Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

OP/CMJ/PaP: i have not made any comments but you have my "virtual" support for what it's worth! I have been lurking and am mortified by the roasting you have received.

hope you're okay

missymoo you say :'.so anyone who feels they can judge us cm. well just stay at home and look after your own kids at least u know its to your standard. we dont do this job for people like u. we do it for the love of children and to be at home to see ours grow up .'

I'm afraid I have to comment on what you have said. You seem to imply that those parents who choose to work outside of the home should not be able to comment on the standard of care their children are receiving. Wel, I'm sorry but that is rubbish. If I disagree with something my CM has done (and I never have), then I will tell her. I wouldn't expect her response to be, 'well stay at homeand look after them yourself then.' That is quite a shocking attitude from a supposed professional.

I also take umbridge at the part about CMs choosing to stay at home to 'see ours grow up.' I must say that I work/study FT and I still see my children growing up- I have just chosen a different employment path to yours.

For what it's worth, as I have stayed out of this so far, I was reluctant to use a CM at first, as I believed my children would be safer in an environment with many adults around. However, I have chosen a fantastic CM who does so much with the children, in an immaculate yet homely environment, and still finds time to give them cuddles and kisses. She is a star! I have a lot of experience of childcare- private nursery, pre school, childminder, au pair and nursery attached to a school, and realise that any of these can be staffed badly- THAT is what makes the difference, not the type of childcare per se.

Sorry, that didn't make sence as I forgot I had name changed for another thread. I am CMJ though (OP) which is why I was saying thank you!

Thank you missymoo, I have started to ignore the unhelpful posts now and not take it to heart. Well said about CM though.

to cloejessmeg keep at it wit yuor mindee a littl at a time gradully leaving her to do things by self for longer periods ive a mindee at5 in the holidays and she sounds just like yours she wants to constantly eat all the time and chop and change activties im just fair but firm and follow through with what u say she soon gets in to the routine as for ideas ask her what she want to do and sit on the floor and do it then once u have started it jut say to her in a min im going to go and get ds bottle ,then reapeat it a few times over 10 mins then do it but com back and sit at the side of her then each time u do this with her sit a little further away and stay away longer graduly u should build up longer space so she learns hope this helps good luk ..and egnor all the busybodys..lol

i cant believe some off the comments early on in this thread and am glad u lot made lite of it now god im a c.m. an have 4 kids of my own 8,6,5,20 monthes so im really fooked at lookin after mindees then arnt i and as for putting my kids 2nd best dont think so all the kids in my care r equal and i teach them the house rules that apply to every one and they all follow our routine ie meal time ,play,time tidy up time ,what activties we do and i see to the childrens needs ie nappy changes as and when and every one just has to wait there turn i see all the kids as if they were mine they r that comfy at my house that they dont wan t to go home thats as they r having to much fun .all my mums know that i have 4 kids and love the fact that there kids r getting the family feel as the r the only children .so anyone who feels they can judge us cm. well just stay at home and look after your own kids at least u know its to your standard. we dont do this job for people like u. we do it for the love of children and to be at home to see ours grow up .

well he does have a helicopter now but always suspected he batted for the same side... FS always flirted with naughty normans mum, and who was the father aye, not Elvis... oh dear i think i need a large pino.... and a life..

Yes agree, but to be fair to PP I think he would make a better CM than FS. Just my gut instinct.

spooky, I always fancied Fireman Sam myself, far hotter than Postman Pat...

In case of a fire I would call fireman sam and I would never be a childminder for that naughty Norman that's for sure!

With EYFS all childcare provision have the same goals, administration and are accountable to OFSTED. There are satisfactory nurseries and outstanding CMs and vice versa. I know good and bad examples in both categories.

For me I sometimes feel that I am far harsher on my own dd(3) than my mindee (4.5) There levels of expected responsibility should be different i.e. I should expect my dd not to be able to concentrate on her own for long and should expect my mindee to concentrate for longer than her. It isn't so. My dd often gets left with a jigsaw while I cook tea and is asked to play with her sister to entertain her if I need to do something- because I have expectations she is capable of this. If you don't have high expectations how do they learn any responsibility?
Mindee doesn't listen to instructions because his parents have done so much for him, consequently he still can't cut with a knife! I expect my 3yo to attempt to use a knife and to always use her fork instead of fingers as appropriate, mindee on first day proceeded to eat with fingers without any attempt with cutlery His confidence is low because children like praise for doing well and being productive, just as adults do.

In a fire, I would save my children first if they were in immediate danger, then save others. I did not say I would run. But I would prioritise my own, all things being equal.

thanks Dilldaydreamer,
just makes you want to scream or cry sometimes,the amount of crap and hearsay about cms. Why would anybody assume we dont care about our jobs as much as the next child care professional...so sad..

Here here the body!
Today I went to a dancing group for tots, had lunch, then we had stories when my mindee was home. Only have my 2 during school hours at the mo so both go to bed in the afternoon, or we would be doing stuff then too.

as i said so we agree, children form the closest bond with parents and not the cm or nursery carer..

As for the maternal instinct, My dd is having a sleepover on Saturday, 4 9year olds..if fire rages I will save them all or die trying... thats what I would expect another mum to do for my kids...not grab their own and run for it..

