Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Nanny crisis - please help (very long)!!!!!!!!

105 replies

NannyNightmare · 23/02/2009 17:30

Namechanged but am a very regular poster on both this board and others amongst the Mumsnet winds.

I have 3 DC's and we have had our current nanny for 4 months. Children are aged 8, 2.5, and not quite 1. Nanny has generally been great, I come home to find a spotless house, nanny diary with balanced meals listed and all children eating well, happy, and normally reading books together.

I came home today from work about 2 hours early (which I never do) to hear my 8-year-old crying in his room with the door locked (his room is on ground floor). We have a very old house whereby doors can only be locked with big rusty keys hung above fireplace that we NEVER use. I walked into kitchen where nanny was force-feeding my 2.5-year-old a massive plate of mashed potato and nothing else. When I say force-feeding, I mean by daughter was strapped into her high chair, nanny had one hand opening her mouth, other hand with spoon shoving it in.

I promptly said, "Nanny, what on EARTH are you doing? Why is DS locked in his room and STOP doing that with DD1" whereby she looked horrified, stood up, went to lounge and got her bag, and left WITHOUT SAYING A WORD.

I took DD1 out of chair, cleaned her up and calmed her down, let out DS who said Nanny had her boyfriend over that day and the children were supposed to play in DS's room quietly. He said DD2 was crying, he went to get Nanny, Nanny locked him in the room, shouted and swore, dropped 2 DD's in their rooms, and he hadn't seen her since then.

On the kitchen side was the nanny diary where I saw she had already listed DD as having eaten 'Mashed potato - all, Chicken - all, Green beans - all'.

DS is generally a shy boy but he doesn't make up many tales and the fact she just left with absolutely no conversation whatsoever has me believing him. Where do I go to report this, I have called/texted/emailed nanny and had no reply (naturally). I have canceled our direct debit into her account, we found her privately and not through an agency. I am very tempted to contact her previous references and inform them of this to warn potential other employers.

Who do I ring? Police?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
MariaVonnTrapp · 05/03/2009 21:11

OMG I feel so sorry for you and your precious little ones, what an awful thing for them (and you) to go through.
I've been a nanny for 18 years with children of varying ages. I have never treated youngsters in that way, in fact if I was unhappy about something in my personal life it was them that always made me happy and distracted me and I never invited anyone over without the parents knowing or wrote it down for them if I did.
My last ex family of 5 years have emailed me today to say they are coming over to the UK after Easter and all want to see me

I hope you find someone more suitable as soon as possible.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/03/2009 13:02

ha ha

thats a classic

cant believe missed that!!

MollieO · 05/03/2009 12:06

I'd be careful about hiring mary poppins if I were you

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/03/2009 09:41

glad you had a little break

sure it did you all good

i bet the nanny was very suprised to see you!!!

She obviously hopefully feels regret as she couldnt look at you

glad children arent suffering without her - children are resilient(sp) and hope next nanny will be your mary poppins

esselle · 05/03/2009 05:00

gotten

esselle · 05/03/2009 05:00

I have just seen this thread and wondered if it could be of some help to you.

I am glad you have finally confronted your ex nanny and goten your keys back. She sounds horrible!

I was a nanny for 12yrs+ and worked in many different countries. I haven't come across anyone like her. She is in the wrong profession!

Good luck finding a new nanny.

Original poster
NannyNightmare · 05/03/2009 02:39

Hello!! I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you. We decided to take an improptu holiday to Scotland to visit DH's parents and spend some family time together which has been an absolute godsend.

She came round Saturday, I had sent the kids off with DH to swimming and stayed back. She was very shocked to see me, didn't make a lot of eye contact, muttered something about 'Hope you are well', shoved the keys at me and left. No mention of the reference. I kept trying to ask her what happened with DS, she kept saying, 'Sorry, I have to go'.

I took the opportunity since DH & DC's were out to have a little cry about the whole thing. Not a big one, but I realised I hadn't really bemoaned the fact yet.

DC's don't seem to be suffering any damage. DD1 seemed a bit confused that nanny hasn't been showing up, but no behavioural or eating (!) issues thank god. DS hasn't asked about her once since the second day she was gone.

We have been trawling through agencies and hopefully will find someone suitable to start next week. I've looked at quite a few good CV's and will be able to meet them in person tomorrow when we finally get back to London. Wish us luck!!!!!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2009 13:28

tbh even if the nanny had gone come from an agency, there isnt much the agency can do for the OP in these circumstances

yes the agency may ban her from their agency, and not find her any jobs again

but what else can they do?

