What would you do in this childcare situation? Nanny or boarding school?

Thanks for the explanation paws I can see how your situation is hard and that is must be very hard for you to leave your dd.

Tankie, yes I am. I could work but I prefer to be at home with my kids. if I HAD to work that would be different.

You are spiteful tankie, it shines through, you need to do something about that, really you do

Well said Athene - isn't kitty a SAHM with a DH and au pair for support? Easy to judge

Paws, typical nanny hours may be 8am-6pm, but loads of people need odd hours! One of my first jobs was for a single mum who worked in the airline industry and so both our hours were all over the place! One week she might be home for 3 consequtive days, then away for 12 hours, back for 30 hours, away for 4 days etc. No two weeks were the same, but we all coped.

I also worked for someone in TV, so wouldn't start work til about 3pm, and then work til 8pm, 10pm, 7am the next day depending on her schedule. Not everyone works 9-5, and if they do work odd hours then nannies are often the only option they have.

Paws, have I got this right?
You are a single parent.
You are in your early 20s.
Your DD is 5ish.
You are putting yourself through law school (at a top school).
You have no family support and not father in the picture.

Wow! I take my hat off to you!

Kitty, shame on you. The was a nasty post.

hi Paws

I had a baby when just one year PQE as a solicitor, then took time out (3.5 year). I wanted to go back to work, and considered all sorts of hairbrained ideas as I didn't think it would work with 2 small children. I did my TC at a large provincial firm that expected 8.30 - 6.30 hours, but also it took me over an hour and a half to get there. I couldn't go back.

Fast forward...we moved to London (well end of tube) and I got a job as an in house lawyer. I work full time and love it. hours 8 - 5. hardly ever stay late. Can work from home once a week. Am paid £50k ish. I know it is not much vs MC firms, but it works for me. The plus side is that I see my boys every morning and for about an hour every evening. They are in full time nursery and we have an au pair.

Perhaps you could think about taking a similar path once you have some experience under your belt??

lisalisa - good point about playdates. I have two school aged charges, and as I do the drop off and pick up I chat to other mums and nannies, arrange playdates, help out at school discos or trips.

Even aged 8, I don't think masses of experience and training are as important as with a baby iyswim - you just want someone fun, sensible and reliable (but get them first aid trained, just in case).

The day trips would be something you'd have to negotiate. A 50 hour working week is already very long, and the nanny may have a regular class or something during the day that runs through school holidays. And I'd have a feeling your daughter would love to share a special outing with you rather than the nanny.

I think I'd have coped fine with weekly boarding at 8 btw, but my sister wouldn't have. I always begged my parents to send me to boarding school, too much Malory Towers...

Oh Paws - that is horrid. She is only 5 now though isn't she so very young . Her friends won't make comments like this in a few years. The playground thing is a biggie though - my kids did get a lot less playdates when i wasn't around as they do tend to get arranged by mums on the hoof so to speak. You have to be very organised ( which i wasn't - once at work I focused on that ) to arrange them in advance and get numbers,dates, times etc.

Once you start work and can't be in the playground any more I would empower nanny to arrange whatever she wants and arrange taxis to the playdtate house for nanny to go and pick up at end of dday when you can't. it's really all about making your dd feel she is not missing out.

Glad to have been of help

Paws- I also had a burning advocacy ambition whilst at uni ( as you put it so eloquently) but went off it as many people said its hard to get in if you're a woman, of an ethnic minority ( as i am ) and bad huors etc. So I decided to be a solicitor and have not regretted it. I have not lost a job yet due to credit crunch althouhg have been made redundant once and found a new job straight away. now in severe recessionary times am hanging on by a thread but my area is dicretly in line of fire.

i don't thin you can evern have a ajob that is totally recession proof and the bar is no excpetion. Pick an area of law that interests you and is reasonably well protected and go for that . i would drop your aim for the bar, I really would . After 2 years training as a solicitor your hours would be much better and there is so much more flexibility around these dya s- I work from 8.00am to 3.oopm so there in hte playground every day. once you put in a few years wrok that type of optoin will be avaialbel to you too.

Hi Paws, I am a nanny - and although I am now living with my partner and a bit past living-in, I would have certainly considered something like your job when I was in my early twenties - even more so if I was a student too.

A live-in nanny might choose to go away at the weekends, but she might choose to stay and you would need to be ok with her being around. The hours you need are about 10 a day, right? 6am-9am, and 3pm-10pm. Ten hour days are very normal for nannies, and she would have time off during the day, but I assume she would need to be on call if there is a problem during the school day with your DD? And during the school holidays the days would be very long for her, so I think you would need to pay at the top end really - maybe in the holidays you could book your dd into some kind of a playscheme so the nanny is still free in the day?

As your daughter would be 11, I think you can go for a less experienced or unqualified nanny, and this will save you some money. Ideally I would probably look for an Australian or NZ nanny on a one year visa.
Money wise, obviously it's difficult to guess for 3 years time, but I would think ballpark £300-£500 net a week. That will cost you anything between 22k and 38k a year, approx, without taking into account food bills, petrol, heating and lighting, activities etc.

Paws, I'm going to stick my neck out here and no doubt be very unpopular because of it.

I cannot understand how you could consider doing this to your daughter.

yes you'll get a great job eventually , but honestly do you really think that basically not being around all week is alright? Is your career choice worth doing this to her?
You will never get this time back.

I am asking this because I genuinely don't understand how you could leave her like this.