I use the time on the way home from school to talk about my mindees day, often he doesn't want to share it but he has the opportunity. I also would suggest putting aside 10mins to go through her reading book. Explain clearly that she is a big girl and should be able to find an activity (providing she is familiar with where things are and accessible). Explain what will happen when i.e me. When we get home we will have snack, I want you to get changed before we do anything. While having snack I say right after snack you can draw, paint, glue, colour in, play a game, play doh, do jigsaws and then when I start dinner you will have to play nicely without me. Be firm and answer the request explaining that you have to do x before playing and that she needs to have a try herself. I have been known to ask if they would be more bored sat on their own in the hallway (time out) as loitering and sulking are a variation on tantrums iyswim. Normally they go and get on with it. HTH as it is frustrating. How long have you been her CM?

sorry just read bubbles99. What a horrible
post about cms.

I have had my lovely mindees today from 8 till 5.30..
We have attended a play meeting, played with glue, playdoh, sand and water, we danced and sang and still had time to wrap up warm and feed the ducks, we had cozy cuddles with warm toast and a blanket and lots of stories... dont judge us by your own child care standards in some nursery, ... oh and by the way ofsted can call on us unnanounced as well..
Most cms are child care professionals who strive to do an excellent job for their mindees and care deeply for them...

If there was any chance my child would be a serious harm, I would save him/her. I would not even look at any other thing but my children. You can call me an indecent human being, but I call it maternal instinct.

I have no issue with cms and the usurping of the bond. My children DON'T form bonds with their carers in that way at all. This is from observation. My dd formed a close bond with a particular carer in the toddler room. But when she moved to a bigger room, she did not miss that carer at all or even recognise her sometimes . Mothers of nannies also report the same. It does not trouble me.

Blueshoes, I really dont understand your post.
Would you really save your own child IF another child was in more danger...thats not civic duty thats being a decent human being...

But I think I understand the antipathy to cms, you would rather be the one who builds up the strong bond with your children and are afraid that a cm would usurp that..
You are wrong you know, my mindees are lovely and we share a great bond but they always look out for mum and dad at home time just as nursery children do....

There are great cms and great nursies and poor cms and poor nurseries.. thats recognised facts...

And Chloe, by the time this thread is over mindee will be have past driving test so take heart.. whose up for a debate on working or stay at home mums.... lol!!!!!

blueshoes- lol! I think most people who know me in RL would think it hilarious that I might be an introvert, as I am honestly quite the opposite ! As a child my mum encouraged me to use my own nous to entertain myself, hence my approaching other little children when we went on holiday/ when I went to school/ anywhere new, with "hello, little girl, my name is Jooly and I will be your friend!" Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't, but I have done much the same all my life, even when dd1 was a baby, and I had to make a whole new group of friends. There is a big difference between enjoying your own company and being an introvert! I don't need other people to amuse me. But sometimes I like their company. As such, I am fairly confident and socialise widely- I am quite happy going to a conference of 400 people for a weekend without knowing anyone in advance, for example. But I actually think the ability to socialise and be a person that people want to have around begins with being comfortable in your own space, and not coming across as clingy and needy. To be able to use your imagination to entertain yourself can never be a bad thing, IMO. It goes along with being independant- minded, and this is why I encourage dd1 to play on her own. As it is, she seems too worried about wanting other people to like her, and wanting to fit in (already!), while dd2 doesn't seem (and never has seemed!) to give 2 hoots what anyone else says/ thinks. I worry less about dd2 (although she can be a little troll in her own way!)

chloe, "I am not saying CMs are better than nurseries and I hate this debate on the whole, but want to say they are not all what they seem."

This line about parents not knowing what goes on at nurseries is trotted out time and again, like we are all absent sheep who are hoodwinked by the wily managers and carers.

As if parents don't drop in nurseries at all times of the day. As if parents don't peep into the rooms before they go in - you know, after 5 years of using nurseries, I still do this especially with a pre-verbal child. As if children, after a certain age, don't themselves tell their parents what goes on at nursery. The carers may not tell me who hit my dc at nursery that day due to procedures, but my dc sure as hell will. I barely speak to my nursery manager - she has no opportunity to blag to me.

If I was afraid about what goes on behind closed doors (and I am), I would sooner use a nursery - which is a far more open environment with more and older children - than a CM working in her house.

joolyjoo, from what you write about liking your company, you sound like an introvert (nothing wrong with that, I consider myself one as well ). However, it is likely that your dd1 is an extrovert. Same with my dd and my ds - they are very sociable and will always prefer company to toys. Dd 5 is also so much better at entertaining herself, all of this happening in the last few months.

I too have to get my dcs to try to occupy themselves - that's life. What I want to avoid is using a carer for my child, who not having been exposed to one like my dd, thinks that dd should be able to occupy herself by reception age. As if there is something wrong with my child because the carer is prevented from getting on with other things. It is just dd's personality but she will get better. At least at a nursery, you have a better chance of getting carers with no preconceptions and more carers with time and space to play with my dd when she requires it.

I find in any case that my dcs are much better at entertaining themselves in a nursery setting because there is so much going on and friends to play with. When they get home, they revert to being clingons, which is understandable because they miss me. Hence a CM-type family setting is not always the best for this type of child.

This thread is CRAZY!

cjm, I can't believe the attitude of some of the people on here towards CM's

If you can be bothered to trawl through the bile, there have been some posts offering good ADVICE

(And I think you've done really well not to get nasty back at some of the postersnobs on here who are obviously hoping to get a rise out of you)