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Original poster

To charge ap for *another* ruined item of clothing and trashed iron or not?

158 replies

kittywise · 04/03/2009 10:18

Ok, I've had my AP since Dec. We've had ups and downs and some of you might remember my posts on the subject!
Against all odds it has worked out pretty ok.
She is very dippy and has no common sense but has learned from her many mistakes and she plays really well with the younger children.
She has to leave in April to go on another language course.

Now my dilema is that she has managed to spoil a number of items of clothing by putting them in the tumble drier when she was told again and again that they shouldn't go in. Items like jumpers, fleeces and tracksuit bottoms. The first couple of times I patiently explained and then started to get cross. She actiully said to me that she would have been crosser than me in the same situation!!

Anyway yesterday she comes to me saying the the hot iron must have fallen into the basket underneath the ironing board which contains pile of clothes waiting to be ironed.
She says she hadn't noticed that it had fallen. She had turned it off and gone upstairs ( how can you not notice that the iron is no longer on the ironing board?)

Consequently the iron has ruined 2 items of clothing, I'm amazed that it was only 2, one expensive gap fleece, and of course the iron is covered in burnt plastic and is now unusable. Not to mention the potential dire consequences of burning clothes.
There is a huge tank of heating oil in the basement where all the laundry stuff is. I can't begin to contemplate what would have happened to us if a fire had started down there

Now I am pissed off, it was so so careless and dangerous of her and I am faced with replacing yet more clothing.

I want to ask her to contribute towards the cost of a new fleece and say that next time I will ask her to pay the full amount for any items that need replacing because she has shrunk, burnt etc them.

What do you think? What would you do in this circ?

Ta

OP posts:
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ComeOVeneer · 06/03/2009 14:03

Kittywise - how many hours a week does your au pair do?

Tiramissu · 06/03/2009 13:56

No i am not talking crap. And stop talking to everyone who disagrees with you on this tone. Or are you used to speak to people on this tone?

You are the one who talks crap because you constantly contradict yourself. You said you dont know the regulations and you dont care. Now you are saying that you know them.

NutterlyUts · 06/03/2009 13:53

Oh Kittywise you really need to give it a rest accusing people of making up stories or choosing to misread your posts (posts, I'd like to point out are in black and white for EVERYONE to read) if they don't agree with you.

If it was just one person coming to these conclusions you could argue they were misunderstanding you, but as so many people are, I think its pretty safe to say that your posts do come across as they are being taken, not that people are drawing "such a nasty and frankly stupid conclusion".

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 13:50

oh dear me Tiramissu, you are talking crap. You have no idea what she is paid, what jobs she does, what hours she does, how much other help I have blah blah blah,

She does no more than she should based on things I have discussed with ap agencies.And no they never mentioned only ironing children's clothes, maybe there is a clause somewhere, but I've searched and searched and can't find one. keep on making things up if you like, not good for the strength of your non argument though.

OP posts:
Tiramissu · 06/03/2009 13:47

actually i meant to type the symbol not the [wink

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 13:45

The point is you have read a post of mine and made up what it meant. If you had bothered to read a few posts back and seen my conversation with someone else then you wouldn't have drawn such a nasty and frankly stupid conclusion.
Or, perhaps you did indeed read all the posts but were not able to understand them.
Or perhaps it was both, you didn't read and you didn't understand.

Either way your post bore so little relation to anything that had been discussed I that actually thought you were talking about a different topic entirely.

OP posts:
Tiramissu · 06/03/2009 13:45

'I don't know what the rules are officiallybut tbh i don't care much either'

Yes, we can see that

And you seem to ignore the comment of Ingles2. You dont like much regulations, do you?

I ve just read that you have 6 children. So this girl has to help looking after 6 children, cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking your thai dinner and everything for £60 per week. And you deduct £10 from that?? And you are complaining aswell?

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 13:40

nutterly you are telling stories again

OP posts:
NutterlyUts · 06/03/2009 13:01

I am not the only person on the thread with similar views throughout the thread, so unless the whole of MN is making up stories today, then I think it says something about how you come across in your posts.

And for the record "a fantastic room and bathroom in a fantasiic house and garden" and being paid over the odds means Jack Shit if your employer doesn't respect you, which is the whole tone of this thread.

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 12:45

nutterly, grow up and stop writing stories . You have so badly misunderstood what I wrote I find it hard to believe that anyone reading English could read what you read and draw the conclusion you did.

She wants to be here.
She is paid over the odds
She has a fantastic room and bathroom in a fantasiic house and garden.

She is here because she replied to my ad and wanted to come. She wanted to live with an English family. She was very well aware of what I needed help with.

I don't care where my ap's come from as long as they are good.

OP posts:
NutterlyUts · 06/03/2009 12:31

By kittywise on Fri 06-Mar-09 11:34:06
I don't what the rules are officially but thb I don't much care either!!!

What a hideous attitude. Your poor AP. I would surmise from reading this thread you are one of those hideous people who believe if you pay someone to do something you then own their soul and they should do everything you say forever more as they should be grateful you pay them!

You pay an AP (or gardener, or whatever other home help you want to choose) for their help, not the right to own them. I thought this attitude died out in the 1800s with the abolition of slavery acts of parliment, but clearly its alive and well in your house!!

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 11:38

sorry typos still bad today, right off to the garden

OP posts:
hifi · 06/03/2009 11:35

thanks.

