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Original poster

Play dates and nanny meet ups - am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

30 replies

2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven · 04/03/2009 16:11

I am very lucky in that I have a great nanny who the whole family love dearly. However, she isn't perfect (who is?!) and there a couple of issues which are bugging me at the moment. I am pg with DC3 so there is a possibility I am over-reacting/winding myself up! I've not said anything to my nanny yet - wanted to sound out whether I should or not first!

So - my nanny has been with us for nearly a year now (4 days a week) and has made a couple of very close nanny friends 1 of which is my nct friend's nanny. We all have 2 DCs and the children are well matched in age, particularly the younger 3 (all boys and born within 2 months of each other), and get on well. The older DCs are at their respective nurseries every morning whilst the younger ones do their various activities - some of which are the same. The nannies always meet up after the activities then go off to collect the older ones, do lunch, nap times etc. Then they meet up again in the afternoon with all the DCs. Most weeks it's every afternoon. Now they are all local, nice people, take it in turns to do tea etc so I don't have a problem with any of it individually. It's just it seems alot to see the same people all the time.

This week I have askd my nanny if she could ensure my DC have 1 afternoon a week when they don't have a playdate and they are just with her doing baking/painting/play dough etc. I think it's good for them to have some time where they not being stimulated by other kids, iyswim. She seemed fine with this.

But it doesn't leave much time for them to see other friends. My older DC is not that bothered by the kids the other nannies look after whilst the younger ones are my youngest's best mates! However, my nanny is excellent and I don't want to micro-manage her by setting rules as to how often to see particular friends. Part of me thinks if the kids are happy then I'm happy (and this is what my nct friend thinks, she's not going to mention it to her nanny).

Any thoughts - am I being a mad pg woman?!!

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Original poster
2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven · 04/03/2009 17:11

GreenBlack - that was more where I was coming from but you managed to say it in a nice way! I am concerned about saying "we are paying you to look after the children not sit around chatting to your mates whilst they keep themselves amused" although obviously not in such a blunt manner!! I can't quite work out how to say less playdates with these 2 particular nannies so you have time for playdates with others without it sounding personal.

She was very relaxed and happy to have 1 afternoon a week with just her and kids, not upset at all. I think I will see how she sticks to that over the next 2 weeks. Then we are off skiing and a week after we get back she's off for Easter for a week. Thereafter I can tackle it further I suppose...

OP posts:
GreenBlack · 04/03/2009 16:59

This was an issue with my previous nannies. I eventually realised that, when I said I was happy for nanny to meet up with other nannies, I didn't mean ALL the time. In the end it just felt like I was paying for nanny's social life and the children were just slightly inconvenient handbags to her.

I really do think my children like 1:1 adult attentioin.With my current one I made it clear from outset that I value 1:1 attention, and although variety is good, in general no more than 2 playdates a week and must be local.

Also I personally wouldn't worry about what you would do if you were looking after the kids. You are not a professional, paid nanny with a job description, and thus you should be able to have different expectations about how you and your nanny spend time with your children. That's what being an employer is about.

Having said that, I wouldn't want to upset/annoy nanny by limiting playdates, but to be honest, if she gets upset about fewer playdates, then is she really who you want?

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/03/2009 16:51

It does sound very much like the way things ended up happening when my dses were little. By default, you tend to end up spending the majority of your time with the same group of people - perhaps it's apathy or familiarity - I don't know. But it hasn't stopped my boys being sociable people or making new friendships outside that circle, so I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Original poster
2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven · 04/03/2009 16:20

well that thought did occur to me too. When I was at home on mat leave I did see a couple of friends frequently and their DCs are my older one's best mates! And I did get slightly lazy in seeing other friends as well. However it wasn't every day (more like a couple of times a week) and certainly not twice a day as we did all have other commitments in our lives! I appreciate though that sometimes we all just take the easy option...

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seeker · 04/03/2009 16:15

If you and your friends were SAHMs would you be following the same pattern the nannies are?