Time to say goddbye?

Not near Uxbridge either.

I'm now using Ofout's AIBU post, as it seems to have more going on.

Message withdrawn

I'm in Herts.

I am appalled by the OPs approach to this 3 year old child. You talk about him as little more than an inconvenience to you. If a 3 year old child is crying all day he is clearly in distress. Surely you can work that out. You have spent a significant portion of your working day on here trying to get advice. The answer is looking back at you in the mirror. Please for the boys sake stop minding him.

This has made me so . You should be banned from looking after children you are clearly incapable.

Not in Uxbridge nope, but my cousin(in-law) is in Harefield if that's any use.

OO any update for us? How was the wee mannie today? Did you get to talk to the parent?

He's been there 2 years???? Never saw that I know my lil ones inside out within a couple of months Any probs/potential probs are dealt with with the parents asap. If things (eg: language probs) aren't nipped in the bud, how can the necessary help be sought?

The fee is FAR less important than the happiness and wellbeing of the mindee and the CMs kids. As I said before... please give notice/seek proper aid in how to care for this little boy, asap.

He very much does sound like a child with a language problem. Does he often have difficulty answering your questions?

I can't help feeling that if you are a trained CM you should have some clue about what is wrong with him. Surely as you have had him for a couple of years you know him by now.

And why two threads if you are then going to leave the other one when it doesn't go your way?

Are you really rated as Outstanding?

As a first-time mum who is returning soon to work and looking for a childminder, I found the whole story deeply upsetting.

You don't tell us much about his family life, Ofstedoutstanding, you do tell us though about yours and how it has been compromised by the little devil. Do you really care, when you are paid to look after him but you prefer to hide behind your finger and ask for sympathy from fellow CM? Why haven't you asked for advice on your own free time?

At least, it seems there are CM out there with insight into children's behaviour and decency.

TheOtherMaryPoppins, Oligo, Baisey, Pellmell. Alibubbles, Redandgreensocks, do you work near Uxbridge? If yes, please reply. If not, thanks for bringing balance to this issue.

A worried mum

You sound completely clueless!

If have not already given this family notice, then you need to!.
You could contact your early years department and ask for a chat with one of their support staff. You could ask NCMA for some advice etc etc....have you?

Your posts say more about your inability to manage than they do about this child.
I'm sure this child is experiencing prolonged stress if nothing else.

You are supposed to have the interest of the child at the forefront of your service.
It amazes and upsets me that adults don't intervene and communicate with one another at the earliest opportunity!

Good post socks {smile}

I agree ali. I am very about these threads. Can you imagine if the mum read them??

I have posted on the other thread about this. I think the childminder needs to do some Behaviour management training to help her understand why the child is like this.

You say you have been a nursery nurse etc, for many years, so you should be able to cope with this easily as a 'professional'

Give notice for the child's sake, not yours.

I think Redandgreensocks is right and you should give notice..

yes its sad that your family now resent the child but quite understandable.

to the non childminders out there you must understand that it is a very intense and sometimes lonely job to do.
You cant just hand over a crying child or go off and have a break like you could in a nursery situation.

As a cm I am lucky all my mindees are adorable, but if I had one that constantly upset other mindees and my own children then I would have to give notice.
Also parents can be very reluctant to discuss behaviour issues, even with qualified school teachers, let alone childminders. Good luck Outstanding..

What radiates out from your post is you and your family now really dislike and resent this young boy.This is sad as you have been his carer for a large part of his life but you really need to get out as this is not good for him or you.

Some children are definately more challenging to care for and do cry more than others over seemingly minor things.He is only 3 which can be reason enough but there may possibly be other issues. This is surely where your childcare qualifications kick in.Do you suspect there may be more to this crying? Does he have other issues such as sensory?

When he is constantly crying you really need to do something different like get out for a walk to the park,run around the garden,cuddle and read a book,just play one to one with him with his trains.It is hard when children cry.

It sounds as if you don't have this flexibility because of your own baby and therefore your mindee has to fit more around your own children's schedules.Some children this works with but others need much more 1 to 1 individual attention.

He should not be in a highchair at 3 just because he makes a mess.You must know this.

He really does sound like he has communication difficulties (he should be able to express why he is crying) and this is why he is just crying.Have you looked into this and any other issues as I mentioned above and discussed it with his mother?

You do need to sit down ASAP to properly speak to his mother and discuss all this along with anything she and the nursery says and give her your advice on what he needs (would he benefit from 1:1 such as a nanny caring alongside nursery) and then give notice.

Have you talked with parents? Has anyhting happened? Was he like this before you had the hols - takes a while to settle back in gain after a break I know. What is he like at home?

From what you have said he does appear to be being babied somewhat, in a highchair for eg - a 3yo doesn't need ot be in a highchair. He doesan't sound as if he has great speech either which will add to frustration he has. TBF he sounds as if he might be bored. What's a typical days activities? Do you get out?

