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Original poster

Nanny crisis - please help (very long)!!!!!!!!

105 replies

NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 17:30

Namechanged but am a very regular poster on both this board and others amongst the Mumsnet winds.

I have 3 DC's and we have had our current nanny for 4 months. Children are aged 8, 2.5, and not quite 1. Nanny has generally been great, I come home to find a spotless house, nanny diary with balanced meals listed and all children eating well, happy, and normally reading books together.

I came home today from work about 2 hours early (which I never do) to hear my 8-year-old crying in his room with the door locked (his room is on ground floor). We have a very old house whereby doors can only be locked with big rusty keys hung above fireplace that we NEVER use. I walked into kitchen where nanny was force-feeding my 2.5-year-old a massive plate of mashed potato and nothing else. When I say force-feeding, I mean by daughter was strapped into her high chair, nanny had one hand opening her mouth, other hand with spoon shoving it in.

I promptly said, "Nanny, what on EARTH are you doing? Why is DS locked in his room and STOP doing that with DD1" whereby she looked horrified, stood up, went to lounge and got her bag, and left WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.

I took DD1 out of chair, cleaned her up and calmed her down, let out DS who said Nanny had her boyfriend over that day and the children were supposed to play in DS's room quietly. He said DD2 was crying, he went to get Nanny, Nanny locked him in the room, shouted and swore, dropped 2 DD's in their rooms, and he hadn't seen her since then.

On the kitchen side was the nanny diary where I saw she had already listed DD as having eaten 'Mashed potato - all, Chicken - all, Green beans - all'.

DS is generally a shy boy but he doesn't make up many tales and the fact she just left with absolutely no conversation whatsoever has me believing him. Where do I go to report this, I have called/texted/emailed nanny and had no reply (naturally). I have canceled our direct debit into her account, we found her privately and not through an agency. I am very tempted to contact her previous references and inform them of this to warn potential other employers.

Who do I ring? Police?

OP posts:
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AngelNanny · 23/02/2009 21:37

Call police! they may have had reports about her before of similar incidents.

Call NSPCC and OFSTED even if she isn't registered!

Call all these people even if they only offer you advise!!!!! I cannot stress enough

Call all her past references you have.

Something needs to be done - she could leave this job off her C.V and make an excuse for why she wasn't working for 4months + (e.g studying, travelling, not finding right job etc.) this could then lead her to getting another new nanny job and they won't be ringing you for a reference as 'she never worked for you' IYSWIM. I could happen to other people.

How awful for you and your children especially.

Please keep us updated.

p.s where abouts do you live - need to know if this nanny is in any of our areas to be aware.

Kindest Regards

nannynick · 23/02/2009 19:55

Not sure any of the authorities can do anything. This is why all childcarers will eventually be registered if working in England.
You could have a chat with your local social services early years team. Dont call their emergency number as a child isn't in immediate danger. If you can't locate their office number, call Childrens Information Service who will know it.
Why did she just leave? Seems odd to me for her not to want to give her side of the story, as it were.
Im not a fan of nanny diaries. As in this case, it does not tell the truth. Daily diaries in nursery can be the same - prepared in advance, not accurate etc.
Its good that you arrived home unanounced, if you haden't you wouldn't have known. Sorry its happened, not all nannies are like this.
When you were interviewing, was there anything that would have indicated this kind of future behaviour?

willowthewispa · 23/02/2009 19:55

I would call Ofsted - even if she isn't registered now, I think in the near future most of all nannies are going to have to be and hopefully Ofsted will flag this up against her name if she does try.

Her behaviour is unbelievable - even a nanny who maybe isn't "great" in terms of being really creative/organised/affectionate should at least be able to care for children with basic humanity! Maybe she is used to little ones being easy to control (or ignore), sleeping and not being able to tell, and couldn't cope with having an older one at home all day messing up her plans . Do you know any other nannies or mums who go to the same toddler groups as her?

Poor you, and your children. Maybe think about using an agency next time? At least then the nanny is CRB checked, may be well known to them, and they could probably provide a temp if things don't work out.

xfabba · 23/02/2009 19:37

I thought you couldn't crb check a nanny - only nanny agencies etc can request it.

I was toying with getting a nanny last year and didn't (continued to use nursery) for a very similar reason - I saw a local familly's twins out with their nanny. I had spoken to the nanny a few times at toddler groups, she'd told me how great she was, how the family couldn't live without her, best nanny in town etc. I thought she was a bit full of herself but seemed to look after the twins well at the toddler groups, park etc. Anyway, I had the day off and was in M&S cafe studying for an exam, she couldn't see me as she was tucked in a booth. I witnessed her, with a friend, forcefeeding the twins (8 months, so must have only just been eating solid food), swearing at them because they were gagging and spitting it back out, saying to friend "if these f*ing kids don't hurry up and eat so we can go and do X I'm going to effing kill them", "I'm not in the mood for this shit today" etc etc and when she had finally forced some food in, she put them in their double buggy and turned the pushchair to the wall, pushing it right up against it so they were hemmed in and went and got coffees for her and friend. They then sat there for 20 mins or so.

I was shocked and horrified, but to cap it off, I then heard her call the mother at work and tell her that the children were fine, what a lovely time they were having etc.Her whole voice changed - it was creepy.

I know these are (hopefully) odd exceptions but, tbh, it put me off for life I think. I really hope that nannies that come through agencies are better than this in case I ever need to use one.

Supernanny19 · 23/02/2009 19:23

Im gob-smacked !! thats terrible..did you do a CRB check on her when she started?
Where are you based?
and wherever you found her post an ADD IN THE NANNY SECTION WARNING PARENTS.

hth

lindseyfox · 23/02/2009 19:22

I would def ring the police to report this as it should then flag up on a future CRB check.

