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Original poster

To charge ap for *another* ruined item of clothing and trashed iron or not?

158 replies

kittywise · 04/03/2009 10:18

Ok, I've had my AP since Dec. We've had ups and downs and some of you might remember my posts on the subject!
Against all odds it has worked out pretty ok.
She is very dippy and has no common sense but has learned from her many mistakes and she plays really well with the younger children.
She has to leave in April to go on another language course.

Now my dilema is that she has managed to spoil a number of items of clothing by putting them in the tumble drier when she was told again and again that they shouldn't go in. Items like jumpers, fleeces and tracksuit bottoms. The first couple of times I patiently explained and then started to get cross. She actiully said to me that she would have been crosser than me in the same situation!!

Anyway yesterday she comes to me saying the the hot iron must have fallen into the basket underneath the ironing board which contains pile of clothes waiting to be ironed.
She says she hadn't noticed that it had fallen. She had turned it off and gone upstairs ( how can you not notice that the iron is no longer on the ironing board?)

Consequently the iron has ruined 2 items of clothing, I'm amazed that it was only 2, one expensive gap fleece, and of course the iron is covered in burnt plastic and is now unusable. Not to mention the potential dire consequences of burning clothes.
There is a huge tank of heating oil in the basement where all the laundry stuff is. I can't begin to contemplate what would have happened to us if a fire had started down there

Now I am pissed off, it was so so careless and dangerous of her and I am faced with replacing yet more clothing.

I want to ask her to contribute towards the cost of a new fleece and say that next time I will ask her to pay the full amount for any items that need replacing because she has shrunk, burnt etc them.

What do you think? What would you do in this circ?

Ta

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mrsturnip · 05/03/2009 22:59

ok kittywise that makes no sense. So she knew an item shouldn't go in but she put it in anyway??? Of course she didn't. You're the employer, she's the employee - you can phrase the question in such a way that she has no choice but to agree with you (especially as she's thai- which if it's the same as Japan there is no way someone can say 'no' - yes very often means no in Japan).

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:57

chippingin are you illiterate?

OP posts:
Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:56

Ha ha desi the English 'workers I have come across and I use the term workers very loosely are indolent. That is simply my experience.
I have spent a long time explaining the clothes to her. She has no need to understand the labels We have sat together sorting washing, discussing what is cotton, what is wool, what is nylon. I have got her to feel the fabrics, tell me whether she thinks they should go. I have asked her please to come to me if she is unsure.

She fully admits that she KNOWS that a certain item shouldn't have gone in the drier but she put it in.

I don't mind mistakes but doing the same thing over and over is NOT a mistake.

I chose her because she replied to my ad and seemed nice, she laso stretched the truth about her experience working in a house and bring with children. She lead me to believe she had had experience. Once she was here and I dug a little deeper it turns out her family have always had maids, she never had to do any house work ever, nor had she looked after small children.

But she has, on the whole been ok, against all odds.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 05/03/2009 22:55

Kittywise it does it mean that my ap is a monkey or any other animal

mrsturnip · 05/03/2009 22:53

Desi makes a good point. I went to Japan quite capable of cooking. My first visit to a supermarket to stock up I had no idea how to cook anything on the shelves (cooking equipment different too) and couldn't read any instructions.

Pannacotta · 05/03/2009 22:51

But if she keeps cocking it up isnt it easier to do it yourself (rather than deducting wages)?
As she does extra time with your DCs (as you said earlier), then surely you can accept that washing/ironing is not her forte.

And yes it is basic housework but lots of people do struggle with it, my DH is very intelligent but would really struggle to so all the washing in our household.

mrsturnip · 05/03/2009 22:51

I wouldn't charge her for a fleece. She's not paid enough.

Agree completely with lisalisa.

If you're going to start deducting wages give her a final written warning, so she at least has the chance to leave or something.

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:49

cannot do the task it does it mean that my ap is a monkey or any other animal.

should read ; cannot do the task it does NOT mean that my ap is a monkey or any other animal.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 05/03/2009 22:48

The bottom line is, Kitty, that you've chosen to employ someone from faraway climes, for reasons of your own, but no doubt to do with cost ... and you expect her to understand UK laundry labels.

Do you speak a single word of her language? I doubt it.

If you don't want your precious clothing ruined, segretate them from the standard wash, and do it yourself.

Or employ an English speaking servant.

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:46

or perhaps I should explain the sentence to you as you don't seem to understand. You have taken me literally I see.

