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Original poster

cm has told us not to bring ds back!

36 replies

ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 16:52

I am at a bit of a loss what to make of this...
Ds is 16mo and was previously with a lovely cm for 2/3 months from just after his first birthday. He settled there like a dream, had great fun and we were all really happy. Then cm had to stop minding due to her own ds falling ill.
We had 6/7 weeks of GPs/me/dp taking turns to look after ds, till we found - after much effort - another cm a couple of weeks ago. We had 3 days of shortish settling-in sessions: all fine. Last week both dp and I back to work: again, all fine.
Yesterday morning he was cranky and was sick; cm rang me to ask me to pick him up, then called back to say he seemed fine and was now eating ok. I picked him up at his normal time and he was in a very happy mood, she said he'd had a good afternoon.
This morning she again rang to say he was in a bad mood, wanting to be picked up all the time, getting cross when she was paying attention to the other mindees. She asked me to come and get him. When I picked him up I asked her what we could do to help him settle better; she said she didn't know and I should phone her later for a chat. I got home to find she had emailed me about 20mins after I picked him up to say she doesn't think he is settling well and it would be better if we didn't bring him back.
Now, obviously I am biased and pfb! But ds is a very gentle and happy boy - cm was saying this herself up until yesterday. Surely this is just normal settling-in hiccups and shouldn't she be better equipped to help him? What shall we do?
Needless to say this is a nightmare for us for childcare-wise. But most of all I feel so sad for my lovely boy.

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Ripeberry · 04/03/2009 19:12

I do hope she was registered as really she should not have even been minding your child without you being present without a contract or even signed permission forms.
Have you not tried your local childcarelink and actually rung them as not ALL childminders are on the internet.
Hope you find the perfect childminder for you son

LynetteScavo · 04/03/2009 18:16

The CM is fobbing you off, for some reason.

It's a shame your DS is being messed around (and you).

I'm sure it has nothing to do with your DS.
Good luck with finding lovely childcare soon!

hereidrawtheline · 04/03/2009 17:49

dont worry about that, your first CM can always say what a delight he was as they got on so well! This CM sounds rubbish tbh and you are well rid of her I think.

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 17:45

thanks all - yes, you are right, he shouldn't go back there. it seems totally unreasonable to give him the boot after two off days... especially without even a conversation with us.

missymoo, we don't have a contract yet. we have been asking her since last week and she said she was drawing it up and would get it to us asap. suddenly that seems suspicious

will look on the no mindees thread, thanks

I'm now worried that any new cms we see will think we are difficult parents/ he is a troublesome boy as he'll now be on to his third cm at only 16mo!

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chocoholic · 04/03/2009 17:26

I agree with the others, find a new childminder. Settling in varies from child to child but your childminder sounds like she would only be happy if they are happy and smiling all the time. All children have off days no matter how long they have been with you for, especially if they are poorly.

I can't understand why she changed her mind about you taking him if he had been sick. If he has been sick, he has been sick and should go home.

I think your DS will be much better off elsewhere.

nomoreamover · 04/03/2009 17:26

i agree with laurie - sounds like she is using DS as scapegoat for something else. Maybe a more lucrative contract has signed up?

DOn't take it personally - I am sure it has nothing to do with your darling boy - find someone who deserves him!

missymoo2411 · 04/03/2009 17:25

chasing butter flys u r better off out off there have u looked on the thred no mindees lets all be lonly together there r loads of cm s on there who have spaces some may be near u good luck in yr search . ps if u signed a contract have a read and see if she is in breech .

Numberfour · 04/03/2009 17:22

really depends on the baby and the CM as to how long settling in would take.

i would not send DS back. it seems to me that for whatever reason, she no longer wants him and of course no one would want to send their child where they are not wanted - you are certainly not being pfb!

she may have found a "better offer" in respect of another child.

good luck.

ForeverOptimistic · 04/03/2009 17:20

I agree with Laurie. She did you a favour you don't want your child to be with a childminder who obviously doesn't know how to handle children!

She is also very unproffessional, she should have discussed her decision not put it in an email!

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 17:14

I hope you're right, Laurie!

I haven't responded to her yet - we're totally stuck for childcare if he can't go back there, so I'm torn between asking her to try again and getting the hell out of there...

How long would a cm normally expect a 16mo to take to settle in?

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LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 04/03/2009 16:57

she sounds crap tbh and as if she has just changed her mind

bet it's nothing to do with your ds