Tracy81 · 04/03/2009 13:09

I am a nanny, and would advise contacting all the local agencies as well, so that they are aware and the reasons why not to work on her. Also please do contact someone such ass the police, as she is crb checked and this needs to be put on her crb so that other employers are aware of this situation. I am so very sorry to hear that this has happened. My only advise is to contact a nanny agency in the future as they are there to assist you with this matter and guide you through the process of dealing with this.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2009 12:07

NANNYNIGHTMARE

what happened at the weekend

did she return the keys, were you there, and did she ask for a referEnce and did you give her one?

we NEED to know!!!!

maxybrown · 04/03/2009 11:02

What a load of rubbish the nanny is spouting - if she was just having a stressfull time why did she walk out??!! never mind anything else??

Can you imagine a childminder/nursery/school telling a parent that their child was being a right pain so I locked them in a room?!

No matter what the whole thing is unacceptable.

We all have moments of stress where children won't behave in the way that we would like but it doesn't make it ok what she did. My DS sometime doesn't eat food and is silly with it even though he likes it. I never ram it down his throat!

Where was the behavoiur management?

Oh and I don't think you can give a bad reference can you?

HarrietTheSpy · 04/03/2009 10:44

I mean, how would the new employers not find out she'd had a job that year, if you see what I mean.

HarrietTheSpy · 04/03/2009 10:42

I can't believe you're keeping us in suspense this long.

One thing I can't work out is that if people are paying tax on the nanny's earnings, and she works again in the same tax year, how would they not find out? The form we had to fill out for the payroll company this time asks the nanny this question directly. I don't see how she could just submit a previous P45 for example. Or say no, I haven't worked this year. Weird. There must be some way around it but I can't work out how.

TheButterflyEffect · 03/03/2009 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SmileyMylee · 02/03/2009 00:49

Nannynightmare - I am so shocked about what has happened and appalled that none of the people you have reported this to seem to be able to take any action against her.

However there are fantastic nannies out there and hopefully you will find one soon. I don't know where you are but if you are anywhere near Croydon or South East London I can recommend a fantastic nanny who was with me for 7 years and is now looking for work.

E-mail me if you want any further information.

willowthewispa · 01/03/2009 23:31

Sorrento - didn't any of her neutral references expand a bit more when you phoned them?

Sorrento · 01/03/2009 23:11

We had an absolute fruit loop of a nanny genuinely quite dangerous and yet everyone of her references were neutral or good, so they either lied and put my children in danger because they didn't want to say something bad or she flipped when she walked through my door, so I feel very strongly that if a nanny's bad she shouldn't have a neutral reference in case the new mother doesn't click.
My ex nanny currently has a newborn to care for which is so frightening because the mother hasn't spoken to me so she's obviously blagged that and a newborn can't talk.
Oh and I checked with my mum who's a nurse and force feeding an infant is assualt the police should take the matter further.

Stayingsunnygirl · 01/03/2009 20:31

With regard to the reference, if you give a bland reference using the words, "I would be more than happy to give a verbal reference. Please contact me on ('phone no)". Then, if she does use the reference, you can tell any callers exactly why you fired her.

My heart goes out to you and your children, and I hope that you all get over this quickly. I'd offer an unmumsnetty hug, if that would help...

BradfordMum · 01/03/2009 20:24

Bumping for news

X x X

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/03/2009 20:23

did she drop in her keys?

were you there?

letswiggle · 01/03/2009 20:20

I would mention the diary being already filled in with entirely fabricated information in any accusation. This is good evidence of dishonesty at least.

Poor you - I think this is the nightmare worry of so many employers of nannies. Makes me want to put secret webcams around the house. You're certainly not overreacting.

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 19:58

Northing to add to all the excellent advice here, but just wanted to say I hope you and your DC are bearing up. Also, I don't think you have overreacted at all, fwiw. What a horrible thing to happen .

Ebb · 01/03/2009 19:52

Did she turn up? What happened? Hope your Ds is feeling happier about things.

Sorrento · 28/02/2009 17:32

Is it worth calling Ofsted ? Making sure they don't allow her to register.
Isn't holding a child's mouth open to force feed it assult, in fact I know it's assult, get her charged, you saw it happen.
Locking a child in the room is surely false inprisionment ?

HenriettaJones · 28/02/2009 17:23

Hey Nannynightmare, how did it go today?
x x

Swipe left for the next trending thread