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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

God, my au pair/mother's help just kicked my 5 year old!

346 replies

kittywise · 10/12/2008 09:43

Obviously I've told her she has to leave today. I'm so pissed off . Just needed to vent

OP posts:
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juuule · 11/12/2008 16:37

No jealousy or envy here, either.
In fact, reading through this I feel a sense of relief that I don't feel it's necessary for us to get an ap or other help.
It all sounds very difficult and intrusive.

Seriously, Kitty, you might find things a lot easier if you just got on with it yourself.

katherinejane · 11/12/2008 16:27

@ dsrplus 8 & mygreatauntgriselda4christmas:

Jealous? Of a woman who's got six kids, a huge house she's struggling to keep clean and a racist husband??

No way - I'll plump for my two kids, my two bed ex-council flat and my educated, enlightened, tolerant husband!

mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 15:09

That sounds a good idea

In that way you are not relying on one person either - in case they turn out to be unreliable

Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 14:50

Some have lived in and it makes it difficult. All the people on here who have vilified me because of my recent run of bad luck just don't know anything about the situation.

I think the route I'm going to go down is get a cleaner for a couple or so mornings a week and then a normal au pair to do 4-5 hours in the afternoon evening, that way the work load is spread out and I'm not asking someone to be all things.

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mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 14:25

Kitty - unfortunately some people are just good at bull sh*tting their way through job interviews aren't they? I've interviewed a few people in my time who did excellent interviews, then turned out to be completely bonkers

Do they live in with you? I would have thought that would bring into play all sorts of issues too, around lifestyle/expectations etc etc

Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 14:20

one from the philippines and the other didn't say but at a guess I would say china, but that's guess?

They were both older women who had families and first hand experience with running a house.

One can do 5 days but is more expensive so I can afford only 3.5 hours a day. The other cheaper so can do 4 hours a per day but can't work on thursday as she has no childcare so now I am in a dillema!

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blueshoes · 11/12/2008 14:13

which part of the Far East ...?

Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 14:12

The two women who came for interview today both seemed like they would be good, reliable, efficient cleaners and helpers. They were both from the far east............

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Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 13:56

willbury, au pair plus's are different to normal au pairs as are mother's help. The role described was very explicit, there were no hidden extras. The money is also way above the norm.
As I said the reasons for the au pairs being unsuitable were all very different, no problem were the same.

have you ever had an au pair? Do you have an idea how difficult is to sift through and choose an appropriate person? You can make a good guess, take a punt and often the person who initially presented themselves at interview is not the same person who turns up to work, like they have undergone a personality change.
Each time I learn about what I need, what I don't want etc. Which cutures my family are better suited to etc I was very lucky with my first 2 au pairs and perhaps very spoilt because they were so wonderful and stayed for so long.

Don't make it out to be my fault, anyone who knows me and me family will tell you that we are pretty nice people.

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mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 13:13

Kew - LOL!!

Back off Missus - she's MINE

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 11/12/2008 13:13

i didnt see what was said.

but was to find what i felt a homophobic post yesterday with hardly ant comments about the vile wording used.

WillburyNibbleQC · 11/12/2008 13:12

I thought au pairs were supposed to do light duties in return for board and lodging whilst they studied?

Is it perhaps that your au pair expected this arrangement, and was then shocked to find she was expected to work 35 hours?

An adult kicking a child is appalling.
I assume your DD apologised for kicking too, and has been sanctioned?
I would also make it clear that she was pushing her luck in demanding an apology when her behaviour started the whole incident.

I am stunned by the racist comments, tbh. It comes as no surprise to hear that this au pair never really fitted in with your family.

If this is your third "help" that has been and gone since September, perhaps you need to tighten up your interview process, and make the exact nature of the role explicitly clear?

wickedwitchofthesoutheast · 11/12/2008 13:11

whilst I do actually agree with the points made about people making various sweeping generalisations about various cultures, as a black person I took offence to the phrasing of the original offending post. You can argue til you're blue in the face, if I had gone for an interview+a prospective employer had said to me that they couldn't possibly hire a 'black person' due to whatever reason, I'd have been just as offended.
Its black and white as far as I'm concerned, so don't try to justify it!

belgo · 11/12/2008 13:10

Glad your au pair is gone Kitty, you did the right thing. An adult kicking a child is never acceptable.

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 11/12/2008 13:06

at au pair.glad shes gone.

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2008 13:06

sadly auntie CM is actually ours

mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 13:02

Blueshoes LOL at "he is mine"

I have some fabulous Polish builders and feel the same about them

They are mine

..and my lovely Irish CM is mine too

blueshoes · 11/12/2008 12:57

The builder I now use on bigger jobs is ... British. I love him, he is great. He is mine. Every other British builder has not been great.

The one British cleaner I had was very indifferent in her cleaning and frequently cancelled at the last minute.

Stereotypes for you.

mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 12:55

dsr - I sense an element of jealousy in a lot of the comments too

Kitty has six beautiful children and the most gorgeous house and she can afford not to work and employ home-help. I am but in a nice way

mygreatauntgriselda4christmas · 11/12/2008 12:53

Kitty I don't employ British builders 'cos they always try and rip us off

Most of them don't even bother sending a quote after "pricing" the job

If that makes me a racist, so be it

dsrplus8 · 11/12/2008 12:37

kitty good luck with the interviews, hope you get some good help, but id stick with cleaners and leave the au pairs for now. there seems to be a envy on mn for ladies,who have large houses and help,who wouldnt love the chance to have fun with the kids and not have to do the mundane chores???

Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 12:33

Thankyou to all who have been supportive and kind, it means a lot to me.

I think the road I am going to try and go down is have a part time cleaner a few mornings and get an au pair for afternoon/evening shifts that way the work is spread out

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Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 12:29

Thanks blue shoes

Look I've already sad it was a crappy post and have said sorry.

Foe anyone that ants to keep on banging on about me being a racsist, now just read what i have said.

if you can't be arsed to read then that is your choice,like bluegreen, then that is your choice, but I'm getting mighty pissed off with saying that i"t was a clumsy thing to have said and I shouldn't have said it and didn't mean it like that".

I won't ever be saying that again, so read it now
I make many generalisations about different cultures and many, many people do.

I for one will never, ever employ another white british cleaner again because all the ones,( and I mean all of them,)I have had had the misfortune to employ have been lazy sloppy and unreliable.

Does that make me racist?

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Original poster
kittywise · 11/12/2008 12:23

bluegreen shame on you I've already answered that question, READ THE THREAD or you end up asking pointless questions and making meaningles, unpleasant comments.

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ElectraInExcelsis · 11/12/2008 12:19

Many people are very fond of saying 'I am not a racist'

but unfortunately we are all capable of saying / doing things that are racist because prejudice is part of human nature. Which is why is it very important to question and consider your views and ideas about things, and consciously get rid of anything that is clearly unacceptable.