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Original poster

new aupair and problems already-help please

59 replies

Totallyfloaty35 · 08/04/2009 17:49

I have an Australian who has been with us just over 2weeks.
I have a problem with the way she speaks to my 2yr old.If dd3 touches her drink(bottled water)an says what this? Aupair says very loudly"ITS MINE,dont touch it,its mine actually" Aupair was putting her own shoes on while sitting on stairs ,dd picked one up to help her put it on(as we do for her) Aupair snapped its my shoe leave it alone.I very calmly said she is just trying to help and removed DD.
Elder dds complained that when they all went to park they couldnt play on anything as they ended up looking after toddler as Aupair sat on a bench and ignored them.Eldest eventually said to her to play with dd3,so she just stood next to the baby swing she was on til dd1 said "well push her then!"
I have said to her we dont speak to dd like that,we explain why she cant do something etc calmly.Aupair also kept telling DD3 she was silly,doing silly things,thats a stupid thing to do,so often that dd1 snapped at her to stop saying her baby sister was silly or she will get a complex.I think that shocked aupair an she hasnt called her silly since(was planning on telling her myself but in a nicer way than dd did).
She is not very pro active,i keep finding her in front of tv
she wont play with dd in garden on trampoline or even push her in toy car,i had to tell her to(i was trying to cook dinner)and she got off garden chair and played with dd3 for 30sec then sat down again.
Im a bit non plussed really,other people have commented on the way she talks as well,Do i give her notice or talk to her again?

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HarrietTheSpy · 08/04/2009 22:10

I wouldn't bother to give her another chance. I would have seen enough to know she had to go immediately, esp if she has sole charge for any period of time.

She may be homesick etc as you say. If you feel really sorry for her, help her find someething else - bar or cafe work maybe?!- which doesn't involve kids as she doesn't seem to have the interest patience empathy etc.

Clio58 · 08/04/2009 21:31

Did you get your au pair through an agency or by doing it yourself? Is there a contract? If you used an agency you should be able to contact them for advice. Nobody should be talking to the kids that way, explain what the situation is and maybe they can have a word with her. If it's a good agency they should be in regular contact with the au pair anyway. On the otherhand, if you got her yourself and there is no contract-get rid as soon as you like, sounds like you'll never see her again anyway. I'd recommend 2 weeks notice if your feeling generous and if she really wants to stay and be an au pair there is nothing stopping her from applying for a new family through a local agency. Good luck, i know how hard it is to find a reliable and trustworthy au pair.

Millarkie · 08/04/2009 19:45

I have had an au pair who needed guidance in how to 'jolly children along' rather than snap at them - and I wrote out a flow chart of 'how to deal with grumpy children' for her and talked her through it - and things improved...BUT she did actually like children and had experience of looking after them.
If she isn't any use at housework and she doesn't 'get' playing with children I would give her notice I'm afraid.

AtheneNoctua · 08/04/2009 19:14

If she was my au pair, I would say to her tomorrow morning that I went to have a talk tomorrow evening. That was she has the day to ponder what it is she is going to have to talk about. Then, tomorrow evening, I would sit down, and talk to her in no uncertain terms. I would tell her this is her last chance. I would remind her she had already had a verbal warning. Then, I would hand her a written warning and I would remind her that if I didn't see a complete turnaround in the next 3 days she would be asked to leave. THAT will get her attention. It might piss her off and make her leave. And if it does then she will have saved you from having to kick her out.

But, obviously, her behaviour is atrocious and completely unacceptable for an au pair. It shoud not be tolerated.

kidowner · 08/04/2009 18:57

You know the answer.

No one in their right mind would keep someone like that.

I have found Turkish, Czech au pairs to be v. good.

I would't trust her with my dds.

cluttercup · 08/04/2009 18:46

Time to lay it on the line - explain exactly what your expectations are and then give her a week to change. Otherwise - goodbye.

Well done on your dc's for showing her how to behave!

Original poster
Totallyfloaty35 · 08/04/2009 18:12

She not very good with housework either,but if aupairs are good with the kids you get over that
.She sits with us for movie night with a huge bowl of sweets,icecream drinks etc and never offers anybody else one,i think thats rude and middle dd complained that aupair never shares so why should she(this when i made her offer her chocolates round)
Im glad of your opinions, thought i was just being sensitive til i said to a mate what do you think of her and mate went very quiet and finally said"bit abrupt isnt she,scary almost"
She has come from such a long way away though and its not easy being in new country with new people,she is an only child and i dont think she even realises how she sounds or is not bothered,she actually sounds like someone at the end of their tether permanently.

OP posts:
Ebb · 08/04/2009 17:56

Honestly? I would get rid! If she talks like that to your children after 2 weeks ( and infront of you, I presume? ), she will only get worse.

Nobody should call a child stupid.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 08/04/2009 17:55

To be honest it sounds like she has no interest in or rapport with children, and that's not something you can make her acquire by a talking to.
I would give her notice tbh. If it's housework she's mainly there for it doesn't matter if she does it grudgingly, but if she's meant to be interacting with your dcs and she doesn't they'll pick up on it.

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