Am I paying au pair enough? Heeelp

Your au pair sounds lovely and so do you. Just throwing in a quick idea - as you can't afford to pay her more, is there any extra 'work' you could do for her instead? ie can you be her taxi service when she goes out or give her one to one help with her language skills?

60 per week X 4= 240 a month before adding the extra hours, why do you think she is hinting that the other girl earns more? I wouldn't ask jer not to be a nanny as depending of her cultural background she may be acting as naturally as any other of her co-nationals IYWIM. She may even find it a bit strange to be asked not to be so "fantastic" with the children. However, if you still want to pay her a bit more and can't afford it, the suggestion of reducing the hours is a very good one.

What does she do in the five hours? I think usually au pairs are expected to do lighthousework/look after kids with you present/babysit occasionally in return for board and pocket money (around £50 per week?). If she's in sole charge of your 9month old it sounds like she may be doing considerably more than this and at a salary of £2.40 per hour- pretty low wage, IMO. It doesn't sound like you're mean to me, just skint in the nanny hiring stakes! Can you find any extra to hire her as a nanny? If not, I think you need to be clear that no matter how much you wish she was a nanny and how capable she is of being a nanny, SHE IS NOT A NANNY. Expect au pair's duties of her if you can only pay her as an au pair, I think. If you don't there may be lots of resentment from both sides in the future, even if you are both lovely people, as you sound. Maybe you need to sit down and clarify her role with her and explain what you can afford to pay? E.g: I think we would both love you to be our nanny with a good salary but that's not possible atm, so I need to know if you can cope with the very different role of being our au pair and being paid much less. I think I might reduce her hours a bit if at all possible. And I would definitely enforce a standard finishing time- don't let her ignore her hours because she may start to feel that this becomes expected and feel taken advantage of somewhere down the line. Hope you can work things out.She sounds great.

You sound like a wonderful woman!

I think the most important thing to do right now is take a deep breath and be realistic (Don't beat yourself over the head, it never helps the process). If your au pair is receiving 90 pounds a week, that's 360 pounds a month and more than her friend. This means in five months, she will have made 1800 pounds. Her friend will have made 1000.

If I have calculated correctly, that seems like a fair deal to me. She is a live in au pair with relatively low extra costs (aside from her class, which would still leave her with 1300 pounds when you deduct it from her wages). Perhaps, it might be wise to point this out to her and ask her for a realistic budget if she still feels like she needs more money.

Otherwise, as sweet as it is that you want to get extra work to pay her, this hardly seems fair to you and, I believe, will inevitably result in frustration and possibly even resentment later on.

Try to put it in perspective, it's just money. Breathe deeply, forget your desperation, and focus on the task at hand. Some simple (and effective) words of wisdom from my own mother!

And for God's sake, stop waiting for something to go awry! You'll just invite disaster!

Good luck,
Yeshi

It does sound like she's feeling a bit hard done by and he friend might be hassling her to get the 'best deal' she can. Can you ask what her friend's accommodation is like? Does she have an en-suite? How many children does she look after? What duties does she have? It's not just about the hours, IMO.

Hi hun, am afraid I have no idea how much an au pair is paid - is your au pair's friend doing comparable hours?