3yo boys don't cry endlessly unless there is a problem of some kind.

I think you have reached the end of the road with this little boy - with respect I think he needs a different setting/CM who is more able to give him the attention he needs/deserves.

"I have just managed to calm him while he was in the highchair and I said x why were you crying and he said 'yes cry highchair' I then rephrased the question in about 4 different ways and all he said was yes. I got him out of the highchair and he is now making a train track and every now and then he will look round the room and make crying noises (no tears though)"
HE WANTS YOU TO PLAY WITH HIM FOR CHRISTS SAKE! AHHH

underpaid has it spot on, if you feel so bad and your own dcs are suffering then give notice.. you have done your best but you cant parent him, thats not your job.. good luck..

Oh it is really sad to you tommypickles blaming the child being for being naughty or having something wrong with him and that he needs to be good. He is clearly unhappy and he sees something wrong in his life. He needs to learn to deal with this and perhaps ofstedoutstanding can help. You could be the one important person in his life who could try to understand his perspective- whatever that is.

Yes part of his crying might be to get things that he physically can do himself but for a child to feel so helpless and cry all day they are clearly comminicating how they are finding life difficult. That they don't feel in control of their environment. He is directing his crying at things e.g. drink, buggy, but that is maybe to make sense of his persistent need to cry/make noise.

Surely he needs to be made to feel secure- this totally includes sensible boundaries but he needs to calm down and be happy inside himself not because of external rewards. Has the nursery also noticed anything?

My initial instinct from what i have read is that he is lacking significant, consistent and positve one to one interaction/attention, perhaps at home.

Make sure he realises that you have noticed how upset he is, tell him calmly that he must feel really unhappy to cry/shout/whatever so much, that you can see how he just really wants you to help with whatever. i would say all this quite a lot in different ways. He is still young and it will help draw his attention to how he feels/is being but in a non-threatening/judgemental way. As an experiemental short term measure I would try to anticipate what he wants before he cries about it too long and give attention/affection when he is not 'asking'.

If you feel you and your family can't cope with this (it is clearly upsetting you) you should absolutely not continue but if you view it as a challenge for a few more months it might be really rewarding if you can support him through it all.

Outstanding - Your post reminded me of an article I read a few years ago, similar age, crying when dropped off, very hard to calm down etc, I don't know anything about child phsycology but it made sense when I read it, Basically child was rushed from pillar to post early on by rushing parents who were always running late, driving in all directions trying to get to minder on time in rush hour traffic etc, they tried an experiment whereby over a few days (parent took some time off) they got the child up a little earlier, made sure it had breakfast, dressed etc, drove to minders (unhurried) but didn't go in, then went home again, this was done over a few days doing exactly the same thing each day, driving exactly the same route, with parent pointing out familiar landmarks on the way, it worked when child went back, it was a lot calmer and over time had no probs at all.

I don't know what situation your mindees parents are in but if they are in a constant rush sometimes their stress passes onto the little ones who deal with it by being distressed, might be worth asking some questions about routine?

Good luck I hope things get better soon

DS1 was supposed to go to a childminder for 3 short days each week when I was on maternity leave with DS2, to make things easier for me recovering from a c/section. He cried all the time he was there and after 4 weeks she said he wasn't settling, was upsetting the other children and really it was time to say good bye. I respected her decision at the time and was glad she'd told me. She could have taken my money and I wouldn't have known how upset my son was. I think the parents should be pleased you've brought this up - I know I was.

If they refuse to discuss it, give notice. This job is hard enough now, you don't need to be unhappy at work because of one child. Once it starts affecting your family life, its definitely time for something to give - don't let it be your sanity and your relationship with dh and dcs . They must always come first.

Sounds like he is used to getting away with behaviour like this at home and does it for attention - hence the chucking the food on the floor. He could be doing that also as a protest against being put in a high chair - I agree he is maybe a bit old for a high chair.

I would have a chat with parents - don't let her scuttle off - and find out if he's like this at home and how they deal with it. Agree to use the same behaviour techniques with him - it soon stops. I had to work with parents of 3yr old last year, behaviour exactly as you describe - we cracked it between us.

OH I thought he was 3, if he is then I'm sure he will understand.....sometimes when the kids act up and don't use words it suits them because they know that they'll be treated as a baby or a kid that doesn't understand and that suits them cos they get their own way, kids are very smart. If this kiddie is nearly 3 though do you think there may be some other issues......thinking about the fact that he doesn't seem to be able to talk etc. Do you think perhaps he's being babied a little too much....why does he sit in highchair? is that what he's used to at home? Maybe if he has trouble with his speech he's just getting very frustrated that he can't say what he wants/needs or like to do?