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Original poster

Gah! So cross at CM - not sure what do next.....

145 replies

OrangeKnickers · 05/05/2009 19:14

steam is coming out of my ears! (Sorry long).

So last year due to a 'miscommunication' our CM went away on holiday for a week, I found out about it the Friday before she went. It was a nightmare.

So this year she gives us a piece of paper with her holiday dates on. So we book our holiday around her dates, to make life easier.

I mention about our upcoming holiday - which starts next week assuming she's away as well. She says 'oh no, I am away on the xxth June'. I am like 'are you sure, I thought you were away when we were'. She says No she's away for two weeks starting the xxth.

So now not only have we bloody booked our holiday around her dates (would have booked it later in the year coz of the weather) BUT we also have to scrabble around to arrange childcare at short notice. We also pay her for four weeks holiday, and she needs to give us a month's notice of the holiday - which it works out that she has done now.

I am so cross! She's also recently put her prices up. And this has already happened to us once (she's been our CM for about a year).

What shall I do? She's good with our ds and is flexible and (usually!) reliable. I am sure it's an accident but it's so annoying. If was a purely commercial relationship I would part company from her following this but obviously ds is settled there.

Any thoughts would be gratefully received. Am I being unreasonable to be so cross?

OP posts:
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TweetleBeetle · 07/05/2009 16:45

Blast not last!

TweetleBeetle · 07/05/2009 16:45

But still - what business is it of yours?

My parents went away for 3 weeks when I was about 10 - I had an absolute last. Stayed with friends and was spoilt rotten (in a good way) got to see how different people did things and loved it. I also had german measles whilst they were away and was spoilt even more. It felt like a holiday to me too and I love my mum and dad to bits.

Mulanmum1 · 07/05/2009 16:32

There's a huge difference between going away with DH for a night/weekend and leaving your child for a week. But each to her own ...

Littlepurpleprincess · 07/05/2009 15:23

I'm a childminder and I do not charge for my holidays, but I do charge for their holidays. However, I allow up to 20 days, unpaid days off for them during school holidays.

RachieB · 07/05/2009 08:27

oops!

what I was going to day was

a lot of the mums I know would love to go away without their children,but don't have nayone to look after them
or the children are so attached to them, they freak if they go for coffee / shopping / exercis class etc....

RachieB · 07/05/2009 08:25

lmao @ "jesus, if thats your definition of a good cm ...would you expect us to shag the husband as well, if the wife is a bit tired..."

Miss sunny totally agree we have at least 4 holidays every year ( as a family)
and then additional nights / wkends as a couple a few times a year...

It's usually for our anniversary etc,
which reminds me I've not go anything booked for that, so will get on the case

Don't get me wrong some people don't go anywhere without their children,which is fine your / their choice
but don't have a go at those who choose to do so ,and leave with loving grandparennts / aunties etc

It doesn't make us any less "good / loving ", as a parent !

a lot o

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/05/2009 08:13

ORANGE hope chat goes well with cm

i still think se people shouldnt get paid for their own holidays, but can understand if their mindees go away that they should be paid half ,as they are still offering their services

guess if anyone signs a contrat saying you will pay a cm holidays then thats up to the cm/parent

and i dont think there is ANYTHING wrong with orange going on holiday WITHOUT her child - i do a lot of proxy parenting for familys who like some me time and dont have gp's about to have their child

you may all be mums and dads, but you also need time as hubby/wife as well

HSMM · 07/05/2009 08:06

What someone else said .... she didn't give you a months notice of cancelling her holiday.

ladylush · 07/05/2009 07:50

Quite agree Tweetle

TweetleBeetle · 07/05/2009 07:46

mulanmum you were being very judgey in your original post - at least that is how you came across , so yes you were told to back off. There is nothing wrong with wanting some time to yourself away from the children. It might not be right for you, but who on earth are you to judge what is right for the OP.

I too love going away with the whole family, but have on a couple occassions had a nights away with DH which were also great, we got to be a couple again, shagging whenever we wanted, eating in restaurats that weren't child friendly, getting up late. The kids also had a great time with their grandparents (as did the GPs)

I may be a mum now but I am still me and need some me time and time for me and DH.

ladylush · 07/05/2009 07:46
MissSunny · 07/05/2009 01:27

Message withdrawn

MissSunny · 07/05/2009 01:22

Message withdrawn

thebody · 07/05/2009 01:13

am going to bed.. its my 21st wedding anniversary today!!! just thought you might like to know.. any hooo.. nite night.. oh btw Dont worry Melanmum.. your treatment by the sisters on mumsnet is tame.. enjoy.

Mulanmum1 · 07/05/2009 00:31

LOL at being called a troll (and "the other one").

