We have just met a very nice au pair who is looking to switch families at the end of next month. She has been with her current family (in a town near ours) since September. The mom has been ill (but is recovering) and the kids sound like they've been quite challenging, and I think it just sounds like it's all gotten to be too much for her, along with the fact that she'd prefer to be based in our town because of having friends here.
Here's the catch - the family do not know yet that she wants to leave, and she doesn't want me to call them to check references, or not right away anyway, as she is afraid they will be upset with her and she's uncomfortable telling them she's leaving and then asking for a reference in the same breath. She has provided other references (from her home country, but not at all childcare related) and is studying English at a school near us so I suppose I could ring them and just confirm that she is a regular attendee there etc.
Am I being stupid here? For our current au pair, she had no previous AP experience so we only checked references with past teachers etc. - and it's worked out absolutely fine. And it's not like this girl is leaving the family abruptly in the lurch, which would definitely give me pause.
anyone been there/done that? suggestions?