What would you do in this childcare situation? Nanny or boarding school?

I don't quite understand where the nanny/housekeeper demarcation line is?

I'm probably a N/H (although the official job description is nanny/governess )because I do all the stuff a nanny would do for childcare/nursery duties, I cook what I would cook for the child in triplicate so the family can eat together if one or both of the parents is home by 8 and they want to (or it freezes!), I do light daily cleaning, run errands, pick up dry cleaning, do bits of shopping, receive the internet shop and put it away, happily shove on family laundry, iron occasionally... But I wouldn't do heavy cleaning of the sort wwow describes. Does that make me just as an excessively flexible nanny? Or are some people crazy when they expect that much from housekeepers?

Oh and my charge sits in front of a dvd while I blitz his room and iron once a week in the holidays/when he's sick. His mother told me to. I agree. He's 7, it won't kill him.

You need a me!

as a former nanny/housekeeper - it doesn't work!!
fine in theory - and I thought I could handle it but absolutely rubbish in practise - I'm a nanny and was kidding myself to think I could combine a full on 55 hour a week nanny role with cleaning the whole house over 6 hours in the week.

I have NO idea how a cleaner can clean a whole house in 4 hours (in my current job, the cleaner does!) but I didn't get into nannying to be a good cleaner, I think much better to get a dammed good career minded nanny and a once a week cleaner to attack the house once a week IMHO.

the biggest issue in my old job was what happened to the cleaning during holidays/sickness etc - obviously it couldn't get done but this used to be a real bone of contention with my ex employer, to the point where she told me to leave her child to watch tv/play on the landing whilst I did the regular cleaning

FWIW - I think you sound like you be a lovely employer and if you moved down to london I would totally work for you
I'm currently studying for an NVQ3 and would use the time to study during the day - so it might be worth looking down that route??

Can i just add, you can hire a bi-lingual nanny so your dd is learning/practising a language as well. That way you can feel the money is well spent money even if you have to employ a cleaner.
At least this is how it was working with the families i ve worked for.

I m not sure what people mean when they say nanny-housekeeper as there is not strict discription

But personally i would say that you need a top nanny, with bags of initiative as you ll not be there to micro-manage, someone with plenty of experience, able to help with homework, passionate about her job, able to cope with crisis. She can do some light housework when dd at school, then you can pay £30-40 for a 3 hours cleaner to do the more heavy cleaning.(save money on anything else but never on quality of childcare)

I dont believe in 'combining roles' or shortcuts. If you find it there is a thread about education of nannies where some nannies and former nannies like me we posted. Most of us had a degree and did this job because we loved it. I think you need someone like this. Maybe a=pairs and housekeepers work for some families but you are going to be away so many hours, make sure your dd is with a top nanny.
Besides you ll be so busy and tired to spend your evenings posting here complaining about your AP like some mnetters do

By the way, we have nanny housekeepers - always Asian so far (we don't live in the UK so visas are easier), we've never had a qualified nanny, just picked nice, kind people who like looking after children and aren't fussy about doing a bit (a lot!) of everything. It works very well - even though dividing between work and kids is hard, at least you don't have to worry about sorting clothes out, making dinner, blah blah as well.

Hi Paws. I went to Cambridge, got a good degree and am working in a good regional. I worked in Reading then Dublin before moving up here. It's great. There are lots of ver clever people (not entirely sure what you meant by your Leeds uni comment - there are people from Leeds uni working in the city, also people from Oxbridge working in the regionals... is this news?). There are a lot of ex-city people who move away "for the lifestyle". Seems to me a good idea to just skip the crappy years and go straight for a decent job with decent hours with people who respect you.

I wouldn't not be a barrister if that's what you really really want, but agree with Lisalisa that it certainly can work as a solicitor. Also - a career as a barrister in the provinces can also work very well...

Go down the nanny housekeeper route - I speak here as the daughter of a barrister, who worked all hours during the week but was THERE at the weekend, and a property analyst, who did the same. I had 3 fantastic nannies (1 not so good one and a string of disastrous au pairs but we'll ignore them) and it made my life: they were young enough to be "cool", old enough to be responsible and provided the wrap-around care that my parents need. You can do both....and your dd will not suffer for it. She will probably benefit hugely in the long run if you get the right person because you really are inspirational!

I'm now 22 and a nanny - working a very similar job to what my nannies used to and what you're describing. I work at least 7am-8pm, with 2 late finishes/overnights per week (I actually prefer them to going home at 8pm!) with time off during the day when my 7yo is at school. It works for me - I can study during the day or see friends. It would be easier if I were live-in and single, but my DP is in the Forces so he's away for months at a time and usually living away during the week anyway. You will be able to find someone to do what you're looking for. I certainly would, but you're probably either looking for a young career nanny looking for a really full-on first job or someone who's not a career nanny but, for whatever reason(s), is doing this for a year or two. I put myself squarely in the latter category, but my employer knows that - I'm not going to be around forever and she likes the fact I have a career plan!

