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Original poster

Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

268 replies

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 00:21

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

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Original poster
chloejessmeg · 21/01/2009 19:48

Thank you - that is really helpful. She sounds exactly like my mindee.

OP posts:
leonifay · 21/01/2009 18:52

hi chloe, i've read a few of my replies, and i think people never know quite what its like untill they are in the situation. my mindee is 4. i have her for 6 hours a day, and she wont play on her own. she follows me if i leave the room crys if i go to toilet, it can be quite annoying! i've found the tv works i sit with her for 5 mins then quietly sneek out to do the washing up, although i dont leave it on for more than 30 mins an its usually at the end of the day. or really explaining where i'm going e.g 'i'm going upstairs because i really need the toilet. i'm leaving the living room stairgate open and the playroom door open but i'm closing this gate as i dont want you to go upstairs.' this is usally followed by a 'why are you going to the toilet', so its, 'because i really need to go', and a conversation about what happands when people dont use the toilet, about 20-30 mins later shes usually happy for me to go!
also if i'm washing up i give her a bowl on the counter next to me and washes up the (clean) plastic plates and cups. if i'm sweeping the floor after an activity i let her play with warm water in the sink. quite often we have a teddybears picnic, shes happy to talk to teddybears and i can sneek out.
with your baby i would suggest letting her 'help' you getting her to hand you clean nappies and clothes, let her watch you put your child to bed, that type of thing.
i have to say nothing i do during the day are things that can be left, its usually things like sweeping the floor after a playdouh or cutting and sticking activity, washing up, making dinner, sorting out her bag to go home. things that i feel are esential fpr her to play in a clean environment.
i hope some of this helps.

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 21/01/2009 10:35

I know, I kept thinking that I should stop posting, but it is hard when people male false accusations, not to defend yourself.

OP posts:
Amanda78 · 20/01/2009 23:03

Chloe,

It is obvious that some of the comments have been a deliberate attempt to hurt your feelings and give this thread an argumentative tone.

The fact you have entertained it for so long is probably your biggest mistake but I understand why you have continued to post, considering how personal these comments have been.

Move on, and like you say get you advise and support else where. Good luck!

thebody · 20/01/2009 22:06

dont let the loonies take over the asylum....

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 20/01/2009 21:19

Easier said than done though.

OP posts:
thebody · 20/01/2009 18:35

Chloe, ignore them and always be yourself. I honestly think lots of people dont realise how hurtful they have been, and they know who they are.. stay

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/01/2009 23:19

Don't take it too much to heart, CMJ. On the internet people can see things that aren't actually there in RL, because they aren't looking at the whole picture. I told a couple of people in RL that I was thought of as an introvert due to what I said on this thread and they laughed loudly! But you have to accept that posters are only seeing one side of you on here. I really wouldn't let it get to you!

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 19/01/2009 23:14

Thanks for the encouragement. See the problem is, although I have since started other threads and got helpful advice, I am constantly watching what I say and can't actully have the full conversation that I could if I was being more open. But since being jumped on so much in this thread, I don't feel I can talk opening on MN about childminding anymore. It is a shame but there are lots of other forums that this would have never happened on.

OP posts:
noonki · 19/01/2009 20:55

oh don't go chloe

this has been one of the worst examples of a thread gone bad that I have seem.

Being were literally talking out of their arses. They have no understanding of how brilliant a good childminder is and seem to have absolutely ridiculous ideas of nurseries and Nannies. And have totally unreasonahle expectaions of what a childminder should do.

I would love to see some of that lot at work. I'm sure they never take a break, go to the loo etc.

You sound like you do your job brilliantly.

please stay

thebody · 19/01/2009 20:30

Dont leave us normal ones Chloejessmeg!!! we need you girl....

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 19/01/2009 17:24

Exactly

OP posts:
nomoreamover · 19/01/2009 14:58

chloe I just read through this thread again as couldn't work out how much advice you could give for yoru situation - and I am shocked and saddened by the crap you've got. You asked a perfectly reasonable question, and some people gave you perfectly helpful advice. As for the rest of em - they are enough to make you want to turn back on mumsnet - jeez if this is how other women show support - sod em!

