Au Pairs - maybe something useful for someone thinking of employing their first Au Pair...

Yeah, talk about confirming the paradigm...

I agree with Penny if you want cheap childcare in an au pair then you can't expect them to be professional and treat you and your family with respect

Yes, What an amazing and distorted conlusion......

I

You concluded all that from Mumsnet, Penny?

MrsWood it's great that you have been so honest and shared your expierence, it proved to me about au pairs. And judging by what some parents are saying about their au pairs I really am not suprised that au pairs take the piss.
Only paying £60 a week and the au pair, cleans your whole house and looks after your children so basically is running your house doing your job and then you moan that the aupair doesn't want to eat with you so costs you, what an extra £10 a week? That is disgusting!
People forget that the idea of au pairs is for a cultural exchange, they come over here to learn the language (not always but often) and to learn about the country. In exchange for you letting them stay and you supposbly helping them settle in, they will 'HELP' with the household chores and babysit for you. Au Pairs are legaly not allowed to be left with under 2's either because the majority of them have probably not spent any time with a small child.
I am a full time nanny and I earn £270 net a week, they provide a cell phone and a sole use car. I do the family ironing and care for their one 6 yr old boy as well as the dog. I'm allowed to eat what I like and being a vegetarian and non dairy eater I often buy differen't food for myself and they don't have a problem with that. They treat me as human being, they respect me so in return I respect them, their house and their children. I don't mind doing favours for them, extra babysitting, running extra errands etc.
It's no wonder au pairs who really have no interest in childcare in the first place plonk the kids in front of the tv. And doss about on their rare time off. Then parents moan and tv shows like 'nannies from hell' get made, even though none of the women on that programe were actually nannies though.

If other families are better, invite them to find another job - it sounds like it should be an easy thing to do .

Yes - i have crossed this bridge twice now about what other Ap get paid and do.

The last conversation I had on this subject with our AP cleared the air at least I think!!. I said all families are very different and therefore have different needs, just like APs, some speak better English, have done the job before and get paid more, and some families like us can only afford to pay what we do pay.

I think somewhere along the way, they lose sight of the AP and family agreement, to learn Enlish , experience another culture, have some pocket money in exchange for help with kids and light housework not to mention all the other perks.

Celtic,

Our first au pair experience was similar cost-wise. We paid her £60 a week, but also forked out a lot extra on top of that - special food since she was so picky; she used our phone - to excess towards the end; I gave her a mobile phone and about £50 of phone cards; she arrived speaking no English and without a dictionary so muggins had to pay for one for her; I had to buy her a bathing suit so she could go in the pool with the kids; I drove her to language classes every week to save her the bus fare etc. etc.

As soon as she met another au pair, she realised that girl (good English speaker and with driving license) was getting £5 extra a week and felt very hard done by - she didn't count what I gave her as perks.

Now, I pay a higher rate, and no extras.

Very interesting to hear Au pairs Experiences.

We are will soon be looking for our third AP, the going rate inthe northwest is about £60week. However after having our first AP and at the time I was at home with the kids and watching the pennies. I soon realized the real cost of ou AP was an Extra £45 a week on shopping, as she would never eat with us and after using up all sandwich stuff started to asked for particular foods and hid food in her room. Our household bills increased dramatically, especially the phone bill and not to mention the other perks.( I was push over) I think she started to take the p...s after 3 months, she started hinting for extra money and moaning that her friend AP only did the childrens Ironing, she could never get up in the morning and ruined loads of clothes, and hoover and washing machine. She use to really drunk at weekends, and come home trying to get in our neighbours house with her door key, or set the house alarm off, or in a police car....( she could not remember and thought it was a taxi)

She eventually left for £5 extra a week to a family in scotland for better perks, so she said but only lasted 2 months.

I insisted our last AP eat with us, and didn't raid the fridge,but she was more than welcome to help herself to other snack things however, she's recently started using all our bathroom cosmetics...I can live with that, at least she's considerate in other area and not a party animal ( like i was at 20 )and great with the kids.

