Odd nanny candidate ---- or is it just me? All a bit suss...(long sorry)

sorry just seen u found someone..good luck

henry7th.. what are you lookin for i have spare time in the day ?

agree completely. getting moreicecubetrays to freeze

Sounds like you have put lots of thought into how things could work out, and I am sure it will go well. I remember my deep freeze being full of ice cubes of puree (al la Annabel Karmel) for months. Whatever I made the biggest amount of was always what the dc decided they didn't like! Oh happy days

She is coming to start work before I go to work so I can show How things are done and she can do the same and at the same time I understand that she has looked after children for 20 years and have lot of experience and am willing to adapt and learn if it is useful for both of us and has has children welfare in mind. For example I dont usually freeze baby food, she said she would normally do it but the reason she gave was that it saves lot of time so she spend it with the child and child tastes more flavours etc., I initially thought that I will insist that she does not freeze but on reflection I do spend lot of time making the purees and wasting quite a lot. So when she comes I will let her do it. As far the holidays are concerned I have included in the contract that 2 weeks of her holiday she can choose and the rest 3 week will be at our hoiliday time but we both agreed whenever possible we will take our holidays together.

sam - sure all will be fine

bink - very good point made!!

Sams, I am sure that your new nanny will be lovely, and that things will work out just fine. It's not about strict rules though, just about expectations, and it is useful for both parties. It may be that your contract sets out everything you need, which is fine, but have you thought about how you would manage days out, meals, discipline, holidays, and written it down? These are often things where assumptions are made, and it is useful to think things through. For example one nanny we had assumed that her holiday allowance was separate from time we gave her when we went on holiday, and that was difficult when she thought she should get paid for time off, and we thought her allowance had been used up. You never quite know what might be a difference in approach.

I am anxious because it is our first time and she has been nannying for more than 20 years. She seems to be a nice person and I have covered most of the things said here in the contract( SHE DID THE CONTRACT AND GAVE A IT FOR OUR AMENDMENTS AND HAS AGREED TO WHAT WE SAID WHICH WAS VERY REASONABLE).She has always stayed with families for long time - longest was 6 years and the current employer did say the only reason that they had to let her go is that their 2 DS are in full time education. It is difficult for me to lay down strict rules at the beginning given the fact that the references said that she is fab and always does a lot of work with children, very little TV, good nutritious healthy food given, outdoor activites planned and executed well ie., in theory I should not be anxious but I AM.

I am anxious because it is our first time and she has been nannying for more than 20 years. She seems to be a nice person and I have covered most of the things said here in the contract( SHE DID THE CONTRACT AND GAVE A IT FOR OUR AMENDMENTS AND HAS AGREED TO WHAT WE SAID WHICH WAS VERY REASONABLE).She has always stayed with families for long time - longest was 6 years and the current employer did say the only reason that they had to let her go is that their 2 DS are in full time education. It is difficult for me to lay down strict rules at the beginning given the fact that the references said that she is fab and always does a lot of work with children, very little TV, good nutritious healthy food given, outdoor activites planned and executed well ie., in theory I should not be anxious but I AM.

Good point Bink - I think also the quite personal relationship a nanny has with the parents (and love/affection for the children) means they feel obliged towards them in a way you wouldn't to your manager in a shop or office.

Our fabulous middle nanny had come from a family with five children, including one with ADHD. Sadly the family had not treated her very well, in that they hadn't paid her taxes properly for years, and she had to take them to court. I don't know if she learned from that experience, but she certainly managed us very well We haven't been in touch for a while, but I hope that she is well, and another family are enjoying her, and she them.

One thing that has been important for us to learn/remember is that the employer/nanny relationship gives the employer quite a lot of power - a nanny is a lone employee in quite an intense relationship, and she doesn't have colleagues to test out "Is this OK, am I being unreasonable, are they?" and so on. She has to rely on her own judgment & perspective, which like anyone's can get unclear.

Add to that - generalisation, I know, but - employers of nannies tend to have jobs which depend on confidence, ability to get your point across, win your argument ... and of course nannies don't, in the same way, so you can't necessarily expect them to be able to do persuading of parents at business-negotiation level.

So a big lesson for us was making sure our nanny wasn't "put on the spot" about anything that needed discussion - that, especially, dh (dear as he is, he's quite Well That's Settled Then, Great) gave our nanny time to think about our suggestions, a sympathetic ear for her point of view, readiness to think through compromises, etc. NOT treating it like your commercial negotiation thing.

To the extent we've ever had problems (and we haven't had ANY for years now) it's been about our nanny feeling she hasn't properly been given her say.

I think the key thing is to have a contract which sets out expectations as clearly as possible. Most issues are about misunderstandings. It might seem a bit anal to write everything down, but it really does help. Things like how holidays are going to be organised, the exact hours (we had a problem with one nanny when we disagreed on hours - I was often home early when she first started, and then when work picked up came home at the agreed time. She had obviously got used to the earlier time and thought I was late, and got very peeved). With smaller children using a diary can be very helpful, and a nice record - I know exactly what the children ate, how much they slept and where they went for about two years.

Friendly is good, just needs to be professional too. The more that is explicit the easier that is.

disagree about being not being friendly

i m very friendly and on excellent terms with my mb/db but if they asked me to do something i would

sams73 - why are you anxious?

you have checked out her ref, talking to current and former employers

i have ref dating back to 1991 but no one calls them but all refernces are in my folder

Don't be too friendly so that you can't get back any authority is what I meant.

I disagree, there's nothing wrong with being friendly! Just make sure you lay the rules down clearly for both sides right at the beginning - it's easy to relax things later, but not easy go the other way. If there are things that are really important to you - children always sleeping/eating at home, no sweets or tv etc - make them clear from the start. Be specific in exactly what nursery duties you want done each week, what classes you want them to go to.

Also, make sure you stick to the terms you agree with the nanny - be home on time, it's better to make her hours 15/30 minutes longer than you think you need to allow for traffic and be able to let her go home a little early, than be 10 minutes late a few times a week. Try not to spring last minute overtime or babysitting on her and don't add extra duties like your laundry or errands.

Remember she works for you and you should not be too friendly straight away.

We have just employed our first nanny after the one who we know could not job as her DP was made redudant and had to move.We have hired some one with references dating back to 1996. I spoke to the current and former emplyer in 2000 who gave excellent references. Having read this I am getting really anxious and worried as I am starting work in March and she is starting the last week of this month. She seems to be like a pro and I do like her.Any suugestions hoe the relationship shoud be and How I should behave as I was very friendly with her when she came home to sign the contract. Any adv welcome

I think you'd be on dodgy ground giving her name out on a public board like this.

Email her back, "sorry nanny A, I had intended to send that first email to a different candidate but got the addresses mixed up. But due to your, frankly bizarre response I am afraid we wont be hiring you either. Loon."

[mean face]

She sounds about 12! That is a desperately immature response. Lucky escape, I reckon...

blimey that was a lucky escape!

Meet them...suss them out, looking after your child, so must have the best. Apart from interview, spend time with them with you kids too (duh obvious) sorry not supposed to be insulting. Explore more nannies/childminders until u feel comfortable.