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 11:34

lawks, to night is Thai dinner night here. (yum)

OP posts:
Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 11:34

hifi, I used gumtree, it's a great website. There is a school here where many Thai people come to brush up on the English.
I don't what the rules are officially but thb I don't much care either!!!

OP posts:
Lawks · 06/03/2009 11:34

This thread is making me fancy a Thai takeaway.

hifi · 06/03/2009 11:31

did you get your ap thru normal channels or is it different for thais? i am interested in ap when we have our next child and love thais.

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 11:23

hang on a min I do cook meals everyday though. On Friday I cook 2 meals on the other days I cook three. That IS everyday.
Everyday of the week I cook fresh meals
I cook fresh meals everyday of the week.
Any other wording make it simpler for you?

OP posts:
Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 11:21

Alright then I cook 20 meals a week from, scratch, the ap cooks 1, hardly important. The fact is I cook fresh food for my dp and children three times a day everyday of the week apart from one evening when the ap had offered to 'cook'.
Hardly a misleading statement

You are clutching at straws

OP posts:
herbietea · 06/03/2009 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
kittywise · 06/03/2009 10:34

That's right snowlight, I am responsible for ensuring that it is done as well as doing it myself.

I have decided not to deduct.

Chippingin, you have a chip. If you feel inferior sorry about that but that isn't my fault But perhaps it is something you have extrapolated?.
My area is the house and children, to cook meals everyday, to organise the house and jobs that need doing. My house is too big for me to do it all myself you see and spend any time with my kids.

I have chosen to have 6 children because I knew I could have the help. So the amount of work I actually do is the same as someone with fewer children and a smaller house.

Having a large house and garden that requires help to be brought in does not make me a bad person, but some people do get angry that I have what I have.

I can't be certain,` but I would guess I have more to do in the house than you. I have more to do and organise domestically than any other family I happen to know simply because I have a large house and garden and a lot of children.

It's not a very complicated concept chippingin...
I do more than most women I know, there is a lot of work to be done here.
Doesn't make me supermum, woman whatever.
Just makes me me doing and organising all the things that need to be organised and done
You seem to have issues.

Yes my slave ap is dying to leave, she has such a shit time that she is desperately trying to change her course so that she can extend her stay

Ingles, I don't use agencies, I use gumtree I have found it to be much much better. It is easier to put in an ad saying what you would like help with, that way when someone replies to the ad it is because they are ok with that. Although I must say I have never come across this in what I have read that is not to say it doesn't exist.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 06/03/2009 09:51

Apologies for having to leave so abruptly last night, vomiting 3 year old...

ChippingIn · 06/03/2009 09:48

Kittywise - so it's not only me you disagree with, but the dictionary as well???

By kittywise on Thu 05-Mar-09 23:07:00
chipping, just furiously typed words, not an inability to read and comprehend.

il·lit·er·ate (-ltr-t)
adj.

a. Unable to read and write. b. Having little or no formal education.
a. Marked by inferiority to an expected standard of familiarity with language and literature. b. Violating prescribed standards of speech or writing.
  1. Ignorant of the fundamentals of a given art or branch of knowledge: musically illiterate. See Usage Note at literate.

*By kittywise on Thu 05-Mar-09 23:12:22
That's right, it's great to be able to afford to have help in the home. I'm so lucky and glad I don't have to do all the housework, lucky me.

chipping doesn't read posts properly and extrapolates*

ex·trap·o·late (k-strp-lt)
v. ex·trap·o·lat·ed, ex·trap·o·lat·ing, ex·trap·o·lates
v.tr.

  1. To infer or estimate by extending or projecting known information.

*By kittywise on Wed 04-Mar-09 13:48:23
I do everything that is tradtionally the female role.
I do all laundry, cleaning, ironing, cooking etc
Every morning I cook dp a cooked breakfast , get the 6 kids ready and take them to school for 9.50.
I am responsible for everything to do with the children eg school, baths, parents evening, food, changing nappies.

I do the school runs, but dp does the playdate runs.

He deals with all:
bills
house repairs
cars
rubbish day
He pays for children's clothes
He pays for all food
(END)*

So which bit exactly was extrapolated??

There is an awful lot of I I I in there Kitty - not a mention of your slave AP. Was your intention to make all the other wives feel inadequate for not achieving all of this themselves???

*By kittywise on Thu 05-Mar-09 23:05:52
ha ha chippingin I do do all of those things!
She is not the only one. She couldn't possible manage all the laundry by herself, that's ridiculous. I pay her to do some of it.
You learn to read posts properly instead of inventing things.

I do the laundry dp doesn't. I think it's quite traditional for women to get help with the housework.

No points for you there chippingin, try harder. *

Not quite the same as....

"No I won't do the job myself, I have chosen to have someone else to it and give them money"

PMSL - if you say I do all of those things, it is assumed you actually DO all of those things, not just organise your AP to do them.

No points for me? HA HA HA I am not the one claiming to be superwife, supermum and deducting money from an AP who does ALL the jobs I can't be arsed doing, then claiming to do them myself. What a hypocrite you are.

ingles2 · 06/03/2009 08:50

aupair world even says something similar

ingles2 · 06/03/2009 08:48

Kitty I was always told by agencies that AP's shouldn't be doing, the parents ironing, cleaning windows, spring cleaning or washing cars.
My contract said you can ask them to do your ironing but it must be paid extra.

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