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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

268 replies

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 00:21

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/01/2009 23:45

Jings! CMs vs nursery- whatever! To me it is different strokes for different folks. Actually my kids have been in nurseries, but the real reason for that was because I was worried they would get so attached to a cm they would love her more than me !

Chloe, all I was going to say (before I waded through the pages of debate) was that I'm not a cm, but I have a 5yo (reception) dd a bit like this. dd2 is fantastic at playing by herself, but dd1 constantly wants attention, and it IS wearing. I try to encourage her to draw/ colour things for me and let me see them when she is finished, and she IS getting better at occupying herself, which I think is a good thing. I was an only, and my gran minded me 2 days a week. in those 2 days she carried on her normal chores, while I played happily on my own for the majority of the time. I still loved being at my grans, but I learnt to enjoy my own company, and appreciated any time my gran spent with me. I still love my own company (hence the reason I sit up for hours after poor DH has gone to bed!)

Anyway, what I am trying to say (but waffling on inanely, in fact!) is that I think it's a good thing for you to gently encourage your mindee not to need 100% of adult attention every minute. Set her tasks, flit in and out, talk to her while you both do other things- that isn't neglectful, IMO! Good luck, and I hope you continue to enjoy your childminding

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:40

Yes, I would like views from both sides, but some of the posts on here if you read the whole thread are rediculous, personal and insulting. Really unhelpful and uncalled for.

It is not a matter of agreeing/disagreeing with me as I was just asking for advice as to how to help this child and what is the best way to deal with the situation.

OP posts:

JodieO · 14/01/2009 23:35

*That doesn't

JodieO · 14/01/2009 23:34

You should be glad to hear comments from both sides imo, I wouldn't want to just hear people agreeing with me for the sake of it, surely that constitute advice?

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:30

Thanks LM1 - I am so tired tonight and can't talk much more about this but I might well take you up on that offer tomorrow

OP posts:

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:27

mumsonthejob - Thank you for that. There have been some lovely people on here too but the negative ones just get right on my nerves!! I need to hide thread really but I want to know what is said about me and then I can't help but reply which just feeds the thread.

Do you use a childminding forum? I can send you the link to a very nice one if you would like some proper advice? I wish I had posted on there, not here for this post as I would never have been jumped on like this on there. Would have got helpfull advice and support, even if it is just to say it is normal and you just need to do the best you can.

Would post on there as well but don't really want people to make the connection between me on Mn and me on the childminding forum iyswim? I just like to keep things seperate. But from now on, I am def going to use that forum and not this one for CM related questions. Much more friendly and helpfull.

OP posts:

LesbianMummy1 · 14/01/2009 23:23

chloe cat me if you want and will give you some more ideas

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:22

Actually the absloutly crap nusery I worked in for 2 years had great recomendations from a big proportion of the parents because the manger was very good at blagging her way through things. In fact, before I worked there she got caught hitting a child and convinced ofsted and the police that she didn't do it and even managed to get the childs mum to leave him there.

I am not saying CMs are better than nurseries and I hate this debate on the whole, but want to say they are not all what they seem.

The manager made life hell for any staff that would question anything and they were all too scared to say/do anything.

This nursery has now been closed down (although not 100% sure on final reason).

OP posts:

mumsonthejob · 14/01/2009 23:17

I just survived my 1st day of minding and came on for a bit of friendly suppot... eff that!!!!
Some of your responses were soooooo damn harsh.
chloejessmeg (I understand and support ya!!!) keep doing what your doing and don't ask noone for nothing it's more hassle than it's worth!!!!!
I have my on 2DC if they think that of you, it does'nt bear thinking about what they got in store for anyone else??
Unbelievable

blueshoes · 14/01/2009 23:16

The nursery manager at my dcs' nursery uses the nursery for her son. I think the staff actually prioritise the other children over her son. Nurseries are far more transparent places and they have to be whiter than white otherwise parents who shell out a small fortune will complain. 'Tis the difference between nurseries and CMs.

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 23:15

And on that cheery thought I will say goodnight.

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 23:14

Oh I see what you are trying to say.

No. Unlike CMs, who have time to phone the parents of all the 'illegal' mindees usually stuffed into their house, to pull a sickie and cancel them. Or get a load of art stuff out to the bafflement of mindees who are used to being stuck in front of CBeebies/stuck in pushchair or car on school runs all day.

Our OFSTED inspector can arrive at the door at any time on any day unannounced.

And we don't have a TV.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:13

Yes I know it is part of my job, which is why I was asking on here for ideas for the best way to provide care for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 23:11

Chloe

My laptop is going to die so I will have to go. But just wanted to add that this is what children of that age do, my 7 and 4 year olds often follow me round - part of your job I would assume. Prehaps as others have said this child would be better in a different setting, maybe someone with more experience of school age children. Best of luck anyway.

LesbianMummy1 · 14/01/2009 23:08

your own dc's at nursery where you are thought major problem was that people saw having your own children as a cm would make you prejudiced one rule for cm's another for nurseries?

you say cm's cook registers and get cornflour out

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 23:08

"Yes of course but from what I have read you seem to find your minded child a bit of a nusiance and you said something about the whole point of childminding is to be with your own children."

I can't be bothered to count the amount of times I have said I love CM and love having her here. She is not a nusiance but I need to be able to go to the loo or whatever without her following me (which she does). I explain about 1 min after the comment about being with my own children that it came out wrong in the heat of the arguement as the thread was moving so fast and I forget that on Mn you have to word everything so carfully if you don't want stick for it for 2 weeks. I went on to explain what I meant and I am not going into it again, read back if you want to know as I am getting bored of repeating myself

OP posts:

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 23:06

'guilty conscience about how you behave when OFSTED are due.'

Huh? What are you on about?

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 23:04

Yes. My DCs are at my nursery and I work there, too.

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 23:03

Following a complaint yes. But not for periodic inspections.

LesbianMummy1 · 14/01/2009 23:00

last day as a deputy was 2 years ago however am in regular contact with various other nursery managers who all confirm it still the same spot checks are normally following a complaint etc

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:58

Yes of course but from what I have read you seem to find your minded child a bit of a nusiance and you said something about the whole point of childminding is to be with your own children.

cascade · 14/01/2009 22:58

naturalbornmum you are actually being quite nasty, adding nothing to what the OP actually wanted which is ADVICE, not personal attacts.

OP you have done nothing wrong, there are some people on here that only come on to threads to be nasty and vindictive, I suggest you ignore those people and dont rise to their baiting.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:58

"But a nursery nurse will not be cooking, cleaning etc at the same time as childcare. "

As I have said several times I NEVER do any of this when she is here, other than roughly clear up after an activity - put paint pots in sink etc. And maybe do DDs milk which takes about 1 min.

OP posts:

LesbianMummy1 · 14/01/2009 22:57

are the truth buble, guilty conscience about how you behave when ofsted are due? you can do plenty with that info another question are your dc's at the same nursery?

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:56

"But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something."

If a nursery worker wrote this I would be questioning their dedication. "

So what do you expect? Am I not meant to be able to go to the loo/change a nappy or whatever? Is that what you are saying?

OP posts:

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