I asked OP to clarify, FBG jumped in with "back off" and then others waded in before OP told me to "f*ck off".

No, I'm not - going on holiday with DD and DH is great fun. Don't understand why someone would leave their DC with a CM for a chunk of the week and then not want to spend precious holiday time with them but there you go.

JenniPenni · 07/05/2009 00:15

OrangeKnickers please do let us know how you get on... what your CM says. From what I understand her communication has not been the greatest or fairest imo.

JenniPenni · 07/05/2009 00:14

I always tell

JenniPenni · 07/05/2009 00:12

'There are plenty of childminders in my area who can offer spaces at short notice as unfortunately most of us are not full.
All we can do is offer to look for a stand-in childminder, the same would apply if for some reason we could not work due to illness or accident.
Most CMs do try and socialise with others, but some areas are MUCH busier than others.
Also it's good practice to have a policy on what would happen if you (the CM) could not offer care at short notice.
NCMA contracts recomend that the CM has 4 weeks holiday per year, as many have lots of kids on their books and they would NEVER get time off otherwise.'

I am in a very busy area (eg: I have a vacancy opening in Sept for the first time in 2 years)... and the few other local CMs I know might have the odd day/afternoon available currently, but it might not necessarily be available come my actual holiday time (many months down the line), unfortunately.

I almost tell my parents the necessity for emergency family members/friends as backup support for themselves. I have a looong policy about it .

thebody · 07/05/2009 00:02

also I havnt got time to actually arrange child care for the parents when I am away.. jesus, if thats your definition of a good cm would you expect us to shag the husband as well if the wife is a bit tired...
what if the child care arranged by this saintly cm was crap.. who would be culpable??

To the argument about the mum going on holiday without her kids.. its not for me but its her business and she doesnt deserve to be shot down in flames..

Mmind you though.. wheres the fun in a holiday without them...
each to their own..

JenniPenni · 06/05/2009 23:58

'Any good CM should be able to introduce you to a stand-in childminder who would cover for her whilst she is on holidays. '

I am an outstanding CM (or so my report says... lol..) and I don't feel obligated to personally ensure all my charges have a place at another CM (I have 6 kids on different days). It's the parents responsibility. I give them details of trusted (and registered) CMs who might have a vacancy, but I cannot be sure of this. Parents get many months holiday notice from me anyway... so they arrange their holidays around mine/organise other care.

Just needed to clarify this

thebody · 06/05/2009 23:49

I told all my parents in writing that I will be shut for two weeks in August and thats all the holiday I am taking.
Ofsted dont tell cms when they can charge or what they can charge.. thats bull shit, its up to the cm and you agree to that in the contract.
my contract says.. cm holiday no charge
cm illness no charge
child holiday full pay
child illness full pay.
I only expect to be paid when I am open and not when I am closed.
She sounds at best dopey and at worst very selfish and unprofessional..

Ripeberry · 06/05/2009 22:13

I would love to have a w/kend away "sans enfants" but we don't have any relatives that are well enough to look after our DDs
But anyway, it would feel VERY strange being without them.

RachieB · 06/05/2009 22:10

Those harping on about, having a holiday without the child, are probably secretly green with envy

we had a honeymoon on our own,for a week when our sons were 8 and 2 ( my parents stayed here with them @ our house)

and we have had various overnighters / weekends away without them too.......

yes we love them dearly ,enjoy family holidays with them / days out etc ...
BUT we, as a couple, deserve time to ourselves and both my sons and parents are happy with this too,as it gives them special time together

OP hope it goes ok with the CM tomorrow

Ripeberry · 06/05/2009 21:44

There are plenty of childminders in my area who can offer spaces at short notice as unfortunately most of us are not full.
All we can do is offer to look for a stand-in childminder, the same would apply if for some reason we could not work due to illness or accident.
Most CMs do try and socialise with others, but some areas are MUCH busier than others.
Also it's good practice to have a policy on what would happen if you (the CM) could not offer care at short notice.
NCMA contracts recomend that the CM has 4 weeks holiday per year, as many have lots of kids on their books and they would NEVER get time off otherwise.

georgimama · 06/05/2009 20:59

To go back to the OP, I'm pretty surprised the CM expects to be paid for her own holidays, as others have said, self employed people don't get paid holiday. I pay my CM 50% retainer for 2 weeks holiday (mine) per year, anything above that I pay in full, but she doesn't charge for her holidays.

If it's in the contract it's going to be hard to re-negotiate now, but I would definitely say (wafting the piece of paper under her nose at the same time) that in view of the fact you arranged your holiday and free child care to fit in with what she told you were her dates, you will not be paying her for those dates as you are now going to have to get paid childcare to cover her actual holiday dates.