I think it really is a lottery finding a good AP, I never use agencies for all the the things mentioned onthis thread. I just ask loads of questions, some seem quite personal.. but what the hell she will be living with us.

MrsWood, I'm a journalist (and an ex-au pair and a parent) and I'm writing an article for a broadsheet newspaper about childcarers' experiences. I would really love to talk to you about the issues you've raised on this thread. Can you email me? I'm on [email protected]. Look forward to hearing from you!

I think short-term au pairs work out well.

The first au pair I had was scheduled to stay a year. She started off OK, but only kept this up for a couple of months. Then she started to take the piss, as others have noticed. Unfortunately, my inexperience made me think it would get better, but it didn't. I ended up firing her for negligence at the five month point (at least 2 months too late). Now she works cleaning a sandwich shop nearby, and presumably either paying rent or squatting - welcome to life in the west.

My second au pair was a dream, but I could tell that she was starting to get bored with the job, so the three months that she planned to stay was about right. My current au pair is scheduled to stay for four months. Both of these girls will be going to university next year, so the au pair experience is just a bit of fun and growing up for them in their gap year.

I'm not a fan of Accession state girls after my first experience, but that, of course, doesn't mean they are all like that. I have a French au pair now, and the last one was Luxembourgoise - I have the hope that my boys will want to practice their French with the au pair, which adds another dimension to things.

I am horrified to hear of your experience Mrs Wood and I agree with Ameriscot that we are not all like that.

I have had a number of au-pairs and it is very true that most of them start off well but do tend after a while to take the P*. They seem to forget that their perks are not only financial but also the fact they live in a nice house rent free with lots of comforts, free internet access, use of the telephone, good food, etc and they dont factor that into the equation at all. I live in London and if you wanted just a room in someone's house with bed and dinner provided (like the homestay language schools offer) that is charged out at £115 per week. So that adds £4.50 per hour to whatever "pocket money" and perks you pay them.

When I employed my first au-pair I was a SAHM. Now I work four days a week and AP has sole charge really only after school until 5.30 termtime and full time (9-5)4 days pw in the hols. Having said that my children are much older (8 and 11) so I know that if she were not looking after them properly or mistreating them they would tell me.

Cant really suggest alternatives Forevermore as have only ever gone the AP route - it does work just be aware that there are a lot of compromises to make and they are really just young girls who are looking for a good time away from Ma & Pa (and why not) as long as they do what is asked of them during their working hours.

I would like to say that over the years I have had 8 aupairs. I chose aupairs as I was a single parent and could not afford to pay other types of childcare. Out of those 8 aupairs, only 1 of them I would have recommended, the others took the p. I didn't expect too much from them, they looked after my two young children, but I did not expect anything else from them, I just asked them to make sure my children were safe, secure and happy. In return, they took advantage of my good nature. Each one of them were nice for the first few months, then over time they realised what a pushover I was and took advantage of my good nature. I have tried aupairs from agencies and others that I have employed direct... all had fake references which I found out later. Please be very careful when you consider aupairs, yes they can be good, but they can also be very bad. Because I now longer know how to find a "genuine aupair", I am now using a childminder to look after my children. Yes it costs more, more than half my salary, but I least I know that my children are safe and happy!!!

I agree with Uwila, Forevermore. Find yourself a nice, experienced girl from one of the accession countries. Or a childminder.

BTW, "nanny" in my posts refers to her job description, not her paperwork.

I would suggest looking at nannies who come from ascension countries. I wouldn't be too fussed about "qualification" but I would require previous experience with babies as well as previous live-in experience.

You will find that hiring someone who is not up to the job will result in an incredible amount of work and frustration FOR YOU.

Where are you? I live in Surrey/Middlesex border, and I can find a childminder for less that £5/hour.

Really, I have been where you are now. And, I am more than happy to help you decide what's best, and what you can afford.

THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE REALLY APPRECIATED.

feeling somewhat guilty for wanting to hire an Au-Pair now. But still think I have no choice.

I intend to go back to work after 6 months maternity leave (full salary....phew). However, I cannot afford not to work full time beyond that time, and its not for luxuries, just day to day bills are tightly controlled and dependant on my full time salary.