Its made me feel quite sick to the stomach actually

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 19/01/2009 11:12

But then again there has also been some useful posters, thank you for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
chloejessmeg · 19/01/2009 11:11

I have just looked through this thread again and TBH just have to laugh at some of the responses. It is rediculous IMO and TBH it is actually making me consider leaving mumsnet, if I can't use it for some simple advice then what is the point? And if the Mums on here think that a child is not being looked after properly because you occasionally need to take 2 mins to do something with another child, then I am not sure that these are the best people to be talking to anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
chloejessmeg · 19/01/2009 09:56

Thank you, last few posts.

OP posts:
thebody · 18/01/2009 17:36

Oh my goodness chloe., are you still getting grief...
As a mum and a cm I think its normal for a 5 year old to be able to amuse herself for quite a long stretch of time..
Think we need to remember that its only recently that adults seem to have hyjacked childrens leisure times. some of the poor little dears my daughters age(9) have an activity every day of the week. You only have to go out for a meal today to see children who are loud, attention seeking and cant sit down and eat quietly as their parents struggle to control them.
You are being paid as a cm to keep her safe, warm and obviously offering her lots to do. Its just as important to let her know that she has to sometimes wait and share your attention with others.
That lesson is just as important to her social education as any art and crafts activity.

missymoo2411 · 18/01/2009 16:57

well said dillydaydreamer ..

Dillydaydreamer · 18/01/2009 16:10

Chloe I am appalled by the unrealistic expectations of people on this thread. As a CM it means giving EQUAL care to all children and that includes your own dcs. I often end up spending more time with the mindee than my dds when he gets home from school. I recon cile this as

  1. I am being paid
  2. my dds get my undivided attention for the time my mindee is at school.
  3. I make sure all their basic needs are met. You could perhaps give her responsibility and ask her to pass nappies, wipes and bags for you to help? Get her to read to you while you wash up? or something similar.
Really sad for all the stupid and ignorant posters. To those who are classed in that. No matter where your child is cared for they will only ever have undivided attention at home if they are an only child- grow up!
Original poster
chloejessmeg · 18/01/2009 10:34

Thank you coolj - that has really helped. I haven't taken any of it to heart anymore as frankly, some of the replies are just rediculous so I can't take them seriously TBH.

I think my mum has some of those knitting things (are they dolly pegs? Or something like that?). She was a childminder years ago and lends me stuff all the time so we have a constant supply of new things that we won't hopefully get bored of. MIL is a childminder too and if it worked with time, I would be happy to spend time round there, so mindee can make friends. But it isn't practical to drive over there and back etc in those 2 hours and it wouldn't be fair to drag her around that much.

OP posts:
coolj · 18/01/2009 09:35

Hi Chloe, Ive just looked at this thread (well some of it) and am appalled by some peoples replies. It seems to be happening time and time again on here, picking fights and nitpicking. (They really do need to get a life). I feel so sorry for you.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand.

I too looked after a child of that age as well as his brother and my DC both 3. The five yo wouldnt sit still for 2 mins and easily got bored. I always laid out activities and he had free range of all the toys but the only thing that he would sit still with, alongside other children, was mobilo. He loved copying the designs in the booklet and became very good at it.

Perhaps you will find something that your mindee gets engrossed in. How about items that link together to make a big chain. Ive got a jewelery activity and you can link all the shapes together and make necklaces etc. It is quite fun or perhaps one of those knitting thingys, (is it called a dolly or something) where a big long snake comes out the middle. (sorry gone brain dead).

Anyway from one good childminder to another, just ignore all the prats out there, there are still some of us on here willing to help and not rip you to shreds.

Original poster
chloejessmeg · 18/01/2009 00:48

Was ignoring the negatives but think I need to clear something up:

  • I look after this child for Max 2 hours a day
  • The first 20 mins or so is taken up by the school run, so chatting all the way home etc
  • We arrive home, mindee gets changed and has something to eat
  • By this time, there is usually only say half hour left, but varies greatly.
  • We then do an activity such as cookings something, painting, playdough or whatever.
  • She then goes home
  • In between these things, I do also have a 1 year old to look after. The fact that she is my own DD has nothing to do with it, she still needs looking after. I involve her in the activities when possible, but she might sometimes need me to get her some toys out or change her nappy if she pooes etc. I should be able to do this, as she needs care too and is not going to be ignored.

