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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au Pairs - maybe something useful for someone thinking of employing their first Au Pair...

63 replies

MrsWood · 07/04/2005 16:26

When I came to the UK as an Au Pair with 2 of my best friends, I was "positioned" with a family with 3 kids - 6, 9 and 12 years old. My friends were in families with smaller children. One was looking after a 4 year old and one was looking after a 2 MONTH old. I spoke excellent English as I studied it for years before coming over. My friends spoke good enough Enlgish. Unfortunately, NEITHER of us had ANY experience in looking after children - neither of us even had a sibling! Upon instructions from Au Pair agency, we all lied on our application form and provided false childcare references. Agencies are trying to make money out of Au Pairs and families and will get the girls to say ANYTHING in order to get them as clients - they get around £300+ from each family and around £150+ from each girl they get on their books. We were quite sensible 17 year old girls and were NEVER horrible to any of the kids we looked after, we were actually having a very good time being Au Pairs, however, I must stress that many parents are not aware of the difference between Au Pairs and nannies. Au Pairs are meant to be mother's help (cleaning, cooking, babysitting the kids etc.) and are paid very little - £40-£45 per week - comparing to nannies with PROPER qualifications in childcare who get around £200-£300 per week (depending on your location within the UK) and are complete opposites to Au Pairs - i.e. shouldn't have to do anything around the house apart from looking after the kids' needs 24/7.
I guess the whole point of this thread is to help parents who are new to this and don't know what to ask and how to make a decision on the right person to look after their kids. After all, you have to be able to trust this person and more importantly, trust your little angels in their hands whilst you're at work or whatever.
My husband and I now have a 21 month old daughter ourselves and she is the most important thing to us and we certainly feel wiser for the experience I've had from "the other side".
As a parent and an ex Au Pair this is something I felt I needed to share with you folks

Any questions, please feel free to ask - I will help you in any way I possibly can.

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Original poster
MrsWood · 08/04/2005 12:47

Ameriscot2005 - Wish I worked for you - you sound like a great employer

forevermore - Pamina3 is absolutely right - Au Pair shouldn't look after such a small baby on her own, they hardly have any experience and I'm sure although money is very tight, your baby will come first to you, therefore childminder definitelly springs to mind. Not to put fear in you but for the sake of conversation, lets just remember Louise Woodward! The girl was left with a small baby - parents can sometimes hardly cope with crying and demands let alone someone who's a kid themselves and has no sense of real responsibility. Whether she harmed that baby or not is for a completely another discussion (and don't really want to get into it) but it's not science fiction that it could have happened. Again, Au pairs should be for exactly what Ameriscot2005 described her one does.

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Pamina3 · 08/04/2005 12:03

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Pamina3 · 08/04/2005 12:01

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forevermore · 08/04/2005 11:58

I havelistened to all of your comments; however at 5 months pregnant and due to go back to work after 6 months maternity leave, i look at the finances and could only afford an aupair to look after my 6 month old. Nurseries are too expensive...what the alternatives?

if none, how do you go about finding the best aupair...i guess an agency is not the way forward

eldestgirl · 08/04/2005 11:53

Absolutely Mrs Wood. I wanted to get out of my small village in the UK and live an exciting new life in Paris. Looking after children was just a means to an end. Now, motherhood is my full time job and I am very serious about it!

Ameriscot2005 · 08/04/2005 11:50

A lot of families who have au pairs are not trying to replace a nanny.

I have an au pair but I'm a SAHM. Her duties are to help out with housework (not to do all of it), to take some of my kids to school and back, and to play with them. She does 25 hours a week and occasional babysitting, and gets paid well above the Home Office recommended amount.

Original poster
MrsWood · 08/04/2005 11:40

Also, most parents think "better get Au Pair, it's cheaper than nanny" not realising that Au Pairs are usually kids/young people themselves and want to do (mostly) what their own parents don't aprove of - drinking till early hours, going out with whoever they want and when they want - live a little basically. And if they don't listen to their own parents - then they will certainly break new "parents'" rules! Some are responsible and I imagine, some just take a p... It's all a little bit of a lottery I guess.

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Original poster
MrsWood · 08/04/2005 11:35

eldestgirl - exactly - underpaid, overworked and then some more. Mind you, I'm sure people had bad experiences with Au Pairs as well as Au Pairs having bad experiences in families - when it's not your own, it's difficult to adjust to new rules, new life in a foreign country etc. And must be difficult for them to have a stranger living with them in the house and somehow be responsible for their wellbeing. I think I would think twice before getting an Au Pair but would know how to "interrogate" them beforehand if I did decide on one... LOL

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Pamina3 · 08/04/2005 11:33

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eldestgirl · 08/04/2005 11:25

I was an au pair in Paris for a year and I would NEVER employ one to look after my children solo. Maybe just as a help around the house if I had another baby and was REALLY desperate for help.

I sent a friend of my mother's in Paris a card to stick up on her church noticeboard. I got a letter back giving details of the family from the Mum, I sent a letter back accepting the position and that was that. I had sole charge of a 4 year old and a 6 year old every evening between 4 and 8, plus babysitting afterwards, then all day and evening on Saturday and Sundays off. All for 35 quid a week and a travelcard.

At 18 I had loads of experience with children (eldest of many sibs and countless younger cousins) but looking back, although I worked very hard and was pretty responsible on the whole, there are enough incidents that I can recall, usually involving alcohol and not enough sleep that make me really wince now. One that still has the ability to make me blush involved me accidentally sitting on the dishwasher door when drunk at 1am, having to get up at 6am with a terrible hangover to explain why it was broken and collapsing into the husband's arms in a dead faint. Agh.

I am still in touch with the family however, and we exchange friendly e-mails now and then. But my experience will forever put me off having one myself.

Ameriscot2005 · 08/04/2005 11:17

You were a slave, MrsWood!

I think au pairs these days, with internet access, are a lot more knowledgeable about what the job entails before they come.

Original poster
MrsWood · 08/04/2005 11:04

Thanks for your post. The thing is that many Au Pairs don't meet the family (and vice versa) until they get "transferred" and all fees are paid etc. I only spoke to the lady I was working for, on the phone once before coming over - I mean, how much could she actually tell!? That I could speak English basically. Once we met, we hit it off, but I worked around 50hrs per week for £40 and was exhausted. They were very messy and deffinitely made sure I had things to do. Kids used to give me 2 sacks of their washing EVERY day. Madness. However, they were all very kind, took me everywhere, accomodated my parents when they came to stay for my Birthday - paid to take us all out on my Birthday to London... They also let me go out most evenings and weekends, let my English boyfriend come over etc. They were fantastic to me and I felt I had to give it back by working harder for them - I varnished their wooden floors all around the house once! Later, when I left (6 months early as I just couldn't bear to work so much anymore - I was 17 going on 35, mother of 3 kids and house like a bombshell!) they said to one of my friends who was helping them when I left, that they were good to me because they wanted to get more out of me, and didn't want to have to pay extra.

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Ameriscot2005 · 08/04/2005 10:19

I trusted the references from my agency au pair, but looking back, they were pretty worthless in that the au pair definitely did not seem like the same person that was written about.

Since then, I've had 2 au pairs agency-free and without references, but I've been very happy with them (2nd one only been here a week so jury still out). I think if you screen the au pairs yourself, you can increase your chances of getting a good one. The main criteria for me are age (young) and future plans (university bound).

You also have to be willing to let your au pair go after just a few weeks if she is not a good match for your family.