Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au pair woes

35 replies

Millarkie · 03/04/2009 22:25

Our next au pair has just emailed to say that she can't make the start date of early July due to exams (which she previously thought would be over by July) and can't come til mid-July. Current au pair is due to leave end of June. I was expecting to have to cover 1 week maybe, but now it'll be at least 3
Next au pair is a bit of a gamble anyway because she is actually a Uni student from an EU country who is having the last year of her degree in the UK so wants to AP whilst doing her final year degree.
When she first contacted me she said her course would involve one day a week at Uni (30 min drive away) and study at home for the rest of the week, since then she has emailed to say - might be two days and then...might be 3!
At the moment I have some flexibility at work and get home in time for school run 2 days a week but we are having a shake-up at work and I may be asked to work fulltime in order to keep a job (redundancies are threatened).

So, Good points of next AP...
Has got over a year of previous AP experience and good/excellent references from 2 former host families.
Will be tied to this area for a year (although might still leave us for someone nearer the bright lights -we are in the sticks)
Has excellent english.

Worries :-
Have no idea what days/hours her Uni course will need until mid-Sept
Has been a bit flakey with start date
Is now asking a lot about how much vacation she can get and if she can go away for long weekends (her friends are planning trips)
Both my former/current APs have chatted to her by email and both raised concerns about how sociable she is and pointed out that we live in a village (is a train service to the town but then a dark walk to get to the house) and they both think (although our AP job is pretty minimal, about 15 hours a week) that she will have problems doing it and a full-time course.

So, Choices.
Keep going with this AP and find a temp AP for July only.
Keep going with this AP and put kids into after school club for July (problem with that is that my dd has a medical problem which I think they would not be happy about and there are no boys of ds's age in the club at the moment)
Look for other childcarer-type for July.
Umm....have a surprise baby and persuade dh that we need a proper live-in nanny from July (drawback with that one is that although I am pretty circular, I am also pretty sure that I'm not 6 months pregnant).

Oh I don't know - just want to get my thoughts together before I email her back!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Julesnobrain · 03/04/2009 23:56

Firstly they should be applying to you not you to them. So a few tips (which I am happy for you to ignore). One of my AP told me bedroom is a BIG priority so if you have a nice AP bedroom, take a picture of yourself, with current AP (looking smiley) in the bedroom as u lead caption photo. secondly if its in the country, highlighting all the good bits EG, quiet, picturesque plus we give you a car to drive (take photo). I understand if its not in london its harder but where is your nearest town and what could you do to compensate, could you buy them a scooter as you mentioned its a dark walk at night, do you offer them unlimited broadband laptop in room. Am not trying to teach granny to suck eggs so apologies but if you highlight some of the competative extras u provide that may help. Not all AP's want to live in london but most do want a nice room,nice friendly family, broadband, sky tv, laptop etc.

Original poster
Millarkie · 03/04/2009 23:18

Oh you are good, you guys - keeping me on track! Thanks.

My reason for hosting an au pair is primarily so dd can be in her own home after school (3 days a week at present) and as someone to keep the dog company during the day. We have other options but so far the APs have worked out ok.-
Have had a quick look at AP-world - not an awful lot of potentials (we are not in London and like to have a car driver so prefer them over 20yrs).

Ok, am going to sleep on it (or try to) and get tough tomorrow

OP posts:
Daffodingles2 · 03/04/2009 23:05

Absolutely Jules.... not your problem M.

Julesnobrain · 03/04/2009 23:04

sorry can't spell

Julesnobrain · 03/04/2009 23:03

Millarkie - her problem. If you are a nice family and have been candid about the role, what it entails and what her hours will be and she now changes the ground rules that is NOT your problem but HERS. You only have an AP (I am guessing) because you need the child care help not because you wish to house skint students !!. Its a job and and like it or not you are an employer. Would your boss be so tolerate of you or new un tried, un-tested employee trying to change the hours/requirement before they even started?????

Original poster
Millarkie · 03/04/2009 22:54

Thanks too to Jules and Daffo - she has totally great reference from her former au pair jobs which has swayed me a lot I admit...but if I am going to let her down I need to do it whilst she has a good chance of finding another local family. Wouldn't want her jepodising (how on earth do you spell that!) her degree.

OP posts:
Original poster
Millarkie · 03/04/2009 22:51

Hi Pixinanny - she did mention in one of her emails (we have been in contact by email since Jan 1st!) that she couldn't afford to rent somewhere whilst she was studying (hence wanting to AP) but she was finding it difficult to find a host family who were ok with her Uni commitments - Dh and I thought it could work out ok but that was when she said 1 day per week.
Think I might talk it over with current AP tomorrow, but I already get the feeling that she thinks next AP is taking us for a ride .
Think I might need to make a list of 'non-negotiables' and then base my next email on those, so we have a basis of the minimal commitment required.

OP posts:
Daffodingles2 · 03/04/2009 22:49

I'm sure you know my thoughts Millarke.... Any doubts don't do it... If you have to bend over backwards to accomodate her, she is not the AP for you.
Sorry

Julesnobrain · 03/04/2009 22:48

No get a new au pair, you still have plenty of time to find one, its just not worth the compromise, they are here to help you and yes of course you accommodate where you can but I would be v suspicious of one whose testing the boundries before she's even arrived.

PixiNanny · 03/04/2009 22:45

I respect her wish to study (I do after all!) but if she is hired by you to do a job then she can't agree to it and then change her mind as to when she's willing to work. You may be better off finding somebody else if she can't sort out her commitment. Maybe she was just after cheap accomodation?

Swipe left for the next trending thread