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Original poster

CM Club: I think I am being taken for granted or am I being too harsh?

57 replies

NumberFour · 05/11/2008 10:03

I need some advice please, on whether I am being reasonable or not!

Early Jan this year I received a phone call from Mum asking me to to school pick ups for her from the start of the term. I could help out, so I did. Four weeks before summer holidays started i received a text message giving me notice saying that Mum was taking time off work for the summer.

Two days before the new year started I received a call from Mum asking me if I could childmind for her again. She thought school started the very next day! But when I confirmed when she needed me to start (I had a vacancy) she realised school only started a couple of days later (!!) and that was when I would start childminding.

More often than not she is half an hour late for pick without a text warning or a phone call. Her pick up is already 6.30pm so a 7pm pick up is really late for my family as I have a 4 year old who needs to get ready for bed and a really small house where noise travels easily and LOUDLY!

I have talked to Mum about late pick ups on a number of ocassions. My DH is a bit fed up to say the least and I feel as if I am being taken for granted.

Mum works shifts so from one week to the next I do not know whether I am providing breakfast or supper. Some mornings are 7 drops off and 4pm pick up after school and other days are collection after school and 6.30 (supposedly) pick up.

I texted Mum the Sunday before term started and asked when would I be having her child. She phoned me the following morning.

I feel as if I am at her beck and call but part of me thinks that maybe she does not appreciate the fact that I need to plan things and arrange matters to accommodate her child.

I have decided to give her notice but I am worried that I am being too harsh. Her running late puts a huge strain on me and DH. I 100% understand that sometimes people are late and that unforeseen circumstances arise. But I feel that she is taking the p*ss.

WWYD????

Losing her will not break the bank. Just dent it somewhat.

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Shoshe · 05/11/2008 13:11

Thank you No.4, cos I thought I was rambling

Original poster
NumberFour · 05/11/2008 12:54

I think again it is one of those cases of learning by your mistakes.

No, Quintetc, I stupidly do not have a fine in place. I only charge double my hourly rate after 7pm. Fat lot of good that is. Guess what one of my new policies will be!!!

Shoshe, when you put my situation as succintly (SP??) as that, it makes it all perfectly clear.

Jennipennie, on the whole I also have good relationships with my parents so this kind of thing really throughs me. Like many CMs I do not like confrontation and you are 100% right about that knot in the tummy thing. Spot on - will she be late? how late will she be? how annoyed will DH be? how much calming of the domestic waters must I AGAIN do because mum is late.

Oh boy, Notice it is going to be.

Thanks again, all of you!

OP posts:
JenniPenni · 05/11/2008 11:22

I have learnt the hard way as a childminder that people WILL take advantage if they can... most of my parents have never though and I love working with them. But there are always those that do.

If this is affecting your home life you need to give notice, for me, family come first. You probably have a knot in your tummy every day when minding her child, not knowing how the evening will go, and it's not fair on your family, or you.

Perhaps write a letter, start charging for being late (this might clear it up immed!), tell her you are not insured for uncontracted time etc, and give it a time limit... if she continues to do things her own way, give notice.

Shoshe · 05/11/2008 10:53

First bit, Mum ended contract for the summer, so that she wouldn't pay retainer I suppose, but what would she have done if you had filled the vacancy?

Second, what ever the job, she has, you shut your doors at 6.30. you have told her this, she is not complying with it. The late finishes are interfering with your home.

Third, she is using you when it is convenient, which OK has been fine for you up to now.

Now it is not, give notice.

QuintessentialGunpowderPlot · 05/11/2008 10:31

Do you have a fine in place if she picks up late?

My last nursery in London introduced a £10 for each ten minutes late, so half an hour would be £30. They sent a letter out to all parents saying that they were introducing this fine for all the children as there were a few that were constantly picked up late, and staff needed to finnish on time, and the nursery was not insured for children who stayed beyond their agreed time.

I dont know if this is something you could adapt to suit your particular situation.

Original poster
NumberFour · 05/11/2008 10:27

Articlemming, thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate hearing a parent's perspective in some cases more than another CM (with all respect to my fellow minders!)

The problem is that I had agreed with DH that if things did not improve I would give notice. That may sound like I am doing what he asks and that is not the case. What I must do is put my family first and having 7 pm pick ups time and again has taken its toll.

I know that this Mum is going to find it difficult to get another CM to help out.

And yes, she is in healthcare .

But I feel like I need someone's permission to put me and DH and my son first!! How pathetic am I.

I think I should pluck up the courage and give notice.

OP posts:
arcticlemming · 05/11/2008 10:12

I'm not a childminder but use one. I don't think you're being unreasonable and wouldn't treat my CM like that, but do wonder (as someone who used to work shifts) whether she's just used to a more chaotic lifestyle and expects everyone to be able to roll with the punches. If you're unsur whether to terminate her contract I would suggest maybe you give her one last chance and say you will need to give her notice unless she a. gives you a copy of her shift pattern 1 month in advance and b. does not pick up late (which I think is really unacceptable). My only caveat is whether she is working in health care etc. - my experience is it's often difficult to get off on time for really good reason. However, in that case maybe she needs to find alternative childcare anyway, as agree in your situation 7pm is very difficult.