I doubt this is the first or the last time she would do something like this. Maybe she has just never been caught before hence good references. Had you not caught her today you would have continued to think fab nanny etc.

Please dont let this put you off having a future nanny, sadly in every profession there are bad eggs. (that is my polite version of what I really want to call her!)

this is really awful for your children and think maybe when you have a new nanny could you spend the first couple of days with the nanny more for the childrens peace of mind.

iheartdusty · 23/02/2009 18:42

Might it be worth also informing the college where she qualified? As you said she is 4 years qualified I thought she might still be quoting them as a reference.

what an awful experience. Hopefully you and the DCs will be able to put it behind you soon and settle down with someone lovely to take care of them.

2pt4kids · 23/02/2009 18:30

How do your younger children eat at weekends with you?
If they eat well and happily then it would point to it being a one off for whatever reason.
If not, then worst case scenario could be that she is ok once your eldest is home from school but has been not great with the younger two all along

I think its good for all of you that you've taken the week off to be with them. I'd probbaly do the same.

Do let us know what happens if you get in touch with the police or previous referees wont you?

nannyL · 23/02/2009 18:24

OMG that is horrific

what a nightmare

you can obviously not trust this person to look after your DC anymore...

not sure the police could actually do anything, could they?

cant imagine why anyone would lock an 8 year old in their bedroom

how long has she been working for you?...

is there a reason why your 2.5 year old was eating without the other siblings? I cant see why a 1, 2.5 and 8 year old couldnt eat chicken mash and veg together at the table
(It wouldnt even occur to me not to feed my charges the same meal at the same time, together at the table)

feeling sick for you.

Do you honestly think it was a one off (not acceptable either even as a one off of course) OR has she done anything like this before? Maybe your 8 year old could enlighten you on this?

I think you should call all your local nanny agencies as she will probabaly be using them to look for new work, and you want to be quite sure that she doesnt get the oppertunity to do this to any other familes...

was she ofstead registered? if so you could call them though not sure there is much they could do either

Purplemoon · 23/02/2009 18:23

V and for you and your DC Nannynightmare.
Definitely think you should contact her previous referees.

bigcometobedeyes · 23/02/2009 18:16

I am very sorry for you Nannynightmare and your children.

I dont know anyhing about nanny hiring and things but I do hope you take this further, even emailing agencies to prevent her from getting work again.

Big hugs for your DC's

Millarkie · 23/02/2009 18:14

I'm not sure the police will do anything - your word (and ds) against hers. I hope it was a one-off incident (?maybe boyfriend came over and told her bad news which pushed her over the edge?). I had a pretty abysmal nanny once but even she drew the line at force feeding/locking up scared children.

Good idea to ring her referees.

Original poster
NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 18:10

DH is home so I'm off to have a chat with him, will be back on in a few hours after DC's are in bed but thank you all for responses so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 18:05

2pt4 It does sound odd - but I sort of interpreted it as a couple of things. One, DS is a shy, quiet boy who normally doesn't like to stew up trouble or tell on anyone. One scenario is that she's done it before and told him to be quiet about it, he would probably listen or she could have had him so engaged in TV/board games/books by the time I got back he forgot about it or it was at least far back in his mind.

Or, she did sort of flip since she normally just has the 2 little ones and they obviously take naps, DS doesn't, maybe she found it hard to deal with all of them? She has only ever worked with little ones before and is a relatively newly qualified nanny (4 years).

OP posts:
2pt4kids · 23/02/2009 18:01

How awful for you.
Good idea to call the police for advice on what to do next.
It sounds very very odd. If she has always been ok in your sons view and today she just flipped. How on earth did she think she could keep him from telling you what she did? She could even be having some sort of mental problems if she has been ok in the past and like this today.

CottageChicken · 23/02/2009 18:01

Sorry forgot to say as well how horrible for your poor children and you as well.

CottageChicken · 23/02/2009 18:00

Ring previous employers. DEFINITELY. Maybe the NSPCC? Do you know if she was registered with any agencies even though you were looking privately? If so, contact them as well. Maybe even ring some random agencies who may have had experience with disgruntled employers in the past. They might have an idea about how to handle it.

Ebb · 23/02/2009 17:52

OMG! That's shocking! Definately ring previous employers and warn them as they may just have been 'lucky' ( or maybe that should be unlucky ) not to have discovered her behaviour.

I would actually ring the police as this behaviour is completely unacceptable and should be flagged up on her CRB check. Hopefully that would stop anyone else employing her.

foxinsocks · 23/02/2009 17:51

yes nanny exactly

and I should have said, how truly awful for you. Dreadful to see your children in that situation.

The police will advise you I think. Not sure what they can do but I think always better to involve in case there's a history but also in case there are any future problems.

Nabster · 23/02/2009 17:50

She locked your son in a room. I would be phoning the police for advice tbh.

I feel so sorry for you,

Thak God you came home early.

deepinlaundry · 23/02/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 17:48

DS has said normally she is very funny and bakes good cakes , this is the first time she's had all 3 of them full-time due to half term though, so first time she's had DS for more than a couple of hours a day.

OP posts:
BradfordMum · 23/02/2009 17:48

Ring the police and ask advice.
If they ask you to take it further, then I feel you MUST.

I am so sorry this has happened to your children.

Sally x

Original poster
NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 17:47

Sorry I meant to say Lynette and Page Thanks for that. Fox, I thought it was police worthy in the beginning - especially as she is a qualified nanny, surely parents need to know this??!!!

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 23/02/2009 17:46

thing is, they may not do something the police, but they might note down her name and just check there is no history of anything horrid. I think it is worth doing even if it amounts to nothing.