How the hell do some of you think this is bad childcare? I KNOW that on the days she doesn't come to me, she watches TV as soon as she gets home and other than dinner etc that is all she does till she goes to bed. She looks forward to coming here and often doesn't want to go home.

And I have never said I have been a Nanny for a decade or so before becoming a CM - no idea where that came from.

Yes I have looked after/worked with 5 year olds before, but I have never had this problem. In fact, I have a brother in law the exact same age who will happily carry on with something. And guess what!?! His mum has a 3 year old and a 6 month old to look after!! Oh no, she must not be looking after him properly!! Surely nobody can look after a baby at the same time as an older child!!!!

Sorry but some people on here need to get realistic. CMs are more than capable of looking after more than one child, otherwise we wouldn't be CM. Just asked a simple question because I am new to this and want to provide the best possible care.

And for somebody commenting on me buying stuff for her - it is not to fob her off. I want her to be happy and therefore got lots of new activities that we can do together. Including a huge activity set, etc that we can do. Not because I can't be bothered to do stuff with her, because I want to and I am doing my best here. The new equipment is an investment into childminding because if I don't buy stuff for her age, we would end up with just stuff suitable for my DD which isn't going to work for older children.

But no matter what I say, I am in the wrong apparently.

At the end of the day, if I didn't care about this child - why the hell would I be doing this? I am not earning a penny out of this and get to spend my evenings doing paperwork and thinking of great ways to make my childminding the best it can, which yes, includes buying new stuff, thinking of activities and looking online for advice, which I am obviously going to go else where for from now on as if people on here can't even get their head around the fact that childminders care for their own children, and can't always give one on one attention, and might EVEN need to go to the loo then frankly, this is not a good place to ask for advice. My mistake.

OP posts:
needtodohousework · 18/01/2009 00:30

I think some parents on here are acting like the child is being ignored or not looked after properly.

If a CM has said she does a full activity every day with the mindee, with under 2 hours a day I would say that is plenty with the child also getting changed/having something to eat or whatever. If the CM needs to get up from doing the activity for 2 mins - that is not ignoring the child or not taking care of her needs. That is day to day stuff and common sense.

The 5 year old is getting most of the attention, but the 1 year old is still going to need some sort of attention. Yes not the whole time but the 1 year old should never be ignored just because the mindee is only there for 9 hours a week. It just wouldn't be right.

"I think it is sad that a paid childcare professional finds it bizarre" I don't think anybody has said it is bizarre. At least, I read an OP just asking what other childminders do when the child won't do anything.

It is sad that when a CM tries to improve her care by asking some simple advice - she gets attacked for what seems like nothing to me. Other than a few parents who don't like CMers in general and then a few followers who like to jump in for the hell of it.

"I would be mightily pissed of as a parent if my CM was expecting to do anything but give my child full attention for a lousy two hours a day." So you shouldn't choose a CM!!! FFS! CM DO NOT GIVE 1 TO 1 ATTENTION!!! Most CM have lots of children after school, as well as toddlers and probably their own children. It is completely mad to expect your child to get 1 to 1 attention at a CM!!! I think some people need to work out what CM actually are!

"i don't know. i'm not a childminder because i wouldn't feel comfortable getting paid to look after other peoples' kids and then not doing that because i was looking after my own, tbh." SO...how is this child not being looked after? Because the CM has another child to deal with as well?? Get real!!!!

Judy1234 · 17/01/2009 23:07

Children differ. I constantly have this conversation with my poor sister who has one child in particular who just will never leave her alone and he's abit older than this one. I keep saying he';l grow out of it and she keeps asking at what age mine would actualyl play alone or with each other. Some children are very very needy of the adult interactnio and others aren't but a little 5 year old who will be exhausted from starting school probably would want between 3 and 5 to sit on the knee of the CM or help change the baby's nappy and would want to chatter away about her day rather than be on her own.

It's hard to tell from the thread who needy the child is or how just normal in termso f wanting to chat etc.

tankie · 17/01/2009 22:31

Well, we'll just have to disagree. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a child of that age to amuse themselves. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask advice on a childcare board. I do think a lot of the nastiness on this thread is a bit shocking though.

Some people seem to like to play at being outraged.