APs and family holidays

Ingles truly appreciate this and i guess we are lucky in both respects being able to afford and good AP's -
i think i will refrain from passing judgement until hormones have calmed down :0

Springer I totally appreciate your hormones making you blunt
However in all honesty, I really don't think there are posters on here who hand over £50 and expect brilliance in return.
There are posters on here though, who can barely afford disney for themselves let alone the AP.

Since our au pairs leave at the beginning of the summer, we have never had the issue of an au pair coming on our summer holiday.

Since we house swap for holidays the option of leaving the au pair at home is not one we can take. If we go on holiday during the time that the AP is with us we offer her the option of coming with us or going off on her own.

Last year we went to Edinburgh for the new year and the AP came with us because she wanted to. We shared a house, we did things together and separately, she baby sat for us once, I babysat while she, DS1 and DH went to Princes Street on NYE. I think we did things fairly and she enjoyed herself.

We are doing the same thing this year and the AP will either come with us or extend her Christmas holiday at home, she has not decided yet.

i know what i wrote was a little blunt - i am pregnant (again) feeling a little emotional etc. however, i have had AP's for the last 6 yrs and i hear of so many of them just turning up and being treated like a slave, no training, no family time and with little regard as to how hard it is to be young and have the responsibility of doing everything to the high standards of the family and then having no reward.
I truly appreciate that the AP might not want to come however, we took ours to disney last year and it was fabulous - we have always has AP's who want to do their own thing - we sit down at the beginning of the day and say this is what we are going to do etc. she was great for flight, looking after kids whilst we looked after the bags- she helped in the queues, looked after little one whilst we went in the pool with oldest one (otherwise one of us is always sitting with little one), she played with the kids and made herseld scare in the evening - she stayed in the parks etc.
again have taken AP's to Centerparcs and are doing so next week.
the bit about cheap labour was a pointer at all those famalies who give their AP £50 per week and nothing else, they expect them to be at their beck and call and never include them. they even buy them 'value' food because it annoys them that the AP's eat THEIR food.
BettyBoo we are the same as you with our AP's, we take them out to eat with us, pay for language school, gym membership, buy birthday presents, xmas presents etc. - we have had 7 AP's over the last 6 years - all of whom i email every week - one is a godmother to our youngest, we have stayed with all of them on more than one occasion and just think that they more you put in the more you get out of the AP - sorry if i offended anyone but that is just my opinion strong as it is at the 'hormonal' moment

I've never taken an AP on holiday with us, mainly because we camp and there is no room in either the car or tent for them.
Even if we rented a villa or something I don't think I'd take them.
I've found it very hard work having AP's over the years. I've dedicated a lot of time to making sure they are happy, included, have everything they need. Surely I too am entitled to a holiday, a break from the norm?
Ap's usually IME, have holidays throughout the year, to visit friends, and family and not necessarily when it's that convenient. But that's fine, because you are treating them as part of the family.
What I have done is encourage the AP to invite her family to stay whilst we are away. This summer she had her mum, dad and sister here for 10 days. We still paid her as normal, gave her a generous allowance for food, filled the car with petrol and handed over the NT membership.
She had a wonderful time, much better than if she was trailing round after the us.

I forgot to add...

Not only did we pay for the holiday, we paid her usual pocket money too and as hotel was only half board bought her lunch most days.

We also paid for her to accompany us to local attractions, the agreement being if the DC tired of looking at mosaics and architecture she would keep them entertained.

Last Summer we took our 17yr summer Ap to Cyprus to stay at The Almyra, she shared a suite with the DC next to ours (connecting doors).

It was pricey, but the plan was I would get some time off in the spa and sunbathing as she played with the DC for a bit and she got a suntan on her time off. BUT DS was poorly with a chest infection for most of the hols so didn't want to be with her, so she got a fab suntan whilst I stayed in the room with the poorly DC!

She ate with the DC in the pm, leaving DH and I to have romantic beachfront meals in a child free environment.

This year we left our Summer AP at home and I so wish we had taken her. With DS being 4 we hoped to put him in the really good children's club at Kinderhotels (so much cheaper holiday than last year, taking AP would not have been a problem) DS hated the children's club and either myself or DH (me mostly) looked after DS.

Call me selfish, but as a sahm I would like my summer hols to consist of something more than just looking after my children fulltime in a different environemnt. I suppose that is not so important to those of you who have a very 'hands on' DH.

If you not too expensive could you pay/contribute to her flights home while you are away?

At 18 I never went on family hols with my parents..Even my sister who is still at home doesnt go with my folks!

So, no I would not expect for our AP to go on holiday with us, if it was where it was a minimal cost I may take her along BUT I wold be more worried about her getting bored! Our last holiday to Portugal cost us oveor £2K for a family of 4 so forking out another £500 or so is too much.

When we have hols we always suggest that she may like to go home and see her own family. Generally its stock up the fridge and let her enjoy a week or 2 of peace and quiet!

englishspringer, as an 18-22 year old, I would not necessarily WANT to go on a family holiday with mum and dad and much younger siblings.

On the same token, I imagine, when my children are that age, they may not necessarily want to come.

I took one aupair with me to visit my parents for 2 weeks. I needed help on the flight with my kids as I had really bad spd and depression, and really needed to see my mum. The stay at my parents, she had most of the time off, but we did nice things together, so she loved the stay.