I agree with nanny/housekeeper. You'll be paying a fortune for a nanny and still have to pay a cleaner etc. If you find a nanny/housekeeper they'll also do all the cleaning, cooking, supermarket shopping, errands, laundry and ironing.

Well done to you for planning in advance. I'm not a lawyer, but have barrister friends who seem to work a lot from home. They do sometimes have to go out of town for a few weeks at a time, but maybe that depends what field you're in.

I have to say that I'm finding pursuing my career quite unsatisfying at the moment, as I also have 3 small kids. It's very difficult (impossible?) to do both things properly. I'm definitely less ambitious than I used to be.

Hey there Pawslikepaddington how did the fancy newspaper piece go? Can you link to it?

Paws, I think that the fact that you are putting so much thought into how to sort this it reflects how much you care for dd. She will grow up with a fab role model, and a mum to be proud of. Have you asked her what her preference would be?

wanted to add to slummymamas positive spin
have a look in February's Counsel magazine, first in a series of articles about maternity leave and the bar, not directly on point but helpful

get in touch with an inn, student officer will help, and also bar council and the equal ops and diversity committee

I thikn the pupillage year will not be the problem it will be the years in early practice when you have no guarantee of income and more limited ability to control work and no pupil supervisor to care for you, but it is not impossible

I am a mum and a barrister and love it (and have a live in nanny housekeeper) I think I have the best of every world

and yes, I am presently at desk working mnetting!

Paws, not sure how much space you will have, but two au pairs may be cheaper than a nanny, or you may be able to manage with an au pair plus and a bit of after school activites. Au pairs can work really well for that age.

I'd have thought a nanny/housekeeper would take a massive weight off your shoulders given the hours you say you will be working. Boarding school would be much more stressful for both you and your DD. You want someone to do childcare (but an 8 year old DD at school won't need masses of childcare), housework, shopping, cooking and laundry.

Paws, I have been following this thread for the past few days but did not post. I just wanted to say I think you are a total star - I am a lone parent too, but ten years older than you and I take my hat off to you. You are doing exactly the right thing by planning ahead. You don't have to decide now, but it is good to think about all the options. I bet you will know when it comes to it what the right thing to do is.

You are absolutely right to think about your career, and don't let anyone tell you differently. You need to be able to provide for your DD, AND you sound like lots of us in that you need work too for a happy and fulfilled life. There's nothing at all wrong with being ambitious.

Just to add, the PhD route is well worth pursuing - you get to stay a student for 3/4 years more, it is a very interesting challenging job, the pay is about double the national average, and being an academic is definitely compatible with childcare. (I am one!)

Good luck with your planning!

If the Bar is want you want to do, give it a go!

Some thoughts from a mother of 3 under fives in a so-called "top commercial set".

Am astonished that any set would expect a pupil to work 10-8. Our pupils do 9-6.30/7 and are not allowed to work weekends. Only exception is major crisis which is rare.

Personally, think it is much easier to combine work and motherhood at the Bar than as a solicitor. In commercial sets like mine, you are rarely in court and can do a lot at home. You can also plan your workload.

My experience is that it is much harder to do this at a city law firm where there is still a serious "hours culture" and if you want to be made partner, you need to be available at unsocial hours. A great advantage of the Bar is you are one further step (and it's a big step) removed from the client.

The Bar in general is very worried about women giving up when they have a family and I think Chambers will bend over backwards to help you.

One thing I think is essential, though, is to live as close to Chambers as possible to so would seriously consider moving to London for a few years.

Good luck!

Paws, just read your thread. I know some posters seem a bit rough on you but its their opinion.. Heres mine... I would do lots of searching and send your dd to boarding school. Bullying happens at EVERY school, boarding state, grammar or otherwise, you just have to listen to your child and act accordingly. If you employ a nanny she may move on, schools dont, she would be getting stability, long term support and friendship. I have several friends who boarded and they loved it.

Best of luck to you with your decision..

Paws, good luck whatever you decide, and hats off to you for your endeavours. You have provoked some really interesting dilemmas and had some great responses on the thread...

for what it's worth, I think the most important part of this is not to see it as one year of your or your dds life but as what you want from a total career

to choose to be a barrister because life will be easy is not a good plan, particulalry if you don't like advocacy that much

on the other hand to choose to be a solicitor just because you think you can't leave your daughter with a nanny/ in boarding school for one year is also not a good long term plan

I don't know the answer but worry that the whole plan rests on this one year (but of course it was the one year that the post was about!)

My neice is a pupil barrister and she works hours like this - and she works weekends as well. I just don't think it's compatible with having a child. Sorry. Just imagine a whole year (at least) of your child's life where you saw her for one day a week if you were lucky.