However, I am am married and my husband works shifts so many weeks will be home during the day (although asleep, but still reassuring), also I have family in the area for emergency contacts. I also will be asking manager for 1 day 'home working' and hope that this will mean only 4 days a week (9am - 6pm) that the aupair will be left alone with 6 month old (of course with husband asleep in the house sometimes).

I wouldn't expect housework on top, except of tidying up after themselves and child. Also would not object to supporting them with evening classes (I myself have been to university and value education), or even day release for courses on the day i intend to work from home. all in all that would amount to 27 hours work per week and maybe occasional babysitting (max 2 nights/month).

Childminders are around £5/hour in my area i think which would be approximately £580 per months as opposed to £400 for an aupair...(not sure of the prices for au-pair actually but I know its a lot less than £500/month)...

Tax credits would hardly impact on cost (for what our household income is)
what to do...what to do...

Does this still sound terribly unreasonable of me to want an Aupair.

That is the correct website address for childminders and gives details of childminders all over the uk.

If you want to research childminders in your area, try www.childcarelink.gov.uk. Not sure if that address is right. If it isn't, try googling "child care link". You can search for childminders by post code.

Forevermore - have you researched local childminders? they are usually much cheaper than a nursery, especially for babies (nurseries get cheaper the older they get) but childminders places for babies are hard to get hold of because they are limited to having only one child under the age of one. If this might be an answer for you, start looking for one now - it's not too early!
Also, have you factored in any tax breaks you will get? You will get a tax credit for a registered childminder - but not for an au pair. Also, ask your employer about the new Childcare Vouchers - you can get £50 of vouchers free of tax and NI instaed of your pay each week (so you save the cost of tax and NI) - also available if you use a minder or nursery, but not for an au pair.

Incidentally, you can hire any EU citizen you want to be your employee. You take on employer responsibilities. And, you can give her any job title to which you and she agree. There are no laws beyond those which apply to any legal employee for EU citizens. So, if you call her an "Au Pair" but she comes from the EU, then she can work however many hours you agree on. You are not obligated to pay for her english classes, and you do not have to pay for her flights home.

BUT, as an employer and a mother, you also want her to be happy (as she has your very young child all day long). So, it is well worth acknowledging what other parent provide to their nannies / au pairs. She will find out what other people make, and she will be happeir if she doesn't find herself as your slave.

I used a childminder for DD's first year. It was to me at that time the happy medium betwee stimulation and a home like environment. BUT, my DH works away and after a year I was simply burned out with the childcare runs before and after work. I really was about ready to snap. SO, we upgraded to an au pair, and now to a nanny.

It is up to you who you choose to hire (if you choose to hire au pair/nanny). Look at www.nannytax.co.uk for a very comprehensive list of your responsibilities.

Forevermore,
I definitely sympathise. Our first "au pair" was last summer when DD was 14 months old. Her job description and duties were more that of nanny. But, she made less money that a qualified English nanny with a few years of experience would make. I chose her under the pretense that any 20 year old with some babysitting experience could look after a toddler. I'm certain I could have at her age. I am the youngest in my family, but did lots of babysitting as a teenager. Anyway, I was soooooo WRONG. She was genuinely hard working and aimed to please. But she lacked the common sense to keep D safe. She was more interested in the internet than she was dedicated to DD when I was gone. She also (I think) was not aware that being an au pair invloves work, and is not just a free trip to a new exotic land (if you can classify Epsom as exotic).

It was all I could afford, but in retrospect, I'm lucky that nothing tragic happened to my ever so precious DD.

How many hours do you work? Since finances are tight, you might want to consider returning to work at say 4 months? I know that doesn't sound ideal. But, I am speaking from experience. I am now pregnant with DS, and will be returning to work after 3 months of maternity leave out of financial necesity. Not ideal, but hey someone has to pay the bills. (unless of course your company is giving you 6 months paid leave -- in which case I'm insanely jealous)

I have so much more to say, and will gladly type more in a bit (if you want me to).