"a monkey could do it" actually means that it is an incredibly simple task that requires little or no skill, can be learned and executed easily without the need for talent or intelligence.
Of course that does not mean that a person with talent and intelligence cannot do the task it does it mean that my ap is a monkey or any other animal.
It means that the task is simple, that I am not requiring skills she could not possibly possess or easily learn. It is basic housework.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 05/03/2009 22:45

There's some in Bristol Zoo.

Thailand seems a bit far.

ChippingIn · 05/03/2009 22:45

kittywise - you 'wouldn't cope' with someone like nannyl, because she wouldn't take your crap. If you think your AP is less able to do things than a monkey () then why the hell do you trust her with your kids??

JFly · 05/03/2009 22:43

If I had a dime for all the things monkeys could do that I pay people to do.... Damn, I should get me a monkey.

letswiggle · 05/03/2009 22:42

Maybe do something more constructive. I had a cleaner once who kept shrinking jumpers by putting them in the machine. I started giving her regular "exams" on the labels in the clothes, and told her how much they cost when they got shrunk, so she knew why I was cross. I was much richer than her though, and would not have actually asked for money. I just wanted her to realise that our jumpers were not all disposable items. It did work. I think the main problem was that she was from a hot country and had never worn or handled wool. Your ap has probably never seen a drier before so is starting from total unfamiliarity.

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:39

Desiderata, you know of any locally then?

OP posts:
Desiderata · 05/03/2009 22:37

'sorting the washing is a job a monkey could do ...'

Then employ a monkey, dear.

That would be much cheaper all round, wouldn't it?

Tiramissu · 05/03/2009 22:35

ChippingIn,
only 1.
Come on , we are getting curious

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:30

pretty bad

OP posts:
lisalisa · 05/03/2009 22:29

I have to say I would never do this and I have had quite a lot of breakages and shrinkages. My last au pair smashed 2 glass jugs that cost £25 each and all I was concerned about was not hurting her feelings or embarrassing her. To embarrass someone in public ( i.e. in front of any others like the children ) is far worse than having to replace items. Also , don't forget, your au pair is in a vulnerable and weaker position than you living in your house and therefore I at least feel we have a duty as ap emplyers to take special care not to offend or shame them. I use the word "shame" deliberately as I know the temptation to slip into curt or unpleasant language can be great where you have a young woman who seemingly can't or won't understand how teh house works and why you mustn't do X and Y and must do A and B.

i speak from a position of knowledge as I have been an ap and nanny and marvel at my boss' ability to tolerate my coplete inability to clean ( I really and truly did not know how to mop floors or properly clean toilets let alone keep running lists of what the household needs or remember that little johnny aged 8 doesn't like the thomas duvet cover as its too babyish). I only learnt these skills after getting married.

So I think most aps would be in same postion - many are uni students or just graduated and really don't knwo the finer points of washing etc and you do have to be patient.

Even given that you had explained numerous times i still think that to dedcut money is cruel. Yes, cruel. It is humiliating and treats your ap in a subservient manner.

If you had made the same mistake at work time adn time again would you feel motivated not to by a wage deduction? Surely you would just fgeel humiliated and undervalued?

Even if you can answer that you would be motivated it is still wrong simply from the balance of power point - you hold all the cards being her employer and the provider of her income, food and roof over her head. I feel you are taking advantage of this by deducting money .

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:29

and I wouldn't cope with someone like nannyL because for someone who is paid nanny's wages she shows scant regard for other people's property.
I would want someone who didn't break my things and think it was alright.
For nanny's wages I would want someone with a more professional attitude.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 05/03/2009 22:28

Is it really, really bad MN etiquette to bring up something someone has said on another thread that kind of makes a mockery of their point of view???? On a scale of 1-10 how bad it is???

Original poster
kittywise · 05/03/2009 22:26

I think you ladies should go into fiction writing, you are very good at it.

FYI she is trying her best to alter her course dates so that she can stay until November because she wants to.

OP posts:
herbietea · 05/03/2009 22:17

This reply has been deleted

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SnowlightMcKenzie · 05/03/2009 22:14

'herbietea No, sorry she should blooming well do what she's been told to do/not to to in MY HOUSE and that's all there is to it.'

Poor girl! How happy her life must be atm

Tiramissu · 05/03/2009 22:14

Yes, tbh i imagine her talking to that poor girl and i feel so

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