Most au pairs come in the automn and leave at the beginning of summer. They usually want to go see their family for Christmas or Easter.

Setting the costs aside (which are prohibitive and in fact not even worth discussing), I'm sure a 19 year old would LOVE to come to the US to a midwestern suburb, eat at 5.30 with us which is when it suits my parents, not be able to get anywhere on foot w/o us, etc etc. I'm sure she would quit as a result of the trip, rather than being left behind to her own devices in London.

"I'd imagine she'd like some time off anyway.""pay her the usual pocket money, as she would still need to eat and live, and it was OUR holiday and not her decision to take a holiday if you see what I mean""Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?""she is supposed to be part of the family""Do you think your aupair would like to come with you?"

All fair and varied comments, from both (ap and employer points of view)..

"i guess you should really look at how you would feel if you went to stqy with a family who were meant to treat you like one of the family and dwcide if you would leave your children behind"

Again a fair, if slightly blunt point....

"to be honest you are getting a good deal financially"

Not necessarily. Depending on where you are going on holiday, flights at £1000, seperate accomodation (and by that I mean a room) minimum £30 per night for say a week is £210, then food say £50 a day for a week.... It all mounts up. Oh and before you say it, not everyone who has an ap can necessarily afford a luxurious £1000 ++ for a few hours babysitting or to spare the feelings of their ap.

I stick by my original post, as long as the host family are up front (and I mean as early as interview stage or at least as soon as holidays are in the planning stage, as the op's is) and even take the time to explain the additional costs, enlist the help of a neighbour or family member to keep an eye on ap, then surely they should be allowed to holiday in peace?

Quite right dannyb. My dd (now 20) was 17 last time she wanted to come on holiday with us and hasn't been since. She would rather have the house to herself, sleep all day and go out with her mates in the evening.

We don't take our aupair with us. She stayed at home with a few extra jobs and strict instructions to have the house as we left it when we returned. In answer to your question, would you leave a member of your family at home? Well, yes I certainly wouldn't expect my 18+ year old to come on holiday with me. There's being part of the family and being part of the family and to me that doesn't include taking her on holiday if I don't want to or taking her away for weekends. She can stay at home with enough food and cash like any other young adult would prefer to do.

englishspringer - you obviously have a strong opinion on this.

Many AP's may not want to come. I know they are over for the whole experience thing, but it is just their job and they may enjoy their free time more than their 'working' time.

I am a Nanny (different I know) and I love the children I look after and get on well with the parents but I also enjoy my time off and would NOT like to spend 2 weeks with them where I know nobody else so would have to spend most of my time with them or on my own. And as the family will want some 'family time' there may be quite a bit of on my own time.

Lots of AP's have quite a social life and may not want to go, would enjoy a week or two of peace and quiet and would feel embarassed to say 'actually, I don't want to come with you'

I work as an AP and the family always invite me on every holiday they go on. I have only been once so far and to be honest I don't think I shall do it again. Although it was lovely, I felt like a bit of an intruder as they were just doing family things. - I had no homework to help with, no school runs etc. Also, the evenings were strange. We were in the middle of the French countryside, so once the children were in bed it was me, the mum and the dad. I felt like a lemon. Do you think your aupair would like to come with you?

i guess you should really look at how you would feel if you went to stqy with a family who were meant to treat you like one of the family and dwcide if you would leave your children behind - the answer is probably no you wouldn't leave them behind.
AP's are meant to come and be treated as part of the family - we always take ours away the same as we always give them a bonus when they go home - afterall they have looked after your children, helped you out and to be honest you are getting a good deal financially.
obviously everyone's decision is their own but it depends whether you want her to continue looking after your children when you return - if not then i guess it doesn't really matter if you ostrecise her and are completely ignorant to her feelings as a human being who has shared her life with you and helped you enormously
i apologise for this seeming quiet blunt but honestly it seems so many english famalies just get girls over pay them pittence and their is no thanks for it.

Whole point of the au pair arrangement is that she is supposed to be part of the family. I regard the AP as my kids big sister (who gets more pocket money!).

With holidays where it is within budget we give her the choice, so our previous au pair went with us to Center Parcs in Holland this summer (marginal cost a RyanAir flight) and our current au pair will be coming skiing with us next year (we are self catering so again marginal cost is the flight).

We don't have an aupair at holiday time - they basically come from end of August till the beginning of July.

Saying that, our very first aupair arrived in July before the holidays so we took her to Devon with us. We had to pay maybe £50 for her. No biggie, and we did get a bit of babysitting.

I would say to you that you dictate her leaving date. She can't declare that she is staying till the end of July. If you are going on holiday straight after the end of school, she finishes just before you take over full-time childcare.

Not that I have an AP but wouldn't it be weird them being on hoiday with you?

Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?

Not that I have an AP but wouldn't it be weird them being on hoiday with you?

Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?

I left our ap at home when we went away on our main holidays - we were flying to Cyprus to stay with my parents so a combination of no room and cost of flights!

I paid her as normal, left a list of extra jobs that I wanted doing and a fully stocked fridge!

For weekends away, we took her if possible, or dropped her at London etc if we were going via there so she could visit friends. Usually she managed to go home during those times though (we live 2 miles from the ferry port to France!)

It depends, I think! I would not take ours to see my parents for holidays, neither would I take her camping!