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Original poster

To charge ap for *another* ruined item of clothing and trashed iron or not?

158 replies

kittywise · 04/03/2009 10:18

Ok, I've had my AP since Dec. We've had ups and downs and some of you might remember my posts on the subject!
Against all odds it has worked out pretty ok.
She is very dippy and has no common sense but has learned from her many mistakes and she plays really well with the younger children.
She has to leave in April to go on another language course.

Now my dilema is that she has managed to spoil a number of items of clothing by putting them in the tumble drier when she was told again and again that they shouldn't go in. Items like jumpers, fleeces and tracksuit bottoms. The first couple of times I patiently explained and then started to get cross. She actiully said to me that she would have been crosser than me in the same situation!!

Anyway yesterday she comes to me saying the the hot iron must have fallen into the basket underneath the ironing board which contains pile of clothes waiting to be ironed.
She says she hadn't noticed that it had fallen. She had turned it off and gone upstairs ( how can you not notice that the iron is no longer on the ironing board?)

Consequently the iron has ruined 2 items of clothing, I'm amazed that it was only 2, one expensive gap fleece, and of course the iron is covered in burnt plastic and is now unusable. Not to mention the potential dire consequences of burning clothes.
There is a huge tank of heating oil in the basement where all the laundry stuff is. I can't begin to contemplate what would have happened to us if a fire had started down there

Now I am pissed off, it was so so careless and dangerous of her and I am faced with replacing yet more clothing.

I want to ask her to contribute towards the cost of a new fleece and say that next time I will ask her to pay the full amount for any items that need replacing because she has shrunk, burnt etc them.

What do you think? What would you do in this circ?

Ta

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nannyL · 05/03/2009 19:18

i think its unfair

as a nanny no matter what i broke i wouldnt expect to be billed if it was a genuine accident (and im sure the iron didnt fall off on purpose)

I have broken... the microwave plate when the new microwave was less than 2 weeks old

in the farm house they had had a huge slate floor laid (but not sealed) and i tub of cream fell out the fridge and made an oil stain that will never ever ever come out of the slate.

have washed and shrunk a wool blanket

dropped a whole stack of plates and 3/8 broke

all by accident + there must be lots more little things.

if you want £ back claim on your home insurance

i agree it cant be legal to take out of your au pairs wages.

SnowlightMcKenzie · 05/03/2009 19:11

kittywise What she did was potentially dangerous, but what are you trying to achieve? Compensation, a lesson so she won't do it again, revenge?

I know you are frustrated but people aren't 'careless' on purpose. I know an admin person who was fantastic and on the ball whenever challenges presented themselves, but cocked up the post and stuffing envelopes. Her brain just couldn't cope with the mundane-ness of it.

Her line manager wouldn't let her be promoted out of the position until she got it consistently right. She tried very hard but just couldn't do it, although she took over my web design work in her lunch hour and became a wizz at that.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that your actions won't improve things for either you or her. She'll keep shrinking things and you'll keep deducting and you'll both become miserable. Give her jobs she CAN do or hire someone else. Just because you think it ios easy doesn't mean it is for everyone.

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 19:05

totally, that's awful for you, so glad you are happy with your new AP

It's not a question that she can't iron, she can, perfectly well. What happened was sheer carelessness . I know it was an accident and all that but it was one that was completely and utterly avoidable if a little care and attention had been taken.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 18:48

snowlight,are you saying you think I am expecting too much that she should notice that she has knocked a hot iron into basket of clothing???

Is it too much to ask after repeated instruction that she should not put tracksuit bottoms and jumpers into a tumble drier?
Then you have low expectations indeed.

She is not a dippy teenager, she is 25, but honest to god my kids would not do something so stupid.
it is about not respecting my things enough to pay proper attentiopn to what she is doing.

If you read any of my earlier posts you will see that she said that if someone had done similar things to her clothes then she would have been angrier than I was.

She knows that putting the wrong clothes into the drier is only due to carelessness, she has said so.
She knows what clothes must go on the line.
There is no grey area here.
The reason she knows is because I have very patiently allowed her to make mistakes again and again and have gently (at first) pointed out that this is a tracksuit bottom and then later "this is a tracksuit bottom and this is a jumper' and then later ' this is a tracksuit bottom and this is a jumper and they have all shrunk again, they must not go in the drier' etc etc etc etc etc.

No I won't do the job myself, I have chosen to have someone else to it and give them money.
Sorting the washing is a job a monkey could do.
I am hardly expecting too much here.
It's basic housework

OP posts:
Totallyfloaty35 · 05/03/2009 18:41

Well dont think i "said" anything to her,i was to busy jumping up and down screaming.She left shortly after i found my 3yr old in the lounge watching horror movies on her own at 1am,Aupair next door on computer,once again she hadnt noticed.
Not sure about racial generalising,but always had bad experiences with my German aupairs,but current one is fab,so yes people just people.
Also i think if washing accidents keep happening then a contribution is fare.Im sure that if you continued to make expensive mistakes at work losing your boss money you would soon be fired.But also think a different chore should be assigned or a lower pocket money as you send out the ironing so she does not do it.

SnowlightMcKenzie · 05/03/2009 18:19

I think it is unnecessarily mean. If you don't want a dippy teenager then hire a nanny.

She didn't do it on purpose. She doesn't have professional indemnity insurance.

Expect from your Au Pair a level they are capable. If not up to your standards re-advertise.

