable and my dh wont come home from work until he knows he has gone as can't be doing with the tears? Or do I persevere and see if he gets better (have had him since 5 months so not a settling in issue either. Would love to hear your comments TIA

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Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 13:07

Sounds good but tbh don't think he has the understanding for a reward chart. I have just managed to calm him while he was in the highchair and I said x why were you crying and he said 'yes cry highchair' I then rephrased the question in about 4 different ways and all he said was yes. I got him out of the highchair and he is now making a train track and every now and then he will look round the room and make crying noises (no tears though)

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tommypickles · 19/05/2009 12:38

stop running around after him!! Tell him calmly and quietly that his behaviour is upsetting you and the other baby and he must stop it now, do it so he knows you're in control! what do the parents say you can and can't do with regards to disapline? do they use time out or anything, or maybe take toys away until he's good? Perhaps you need to do something he's familiar with, because if there is really nothing wrong with him then he's just being naughty! I don't think we're talking about a child who is actually upset are we? I would be inclined to make him a reward chart...right now.....and tell him that when he fills up the chart with stickers he can choose a special little toy from the shop, and he can have his first sticker when he stops crying!! Failing that get the mother to collect him.......say he hasn't stopped crying all day so there must be something wrong with him.....and start a fresh tomorrow with some new tactics ie reward chart.

LisaD1 · 19/05/2009 12:33

Hiya,

I think you should give notice to x's parents. I know it's hard as I had to do the same. I had a little one who was exactly the same and it used to upset my own dd so much that somedays (actually most days) I would be in floods of tears by the time my hubby got home, it had a really negative impact on my homelife and it's just not worth it. I persevered for 6 months and no matter what I tried it didn't work. I now have an adorable and very happy mindee and the difference this has made to both my dd and our homelife is amazing.

Good luck :-)

Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 12:27

Thanks Sammi he is currently sat in highchair (I am next to him on laptop) crying I am not sure if this is because he is still hungry or doesn't want what I have given him or is done eating he wont tell me . He has however managed to upset my dd so much she has refused her lunch so another afternoon of moody dd for me because once she out of high chair she wont eat anything else, a picky eater at best of times

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Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 12:24

Thanks Jenni am on PC to find help, my pc in the same room as him and I was trying to play with him but still he sat crying, I try to message when I can as get more help during work hours

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SammyK · 19/05/2009 12:22

My sister's DS cries like this (same age) wanting something within his reach, at meal times etc, she has a baby too and finds it really stressful and that's her own dcs.

Is he a FT mindee?

I would give notice TBH, and make a little money any which way I could. e.g. weekend shop work, childcare bank staff, EBAY, car boots, etc. Would any september mindees like to do one session a week? Are there any minders off on their hols? Do SS need sessional childcarers?

Would rather we all beans on toast than had an unhappy DS and a DP who would rather be at work than home!

I have been in this situation with family being unhappy and it's just not worth it!

JenniPenni · 19/05/2009 12:17

She's on her PC hoping to find some help!

It's a really difficult decision to make... but for me my own kids happiness would always come first. They don't want to be at home.... because of another child... alarm bells! I know it'll be hard to say goodbye as you need the income.. butIwould say goodbye, your kids will be much happier immediately, and you could advertise for another child immed..??

littlelamb · 19/05/2009 11:55

Why are you on the PC if you are meant to be minding him? I don't want to be rude, I was on your other thread, but if he is doing it for attention...

tommypickles · 19/05/2009 11:53

oh you poor thing! can you talk to the parents? surely they must have to take steps to improve his behaviour! i you tried being firm with him and letting him know that his behaviour is unacceptable, sometimes with other peoples kids we're just too nice all the time, then they think they can walk all over you. tbh i have never had a problem like this with the kiddies i mind, i'm a fair and fun person but they know when they've crossed the line, so i rarely have any probs. do you think he thinks he's in charge of you, what could you do to make him see he can't behave like this

Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 10:44

Am sat here at the mo in tears!! He is crying and wont tell me why earlier I worked out it was because he wanted his drink which was a metre away from him on the coffee table and then he cried because he wanted to play with the pushchair, he is the only one in the house other than my dd who is 8 months and he knows whatever he wants out he can get it is all in the same room as him just a short walk away. He has woken dd up with his crying now. I just don't know what to do, but I can't go til Sept on no money

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tommypickles · 19/05/2009 10:20

Absolutley time to say goodbye!!!! I too have my own little boy (3.5) at home with me whilst I mind, I do it quite simply for him, so I don't have to go out to work, like you.
I would definatley give notice, I know you say you need the money, but you will at least know that it's not forever if you have one signed up for sept. just think of it as a long holiday, some time to spend just you and your son. Is your son staring big school in sept? My son is, and if I was having the same problems as you I would definately give notice so I could spend some quality time with my son before he goes to school, you'll never get these young years back, why spend it looking after someone elses child who is making your family miserable.
Good luck hun x

Original poster
OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 09:58

Whoops should be goodbye

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