Fibonacci · 05/03/2009 18:11

Am I the only person who thinks it is wrong to deduct pay from an au pair when they have an accident?

That's what insurance is for.

I had a cleaner once who shrunk dh's cashmere jumper by washing it in a hot wash but I would not have dreamed of asking her to pay for it.

My nanny had a small accident in my car once which resulted in an expensive repair. She claimed it wasn't her fault (but of course the dc were the only witnesses) and we decided to pay for the repair rather than lose our no claims bonus. Would not have dreamed of asking her to chip in.

Sort the washing yourself in future if you can't trust her to get it right.

I made an expensive mistake in my first job which cost my employer thousands of pounds, but it wasn't deducted from my pay packet.

You both learn from the experience and move on.

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 18:08

She cooks passable Thai food once a week. If it were the first item of ruined clothing then it would not be ok to charge. But I think that the only way she is going to take care of our things is if she has to contribute towards replacing the things she has damaged.

She's not actually an employee though, what she gets is pocket money, not wages.

buda , that sounds fab. Which place did you enjoy the most?

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Podrick · 05/03/2009 17:23

I would ban her from washing and ironing and give her a different chore instead! I know where you are coming from about the fine but I don't think it is reasonable - a good approach for a child but perhaps not for an employee.

If she can cook fab thai food I would happily do the washing myself!

Buda · 05/03/2009 17:17

Thanks kittywise. We lived in Bangkok for almost 3 years, Vietnam for 6 and Bulgaria for 3.

Lawks - sorry if you find generalising not to your taste but in some instances some traits can be attributed to a race. I have always found Thais (and Asians in general to be honest) much more warm and friendly than some European nationalities. Obv not all but the vast majority.

Lawks · 05/03/2009 17:06

I don't mean to be antagonistic. I just find that massive racial steriotypes jarr. Thai people are not all warm, lovely and adore children. They are people. Same as any other country full of people.

I will admit that the vast majority of Thai people I have met have indeed been warm, lovely and have made a big fuss of my children

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 16:34

buda, I think that was a perfectly sound opinion, based on obviously extensive experience

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Buda · 05/03/2009 15:43

All of who Lawks - Thais or Bulgarians?

The vast majority of the Thais I have come across do love children and are warm and kind people. Thailand is known as the land of smiles.

Lawks · 05/03/2009 15:33

What, all of them Buda?

Buda · 05/03/2009 12:31

Thais are lovely warm people. They love children generally and are great with them. The giggling in embarrassment. Hard to get used to though.

Mind you easier than getting used to the fact that Bulgarians shake their head for yes and nod for no!!!!

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 12:25

Yes well ALL tracksuit bottoms that have ever gone in the drier have shrunk, without exception and it doesn't matter what make they are.
I find that fleece tops shrink as well, not as much but they do.

I told her a millions times only to put cotton in the drier just to be on the safe side. We went through lessons on what cotton is ffs. Went through all the laundry, me getting her to tell me what things could go in the drier.
She is mostly ok with that now, but she is careless and absent minded and still puts tracksuit bottoms in there sometimes.

Buda, yes she is Thai and tbh I would happily have another Thai AP . The ones I have met, for example if her friends come to call, have been very sweet natured and gentle. Very good with the children, with lots of laughter.
I don't want to be had up for making sweeping statements about Thai people, but all you can go on is your experience. However, the giggling whenever I speak to her about anything really is slightly annoying. Sometimes I have to stop her middle giggle and make sure she is really listening to me

OP posts:
warthog · 05/03/2009 07:06

i put fleeces in the tumble dryer all the time.

but the iron thing is unbelievable. i would go ballistic.

Lawks · 05/03/2009 06:54

You can't ruin fleeces and tracksuit pants by putting them in the tumble dryer, surely?!

Buda · 05/03/2009 06:35

kittywise - do i remember correctly that your ap is Thai? If so - they nod and smile when they are embarrassed. Used to drive me mad when we lived in Asia!

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 06:28

Gosh, yes what did you say?

I managed to find a replacement fleece on ebay for £10, so ap is very pleased that it didn't cost £20!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 04/03/2009 23:37

Totallyfloaty What did you do/say??

Totallyfloaty35 · 04/03/2009 23:33

I would charge her a tenner.
We once had a rubbish aupair who almost burnt dd to death in her bed. We were out,dd in bed,she was about 6 yrs old at the time,she wanted a night light on,so aupair put desk lamp against the bed,very close to duvet and then went off to her room.She didnt check on her again,when we got home i could smell burning,the duvet had started to catch light.It was so lucky we had came home at that point or house would have burnt down with my dd first to go.Still makes me go cold thinking about it

Original poster
kittywise · 04/03/2009 16:21

Well. her English is pretty good, BUT I have said to her that if she nods and smiles and says yes then I assume she has understood and that I can't help her if she doesn't understand.

The positives outweigh the negs though.

She has to leave us in April and the dc's will be very sad.

OP posts:
HarrietTheSpy · 04/03/2009 15:25

I would be a lot more worried about her judgement than the shirt.My question would be is too daft to carry on working for us, can I let her anywhere near the kids. But this is how my warped mind works.

MGMidget · 04/03/2009 13:52

Not sure legally if you can deduct pay for that reason - I think there are strict rules on making deductions from an employees salary so I guess that would apply to au pairs too. However, if she's happy enough to pay up it probably won't become an issue.

How good is her English - I'd be worried at her nodding and smiling to everything you say! Does she really understand???

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